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Thread: She Called, but Didn't Leave a Voicemail after 2 months NC

  1. #1

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    She Called, but Didn't Leave a Voicemail after 2 months NC

    Hi everyone I'm (23M) new here, My Voicemail issue will be in Bold, the rest is context!

    My girlfriend (21F) of 1 year broke up with me 2 months ago. We were friends for 6 months pre-relationship, so we knew each other for about 1.5 years. She was my very first serious relationship, and the love of my life.

    Some context with how my girlfriend broke up with me. She became more distant about 2 months before our break-up, and the sex dropped off in the last 3 weeks. She expressed that she was not happy, that I was smothering her, and that I was not a challenge and became boring - This really hurt. She also said that I was a good boyfriend, but not a good friend - PLEASE GIVE A REASONING BEHIND THIS??? I listen to Corey Wayne and Craig Kenneth, and they both say when a girl is backing away, the best thing to do is NC and wait for her to reach out. I had been implementing this NC strategy for the last 5 weeks of our relationship, because of my apparent "smothering," so I know it was not my smothering that caused the breakup. The only result that came from this lack-of-contact was that it prolonged the break up. It solidified that she was the one breaking up the relationship, the dumper, and that I was the dumpee. I had expressed that I was willing to make things work, and she said she wanted to be done.

    I expressed at the breakup that since the friendship thing was so important to her, that I was willing to try it. However, she then said that 'it isn't like we are going to be BFF's or anything,' I said that I wanted her as my girlfriend, and that if she wanted to reconnect, that she should reach out.

    I implemented immediate NC, unfollowed her on instagram, and unfriended her on SnapChat over the next 4 weeks (March-April). During this time, I did not hear a peep from her. Such great friends we are.... We are part of the same club at college, and at the end of May, we had a formal event.

    At the formal event we saw each other, but did not say anything. However, I met this strikingly attractive girl at the formal, who was a friend of one of the other female club members. I was talking to this girl for a solid 20-25 minutes, and did get her phone number!!!! My ex saw this exchange and couldn't to help herself from continually turning around to stare at me talking to this girl during the entirety of our conversation, and I think became jealous - this was hilarious to me!! *SPOILERS tho: I went on a date with the phone-number girl, and came on WAY TOO STRONG and Needy, which convinced me that I was not over my ex, hence why I'm writing this post* lol I got ghosted as a result.

    So now 2 months post-breakup, and 2 days before my voicemail incident, my ex posted on her Instagram account, "if only she could find a man who looked at her lovingly, and cared for her" - which I definitely did! Since, I did not follow her Instagram account, I did not see this until after the voicemail incident.

    Voicemail Incident: My ex called me at noon this passed Sunday. I was at work and could not answer. She did not leave a voicemail. I was tired after work, and decided that reaching out on Sunday would only cause me stress as I was deciding whether to contact her or not. I ultimately decided that I would send her a text Monday morning, when I was rested.

    On Monday, I texted, "Was at work yesterday and was tired after, you called?" She responded, "Sorry I did not mean to." I replied, "Sounds good"


    What do you guys think? Should I have reached out, or should I have continued NC? Is she breadcrumbing me? I am trying to move on with my life, and I do not have no problem meeting other women, but she still clouds my mind everyday! Let me know!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Continue moving on with your life and don't think much of this. It's not appropriate for exes to stay friends or on buddy terms. Cordial and civil is fine. As friends or by nurturing any close friendship, absolutely not. It holds both of you back from moving on with your lives.

    Back off and continue working on yourself and developing your hobbies and interests. If you're coming on too strong with new dates, give it time. It doesn't sound like you've processed much after this break up because not much of your write up makes sense. It's quite jumbled and suggests to me that you're hurting a lot and haven't come to your own conclusions about why the break up happened (you're just going by what she's said). Give yourself time.

  3. #3

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    Thank you Rose Mosse, your words are encouraging! You are right, I do not understand the true reasoning of the break up, and am still spiraling because of this. I am trying to focus on myself and move forward. I have never typed my breakup out before, so I'll be sure to give updates on my status if things happen, and hope my writing improves!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Your writing is perfectly fine. I'm just feeling like you're in a lot of pain. Hang in there. We have all been there and it will get better with time but you're going to have to want something better for yourself - a better reality. Think: silver linings and when one door closes, sometimes a tremendous number of windows begin to open. Welcome that lightness inside you. Let the past go and keep your eyes forward.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, sounds like a pocket-dial. She gave you reasons for the breakup, so all you can do is delete and block her and all her people from all devices, social media and messaging apps. Then this nonsense won't happen and you can reflect on things in peace.

  7. #6
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    You cannot be friends if there are feelings, and why would you accept the demotion? You know that this was a way that you were going to try to get her back, Let's be honest here.

    Why are you following her on social media? You said that you unfollowed her?

    You should have remained NC. I would not put any weight into the missed call.

    The part that I found was strange was that she said that you were not a "challenge." That is not healthy. Why would someone want a challenge in a relationship. Strange.

    Block and delete her. She is done.

  8. 05-22-2019, 12:12 PM

  9. #7

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    I agreed to the friends at the moment of the break up, because she had expressed earlier that we stopped being "good friends" She texted my roommate the day of the break up that I was "a good boyfriend but not a good friend" - My reasoning

    Shes public on Social Media, I have to block her to no longer see her content

    I broke NC because she called, I would not have if nothing happened

    Right??? I figured me seeing her 1-2 per week creates security, for her. Not being less of a challenge. IDK

    I probably should block her

  10. #8
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    Block her!!! It is over.

  11. #9
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    Eh, the call didn't mean anything, OP.

    It might have been a butt-dial. It might have been a suddenly bruised ego after seeing you with a beautiful woman, and maybe she planned on saying something in the moment she placed the call, but she thought better of it afterwards and left it alone.

    You opened the door by acknowledging that she called, but she promptly closed the door again. There really is nothing more you can do but accept it wasn't a sign of something more.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes you really should employ the support of family and friends as well as enjoying your own interests more to help you move forward. Getting your hopes up over a pocket-dial is rock bottom. It's time to face reality and delete and block her.


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