Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Should I break up with him?

  1. #1

    Should I break up with him?

    Hi there Iím facing a big decision right now and it is whether I should break up with my partner or not. We live together, and at the start he seemed perfect and gentle and he used to do cute things for me but not so much anymore. Now heís controlling with what I wear from makeup to clothes and discouraged me to go on a diet or to go to gym still because of his jealousy, Iím sure of it, and he does little things thatís annoy me such as playing very very rough when playfighting and doing things purposely to annoy me, like petty things. Or when I seem to be in a very down mood because of him and Iím like super upset he decides that the best thing to do is to leave home no matter the time, and each time I stopped him by forcing him to stay and telling him he doesnít really love me if he will leave me at my worst and he wonít sit down instead to talk it out like adults. Still after that, he doesnít really know how to talk things out. He can sometimes be disrespectful to me, making references to me cheating and bringing people over, or doing things when Iím in education hours. We even have a GPS on each other for Gods sake! + If I am not at college I am at home or doing grocery shopping out. He has no reason not to trust me in that way, Iíve never done even the littlest thing that was unfaithful to him. He also has very poor financial management and my parents have helped him numerous times with money but I feel like heís taking advantage sometimes. Plus, we have different interests and I hate the career heís pursuing because it is dangerous and he will be away from home most of the times for late hours. But he wonít give it up for anybody, even though at the start he said he would for me that has changed now, even though I would of never asked him to give up his dreams, Iím just saying at the start he was willing to for me. And I feel like thatís a sign feelings have changed or it was just a phase for him. Iíve spoken to my mother about this situation but I really need another point of view. It is hard for me to just break up with him because of these negative as Iíve gotten so used to being around him and having him next to me as a daily routine. I do love him, but I just donít know whatís going on through his head when he does all those things? Please help
    Last edited by michaela514; 05-22-2019 at 04:42 AM. Reason: Forgot to add something

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    33,303
    Gender
    Male
    Can your mother let you move back home? How long have you been dating? Living together? He's controlling and you realize it. Stop micromanaging his career. That's not your call. Simply observe if all the incompatibilities and living with someone who exhibits red flags for an abuser and already controls you like a prisoner is worth "used to being around him and having him next to me as a daily routine". He is not going to get better. You can not change or fix him. You can talk to your parents about the control and move back home.
    Originally Posted by michaela514
    Iíve spoken to my mother about this situation but I really need another point of view. It is hard for me to just break up with him

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,334
    ďOr when I seem to be in a very down mood because of him and Iím like super upset he decides that the best thing to do is to leave home no matter the time, and each time I stopped him by forcing him to stay and telling him he doesnít really love me if he will leave me at my worst Ē

    Sorry but to me it sounds like you are the controlling one. And that you are gaslighting him?

    ď I hate the career heís pursuing because it is dangerous and he will be away from home most of the times for late hours. Ē

    I think you just hate the late hours and not the danger?
    Really? How dangerous is it??!

    Perhaps he is a bit controlling wrt clothes you wear or make up. ?
    How have you responded to that?

    Is it any worse than trying to stop someone pursue the career they want?

    Maybe you just arenít compatible!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,371
    Gender
    Female
    Jealousy for no reason, accusing a partner of cheating when there clearly has been no crime, and telling another adult how they can dress should all be dealbreakers. Lay on top of that a person who is financially unstable. Four dealbreakers does not make for a prize lifetime partner.

    It doesn't matter how lovely a partner was in the past. The past is gone. His real self has emerged now that the honeymoon period is over. Your brain and heart have to match to choose or remain with a partner. Your brain is telling you how miserable you are and you need to exit. When you get away from this mayhem, you will shake your head and wonder why you waited so long. Take care.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    5,669
    Gender
    Female
    Andrina said it very well. This guy is a controlling jerk. Nobody should be telling you what to wear, and what is with the GPS on each other? You as an adult can go anywhere you want to go, it's not his business to restrict where you go, with who, and what you do. So many red flags and dealbreakers.

    Wake up. This guy is not a good partner and you need to get away from him NOW. Move back with your parents if you have to, but please put an end to this awful situation.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    1,368
    Gender
    Female
    Putting a GPS on each other is ridiculous. Please recognize this is totally inappropriate and not the way to treat each other in a relationship. Most of us have cellphones and other devices that track our whereabouts easily in an emergency but an installed GPS for the explicit reason for tracking each others' whereabouts due to trust issues or infidelity is out of the question. This is not ok. Do not begin to feel like this is a new normal for you or that it is normal in any way.

    I think a good number of us have been with partners who have expressed unnecessary likes or dislikes about what we wear, what we say, what we do, our careers or have experienced some form of backlash based on our choices and opinions.

    Some of it is good feedback like that dress that didn't zip properly and my husband said made me look like stuffed sausage from the back and I couldn't see it very well (I appreciated that). Other comments shouldn't be welcome if it corrodes your very identity and questions your ability to think for yourself on a consistent basis.

    You have to make the decision on whether someone else's comments are appropriate or not and express your own autonomy.

    Don't be afraid.

  8. #7

    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    2
    Your boyfriend sounds like a classic abuser. It is now called cohesive control and is a crime. The thing with abusers is, they usually are nice and kind in the beginning, even love bombing you into believing its love. However, once you commit ie. Move in with them, get married or have a baby their true colours can show. I truly hope you manage to leave this relationship. I would speak to your parents asap. And go from there. Stay safe and good luck. You really do deserve better

  9. 05-22-2019, 12:19 PM

  10. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,226
    Get out of this. There is no reason for you to be together.

    This guy is a controlling, manipulative and insecure jerk. It will get worse.

    Move back home. Now!


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •