Big Big Dilemma...

So this boyfriend I have been with for like 6 years now... we just recently bought a house together. He has online Goddesses that he pays way more attention to than myself. We have a pretty steep mortgage to pay now and he sits there and will buy these ladies gift cards, send them cashier checks, flowers, jewelry.. the list goes on and on...all for just some pictures of them and texts, some send him their worn undergarments, and he has even paid them to make personal videos for him. I cant believe I bought a house with this guy! I feel like the stupidest person on the face of the earth. It has gotten to the piont where i just hate myself, because I cant see why I'm not enough for him.

I just wish by some miracle he would knock off the bull .. But it is really nothing new.. so I dont see that happening.. Sadly I"m afraid the bank wont let me sign off on the house mortgage. I feel like im stuck.

I just wish by some miracle he would knock off the bull .. But it is really nothing new.. so I dont see that happening.. Sadly I"m afraid the bank wont let me sign off on the house mortgage. I feel like im stuck.

I was going to ask if this was a new discovery but clearly not... what the heck is an online Goddess and why not just call what he is doing cheating because that’s exactly what it is?

And why commit to buying a house with a man that does this??

You need to Talk to your bank and a lawyer to find out what your options are.

Why would you buy a house with someone like this? One should never make such a major investment without marriage.

You need to lose this guy. He is cheating and has some bizarre activities. This not about being "enough" it is about him being some sort of freak.

Reclaim your self esteem and end it with this loser. Who's name is on the deed?

So you knew about this before signing a mortgage with him?

Did you think buying a house was a commitment?

People commit financially to others all the time , businesses, loans etc but you should never financially commit to someone where emotions are present at least on one side but no emotional commitment made. As in your situation.

Talk to him. Tell him you want out of the mortgage. See if he will buy you out. Otherwise no option but to sell and at a loss if needs be. But you are not stuck!

Did he contribute financially to buying the house or did you put up all of the down payment money?

Why would you buy a house with someone like this? One should never make such a major investment without marriage.

 

You need to lose this guy. He is cheating and has some bizarre activities. This not about being "enough" it is about him being some sort of freak.

 

Reclaim your self esteem and end it with this loser. Who's name is on the deed?

Yup, why did you buy a house with him when you knew his kinks? I agree he's some sort of freak. Please get a lawyer and see about getting yourself out of this house deal.

Talk about an addiction ~ wowzer, your partner has an addiction and you may want to leave him and quit enabling him the luxury of indulging in this debauchery.

Go see a lawyer and get him/her to educate you on what you will and will not be able to do. This may be a harsh observation to you but you are in total denial and gaslighting yourself: You have to do something and a good place to start is to stop using your mortgage as a reason do do nothing but enable him. You blame him for your own fear of change because it's easier than admitting that you do nothing to better your lot but stay and complain.

I was going to ask if this was a new discovery but clearly not... what the heck is an online Goddess and why not just call what he is doing cheating because that’s exactly what it is?

And why commit to buying a house with a man that does this??

 

You need to Talk to your bank and a lawyer to find out what your options are.

You need to Talk to your bank and a lawyer to find out what your options are. I definitely second this. I cannot believe that you actually bought a house with this inconsiderate freak of a loser. What on earth were you thinking, OP? Are you on drugs? I just cannot imagine why you would want to be with him. Are you that desperate? Is your self esteem that low? I couldn't believe what I was reading; I actually read it three times! Please, have some self respect and see what you can do to get out of this toxic situation. I beg you. No one should have to be subjected to this nonsense.

Wake up, OP, and stop hoping that he'll stop!!!!

Bigger question, and this goes for everyone is what on gods green earth made you think you could change someone? If he was doing this before and you didnt walk away you basically gave it the go ahead nod. And if you were verbally opposed to this behavior but never stood firm and walked away when he continued then you sealed your fate as a doormat.

Think of people like dogs for a moment. If you tell a dog "no begging" at the table, but you still hand him scraps what does he learn? Your words of "no begging" have no meaning. Apply that to everything in your relationship when possible.

Lawyers were make for this type of situation.

I just wish by some miracle he would knock off the bull .. But it is really nothing new.. so I dont see that happening.. Sadly I"m afraid the bank wont let me sign off on the house mortgage. I feel like im stuck.

Bigger question, and this goes for everyone is what on gods green earth made you think you could change someone? If he was doing this before and you didnt walk away you basically gave it the go ahead nod. And if you were verbally opposed to this behavior but never stood firm and walked away when he continued then you sealed your fate as a doormat.

 

Think of people like dogs for a moment. If you tell a dog "no begging" at the table, but you still hand him scraps what does he learn? Your words of "no begging" have no meaning. Apply that to everything in your relationship when possible.

Very well said, Rabican!