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Thread: My boyfriend got married whilst with me

  1. #1

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    My boyfriend got married whilst with me

    I was with my recent ex for 3 years but knew each other for longer. We have a very good relationship but later it got toxic. He would be jealous and accuse me of cheating all the time and blame me for not loving him enough, not giving enough attention. He would consistently come see me everyday and at one point I asked for space because I felt like I couldnít breathe.

    He became mentally and physically abusive to me but he would cry and say he would never do it again and then months later, he would. I left him last Summer because he attacked me and I couldnít take it. I went away and he would call and say sorry and I was not having it. He used another number saying iím In Spain, I would like to meet u. I knew it was him but I called him saying who this and he was like oh you moved on. So I come back to the Uk and his consistently calling me and saying I want u back. I give in and forgive him. He started becoming cold and changed and I left him a few Times but got back together. He attackee me at work 3 months ago because he was jealous over a customer. I recently found out that he got married in November whilst he was with me and he got to know the girl when I was away. He blamed me and said I didnít love him enough, I am going to leave her but I married her for visa reasons because he had issues here. He kept saying sheís nothing to him, I am his world. He consistently kept lying and messi g my head up. He made me believe itís my fault for him doing this. Imessaged the girl and she called me a jealous ex. I showed her photos and proof and she said she would never leave him and she asked him but he chose her. ( never wanted her to leave him but I wanted to show her the truth). He changed his photo on photo of him all dressed up without a care in the world.

    I feel so hurt and lied to. His made me think itís my fault. And what hurts the most is the girl saying I am a jealous ex and despite everything he chose her and she would never leave him. He used me for months. I feel so down, I dong know how to get over this

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You get over it by simply acknowledging the mistake and moving forward. Having a sense of humour helps too. Look, it's finished and it's over. There's nothing in the world that will get back your lost time but what you can do is put things in perspective and make use of all the time before you and live your life better. This person is done and over and the relationship is done, kaput, sayonara.

    You might also want to look over the way you victimize yourself or feel sorry for yourself. I think you need to process what's happened but beyond that, don't internalize it and don't carry that chip on your shoulder. Stop forgiving this type of behaviour and manipulative characters.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He needs to go to jail.

  4. #4

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    I canít believe his ďwifeĒ called me a jealous ex:(. I didnít know any of this. His made me believe itís mine fault

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Of course he did. He is an abusive ....

    Cut him off completely and consider yourself lucky and pity her because he is beating the crap out of her now.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You'd do well to start seeing a therapist to help you understand why it is you would believe a man that beat you and mentally and emotionally tortured you and to figure out why after you got away from him you didn't block and delete him or, at the very least ignore his attempts to hoover you back to him.

    People who are healthy emotionally and mentally would never go back to someone that mistreated them like he did you so you need to figure out, with the help of a professional, where you are not healthy enough to keep yourself strong and safe and away from him and people like him.

    You are currently feeling even less self worth now that you have framed his action as you not being good enough instead of framing it so that you 100% know that now that he is with her, you are blessed to be done with him. His new chica has displayed what usually happens when an ex gf/bf tries to warn them about who they are with... they don't believe that person. She will find out soon enough because men like him don't change. It's only a matter of time so forget the two of them and work on yourself so that you have learned the appropriate personal boundaries and love of self enough to chuck d-bags like him on the first sign of mistreatment of you.

    You will go through the pain of withdrawl from him no longer being in your life and then eventually you will be fine. However; you will never get over this if you do nothing but what you've always done which is allow him back into your life. Zero contact now... not even creeping he social media sites to check up on him. Make him dead to you.

  8. #7

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    Itís because he blamed me. He said took drugs because of me:(

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He is fully of crap and you have to understand that. Cut him off and never see or talk to him again.

  10. #9

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    Do you think me not loving him enough lead him to this:( am I to blame

  11. #10
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    OP, as others have said, understand this right now -- he will/did blame you for everything, because this is what abusers/cheaters/manipulators do. Do NOT believe him. Abusive people make their victims believe they're to blame for their own problems, either to rationalize them to themselves, or to keep them around in order to stay in that position of power, or probably a combination of both. They are also, as you detailed, the most sweet and loving people when they are not angry, they will swear it won't happen again and promise you anything and everything to get you to stay... so they can continue to abuse you.

    Cut him and the new one completely out of your life, get into counseling, and most importantly, keep your head high. You are worthy of respect and it gets better!

    Edit: added content

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