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My boyfriend got married whilst with me


Lilly91

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I was with my recent ex for 3 years but knew each other for longer. We have a very good relationship but later it got toxic. He would be jealous and accuse me of cheating all the time and blame me for not loving him enough, not giving enough attention. He would consistently come see me everyday and at one point I asked for space because I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

 

He became mentally and physically abusive to me but he would cry and say he would never do it again and then months later, he would. I left him last Summer because he attacked me and I couldn’t take it. I went away and he would call and say sorry and I was not having it. He used another number saying i’m In Spain, I would like to meet u. I knew it was him but I called him saying who this and he was like oh you moved on. So I come back to the Uk and his consistently calling me and saying I want u back. I give in and forgive him. He started becoming cold and changed and I left him a few Times but got back together. He attackee me at work 3 months ago because he was jealous over a customer. I recently found out that he got married in November whilst he was with me and he got to know the girl when I was away. He blamed me and said I didn’t love him enough, I am going to leave her but I married her for visa reasons because he had issues here. He kept saying she’s nothing to him, I am his world. He consistently kept lying and messi g my head up. He made me believe it’s my fault for him doing this. Imessaged the girl and she called me a jealous ex. I showed her photos and proof and she said she would never leave him and she asked him but he chose her. ( never wanted her to leave him but I wanted to show her the truth). He changed his photo on photo of him all dressed up without a care in the world.

 

I feel so hurt and lied to. His made me think it’s my fault. And what hurts the most is the girl saying I am a jealous ex and despite everything he chose her and she would never leave him. He used me for months. I feel so down, I dong know how to get over this

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You get over it by simply acknowledging the mistake and moving forward. Having a sense of humour helps too. Look, it's finished and it's over. There's nothing in the world that will get back your lost time but what you can do is put things in perspective and make use of all the time before you and live your life better. This person is done and over and the relationship is done, kaput, sayonara.

 

You might also want to look over the way you victimize yourself or feel sorry for yourself. I think you need to process what's happened but beyond that, don't internalize it and don't carry that chip on your shoulder. Stop forgiving this type of behaviour and manipulative characters.

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You'd do well to start seeing a therapist to help you understand why it is you would believe a man that beat you and mentally and emotionally tortured you and to figure out why after you got away from him you didn't block and delete him or, at the very least ignore his attempts to hoover you back to him.

 

People who are healthy emotionally and mentally would never go back to someone that mistreated them like he did you so you need to figure out, with the help of a professional, where you are not healthy enough to keep yourself strong and safe and away from him and people like him.

 

You are currently feeling even less self worth now that you have framed his action as you not being good enough instead of framing it so that you 100% know that now that he is with her, you are blessed to be done with him. His new chica has displayed what usually happens when an ex gf/bf tries to warn them about who they are with... they don't believe that person. She will find out soon enough because men like him don't change. It's only a matter of time so forget the two of them and work on yourself so that you have learned the appropriate personal boundaries and love of self enough to chuck d-bags like him on the first sign of mistreatment of you.

 

You will go through the pain of withdrawl from him no longer being in your life and then eventually you will be fine. However; you will never get over this if you do nothing but what you've always done which is allow him back into your life. Zero contact now... not even creeping he social media sites to check up on him. Make him dead to you.

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OP, as others have said, understand this right now -- he will/did blame you for everything, because this is what abusers/cheaters/manipulators do. Do NOT believe him. Abusive people make their victims believe they're to blame for their own problems, either to rationalize them to themselves, or to keep them around in order to stay in that position of power, or probably a combination of both. They are also, as you detailed, the most sweet and loving people when they are not angry, they will swear it won't happen again and promise you anything and everything to get you to stay... so they can continue to abuse you.

 

Cut him and the new one completely out of your life, get into counseling, and most importantly, keep your head high. You are worthy of respect and it gets better!

 

Edit: added content

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I'd be thanking the gods that this abusive jerk is now married to someone else and can finally leave my back. But at the same time I'd feel bad for his new victim and also would consider getting a restraining order if he keeps contacting me. You need to delete and block this abuser and get therapy asap so you can heal and avoid physical and mental abusers in the future.

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Do you think me not loving him enough lead him to this:( am I to blame

 

He's an abuser and possibly a narcissist. You could love him to the moon and back and bend over backwards to fulfill all his desires with absolute perfection and he'd still beat the crap out of you, emotionally abuse you and gaslight and lie to you. You need to realize that this is who he is and it has nothing to do with your actions in the relationship. It's not your fault the abuse, but it's your responsibility to get help (therapy, friends and family, etc) to get away from him for good and heal. I hope you have deleted and blocked him, because that's the first step to get away from his mind control and heal.

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Thank you all for the advice. I will defiantly work on myself. He blamed me for everything. It hurts that I tried to warn his “wife” but she called me jealous even after proof. I hope karma gets to him because I gave him my virginity and I was always honest

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The thing is she is not his wife in quotes. If they are legally married she is his actual wife . This guy is a useless waste of space so forget about him . You are not permanently tied to him in any fashion and be bloody thankful . He is not even worth renting time in your head .

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Thank you all for the advice. I will defiantly work on myself. He blamed me for everything. It hurts that I tried to warn his “wife” but she called me jealous even after proof. I hope karma gets to him because I gave him my virginity and I was always honest

 

You didn't "give" him your virginity. Everyone has a first time. Your sexuality has nothing to do with him. He's just a bump in the road.

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It’s because he blamed me. He said took drugs because of me:(

 

He blamed you for his choices. How ridiculous of him. Stop letting him screw with your head and get looking into personal therapy, group therapy or at least educate yourself on codependency (which I believe you have) and drug and alcohol abuse and how those that are addicted will blame anyone for their own debauchery until they get into recovery and do the 12 steps.

 

Anything other than your own recovery is irrelevant at this point. *Repeating* People who are healthy emotionally and mentally would never go back to someone that mistreated them like he did you so you need to figure out, with the help of a professional, where you are not healthy enough to keep yourself strong and safe and away from him and people like him.

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Why didn't you change your number? I don't understand why this creep wasn't cut off, especially after the abuse started? Why are you continuing with this? He is a piece of sh$t!

 

You need to get into therapy for abuse. Block, delete and change your number!

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He didn’t take drugs because of you lol

 

If he felt not loved enough and if he was a normal healthy person he would simply walk away.

Not go crazy stalker, taking drugs and marrying another lol

 

These are his issues and not your responsibility.

 

You do seem to have your own issues (I don’t know what) that caused you to stay with him. And get back with him.

As far as his “wife” goes, you didn’t need to meddle there. And of course she is going to think you are a jealous ex , I mean he will have convinced her after all right?!

 

Block, delete on every platform.

Both him and her.

 

Good luck!

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Be grateful you didn't marry him. Stop playing games and completely delete and block him and all his people from all your social media, messaging apps and social media. Stop contacting him.

I recently found out that he got married in November whilst he was with me and he got to know the girl when I was away.
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He is not happy. He is an abusive nut. No abusive nut is happy.

This is going to make me sound crazy but it annoys me that he gets to move on and be happy with his life whilst he left me feeling vulnerable. I have completely cut him off from everyrgibg
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