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Thread: Overthinking to the point where I doubt my love for my girlfriend

  1. #1
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    Overthinking to the point where I doubt my love for my girlfriend

    Hey guys. Iím gonna give you a lot of detail to make sure you understand the situation Iím in.

    I had my first girlfriend in high school and was headband over heels for her. However, this was a one sided relationship. I was very open with her and told her how much I loved her everyday but never heard the words muttered back to me. She told me she couldnít communicate it but felt it and showed through actions. Anyways, before we went to college she dumped me and told me the classic ďI love you but Iím not in love with youĒ line. This destroyed me. I was very very upset for a long time and did not handle it well...my heart was broken.

    Fast forward to college, sophomore year, I meet this girl and we instantly click. Nothing Iíve ever experienced before. We have great sex, always want to be with each other, and just want to make each other happy. Itís a great thing we have going. About a month in, I feel it in my heart that Iím in love with her. However, I did not tell her because I wasnít sure how she felt and it was early. I kept this feeling in for a while. Summer is approaching and she goes back home for a week as do I. I fight off tears while she gets off the train, already thinking about when Iím going to see her next. I go home later that night and count the days. About mid week I start overthinking whether i really love her or not. This is where my problem begins. I start overthinking, and my heart feels cold. I have no clue why. I want to love her. I want to be with her. I donít want anyone else.

    She comes over to my house and spends the weekend with my family and I. We have a great time. Until I open up to her about how Iím feeling. Now she is upset but I told her that itís me and that there had to be a reason Iím pushing her away. We talk about this a few times because I want to be honest with her. Everyday I feel anxious now, right chest, dull heartbeat.

    I take her back to her house about an hour away and she asks me to come in. Go in. We have real intimate sex. This sex sparks that feeling in my heart again and I feel like I did when everything was fine. I love her. I tell her that but breakdown and cry while I hold her in my arms. I want this feeling to last forever. Why does this feeling fade at some points when Iím not with her? Why??? Is there a wall up? Am I overthinking and making my doubts a reality? Stressing myself out?

    Thank you.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you're overstressing and overthinking to your detriment. Not good at all. When we invite stress in, we raise our cortisol levels and this isn't healthy as it lasts in our system for days. You're way too over the top, my man. The past is in the past. Let that go.

    You are also reacting to a number of familiar and unfamiliar feelings and emotions for a new person. Just ride the wave and don't nitpick. Pull yourself together and chill out. Stop creating problems when there aren't any at all and stop pressuring yourself to decide whether you love her. Cut out that anxiety big time because it will begin to spread and run your life if you don't learn how to manage your worries and develop more positive ways of thinking/processing.

  3. #3
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    How long have you been dating?

  4. #4
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    Thank you. You donít know how much that helps.

  5.  

  6. #5
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    A little over a month.

  7. #6
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    You've only been dating a month. Good grief! Relax. You barely know this girl.you don't know her well enough to even love her.

  8. #7
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    Holly it does sound quick but when you click with someone and know, you just know. Iíve known her for a while dating back to our freshman year but got close about 3 months ago.

  9. #8
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    Just enjoy the time together. It seems that you are in some sort of race. And, you don't know, as you are questioning things. I still say it is too early.

    I do think you may need to address some trust isssues though. Check out baggagereclaim.com

  10. #9

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    honestly youre not alone. many people have a bigger heart than others and love the feeling of being attached. If you really want to pour your heart to her and tell her how much you really Love her then wait a couple months. dont move too fast but dont move too slow either. just enjoy it. dont feel anxious. keep holding her tightly so she knows. People who say i love you too fast tend to rush things.

  11. #10
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    Ok thank you

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