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Thread: Overthinking to the point where I doubt my love for my girlfriend

  1. #21
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    On a side note: "just cuz you feel it, doesn't mean it's there"

  2. #22
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Please don't confuse lust with love. What you are feeling, that click, that thing, that special something is just raging hormones. Yes, it's very much a palpable high, it feels amazing, it feels special, it makes you smile, you can't keep your hands off each other....BUT you do need to understand that this "high" is just all hormones and that in a few months, it will start to settle down. Unfortunately, that's where many people who are emotionally unhealthy people bail out of the relationship. When the high starts normalizing, they think they have fallen out of love and they go off chasing the next high.

    You kind of experienced a mini version of that when you both left for home. When you were together constantly, the high was there. Once separated, the hormones started to settle down, and you suddenly started to think with your big upper head that maybe this isn't love.....well...yeah.....it's lust but you've got ways to go before it turns into real love. So chill out and get a grip on the wild emotions. Enjoy the good parts, but breathe and give yourself some space to still have a life and to get to know each other and see how things go. Emotions and hormones can be fun, but you do need to temper that with some self control and restraint and just plain sensibility.
    I have to agree with this. OP, it's very telling that in describing your current relationship, the first thing you say is that you "have great sex."

    I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm glad you have great sex with your partner because that's important. But that in conjunction with how you didn't feel comfortable telling her you loved her, until directly after having sex one day, makes me think that you are indeed confusing love and lust as Dancing Fool mentioned.

    I'm not here to judge..after all you are young and I remember those days myself. I would advise slowing things down a notch, especially since you have only been dating this girl for a month. It's also worth suggesting that you might still be hurting from your ex's inability to say those magic words to you.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by RadioHead1
    @Billie28 it sounds crazy I know. But she’s different. My first relationship lasted a little more than a year. The crazy thing is that I did not introduce her because it was a false hope last call. I wanted to introduce her because of how strongly I feel about her.
    How can you in one post talk about how you are not sure about your feelings, and then in the next post say that you "wanted to introduce her because of how strongly I feel about her."

    The reason you might want to wait to rush things and integrate your life with someone at the beginning isn't always to wait and see if you like someone. It is to see whether you STILL like someone after the new relationship glow fades.

  4. 05-21-2019, 08:02 PM

  5. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RadioHead1
    Until I open up to her about how I’m feeling. Now she is upset but I told her that it’s me and that there had to be a reason I’m pushing her away.
    Wait, you told her you love her, or you have doubts about her?

    You're drilling yourself into a hole to climb out of, and you laid that on her?

    You've created a problem that didn't need to exist. Now she's self conscious when she didn't need to be, and your lack of patience and your extreme overthinking has put a weight on what's supposed to be a fun time of exploration--NOT THERAPY.

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  7. #25
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    Lol. You know what's going on by the way you write this. You're just looking for verification.

    That first girl told you the line, and you automatically told the other girl the line because it was embedded in your subconscious.

    Also you didn't think you would see her again so you started preparing yourself for the worst.

    I do that too. But I weigh the losses.

    Also you're having sex with this chick. So you're not leaving her while you're together.

    Just watch some dispell negative subconscious hypnosis on YouTube and get that last girl out of your head forever.

    She was upset when you told her you didn't feel in love with her so this is a totally reciprocal relationship. And you are actually Responsible to keep her happy because she's totally putting out in hopes of keeping you.

    You've got her precious little beating heart in your hands.

    Now it is very important that you explain that your subconscious was ed up by this other girl and tell her you're never going to release her from your heart again unless some life or death circumstance is happening. Unless youre actually willing to die for her.

    Don't worry. Planning isn't bad, and waiting is like death. I know if I ever stopped talking to my girl I would totally just move on. So don't feel bad if you do move on after not having sex with her all the time. But just know that that planning and anticipating is natural and next time you catch yourself planning to leave, just weigh the loses of waiting versus losing her.

    There might come a point where the waiting will out weigh the losing if you're endurance and commitment is lower than marriage.

    Also a sex Only relationship can deplete your level of commitment. So you've got to make actually make plans with her.

    Practice making plans with her that she's depending on you to fulfill your part. Like plan a intricate date or road trip with her and stick to the plan unless she makes a change. Cause chicks like making changes just to test if you'll dance along. It's cute.

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