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Thread: Overthinking to the point where I doubt my love for my girlfriend

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    You're absolutely right that when you "click" you "know."

    But what is it, really, that you know? Well, you know there's a click—a little buzz. What it means, where it's going—well, that you don't know because a "click" is not a stand-in for someone's personality or how compatible you are with them.

    Time knows all that, and the only way to find those answers is to learn how to trust time, to surrender to it, which we do by being present instead of what you're doing, which is straddling the present with one foot in the past and another in the future. You're missing the sweetness of what is, because you're spinning around about what was or what might be.

    Inhale, exhale.

    All the thoughts and feelings you're having—totally normal. The trick is to just know that, to accept them, and to accept that they're going to come and go, and change shape. Learn to observe them, rather than react to them, and you'll find something miraculous happens: you free up space to actually get to know the person in front of you, rather than obsessing about your own feelings so much that she just becomes a mirror—something you like staring at when it makes you feel "good," something that freaks you out when you feel "bad."

    The "click"? It's like a door cracking open. Seeing what's through the door takes time. What you're describing as "love" right now, while genuine, is the shallowest form of love—it's loving how you feel, at least when you feel it, the emotional equivalent of an orgasm, which is why, well, we often feel it during and after orgasms. Cherish that, but keep leaning into it, slowly. If you can do that you'll find there is something deeper and more rewarding.

  2. #12
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    As someone who has made his own share of very bad decisions when over anxious or over emotional the best advice I know these emotions can cloud one's thinking and we do not always make the right decisions,(I know I did not) So my advice is wait for your emotions to calm dowm then think what you are going to do or not do with a clear mind.

  3. #13
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    You talk about how she spends weekends with your family?
    You’ve only been dating for max 4 weekends!? She shouldn’t have met your family yet?

    You aren’t in love with her yet? How can you possibly be? You barely know her!

    Geez man, people date with the reason to get to know someone and only after roughly 3 months do they introduce them to their personal life , family and friends but friends first usually.
    And only after that do they really consider if this is someone they want a relationship with?

    Makes me wonder how long your first “relationship “ lasted?

    If you actually want a relationship with anyone , at least get the time to know someone before putting pressure or false hopes into it by involving family? What???

  4. #14
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    Thank you @bluecastle.

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  6. #15
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    @Billie28 it sounds crazy I know. But she’s different. My first relationship lasted a little more than a year. The crazy thing is that I did not introduce her because it was a false hope last call. I wanted to introduce her because of how strongly I feel about her.

  7. #16
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    @mets6968 thank you.

  8. #17
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    I would take in a deep breath and sort out these feelings. It sounds to me it’s more lust and you’re trying to rush the feeling of love. I don’t doubt your deep connection and wanting her fully. It’s just you mention whenever you have sex the same feelings come back and to me that’s lust and infatuation.

    Timing will tell if it’s love.

    Enjoy the ride and don’t over analyze that’s when great expectations kick in and if you crash you don’t want to crash hard.

    I say go slower.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RadioHead1
    @Billie28 it sounds crazy I know. But she’s different. My first relationship lasted a little more than a year. The crazy thing is that I did not introduce her because it was a false hope last call. I wanted to introduce her because of how strongly I feel about her.
    You might feel differently about her, that doesn’t change the fact that people still need time to get to know each other. Perhaps your reaction is related to you pushing this forward more quickly then you should.

    I get the feelings, believe me I do... I’ve totally been there and “knew” it was right...however it’s important that you don’t confuse this honeymoon period with what things will be like in the future. The crazy intense feelings ALWAYS fade and that’s when you know how you really feel about them.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Please don't confuse lust with love. What you are feeling, that click, that thing, that special something is just raging hormones. Yes, it's very much a palpable high, it feels amazing, it feels special, it makes you smile, you can't keep your hands off each other....BUT you do need to understand that this "high" is just all hormones and that in a few months, it will start to settle down. Unfortunately, that's where many people who are emotionally unhealthy people bail out of the relationship. When the high starts normalizing, they think they have fallen out of love and they go off chasing the next high.

    You kind of experienced a mini version of that when you both left for home. When you were together constantly, the high was there. Once separated, the hormones started to settle down, and you suddenly started to think with your big upper head that maybe this isn't love.....well...yeah.....it's lust but you've got ways to go before it turns into real love. So chill out and get a grip on the wild emotions. Enjoy the good parts, but breathe and give yourself some space to still have a life and to get to know each other and see how things go. Emotions and hormones can be fun, but you do need to temper that with some self control and restraint and just plain sensibility.

  11. #20
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    Probably the after sex effect, I'd suggest you abstain for a little while and stick to just talking to her and exploring her personality, if the feelings are not there when the sex isn't, then you know what you gotta do. Just my 2 cents. Good luck.

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