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Thread: Help Was I Taken Advantage Of

  1. #21
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Seraphim, it is always good to see all sides of things, even if you don't agree with them.

  2. #22
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    I don't think it's blaming the victim to both acknowledge that it was an assault and acknowledge that we have to protect ourselves. Like not letting your shoulder bag/purse hang on the side of a chair while you type away on your laptop at a coffee shop with head phones in, for example.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    The thing is all the extraneous conversation takes away from the real issue which is a crime was committed, period.
    FALSE.

    Itís your opinion not fact.

    I donít know what law kiwi is referencing but, Iíd be willing to bet an entire years paycheck sheís going to have a hard time prosecuting someone who kissed her and fondled her while they were both drunk, The fact remains - they didnít have sex...Thatís what at times can be a bit harmful to posters so many are so gungho about telling someone to go to the police do this so that youíre a victim when many times situations simply do not rise to the occasion.

    Is the guy a piece of sh*t? Big time, are her friends pieces of crap? Yes! Does she have a case that will hold up on court? Maybe.

    Thatís the cold hard truth.... they were both drunk and she said one thing and did another, anyone one with even a general idea of how courts and rape accusals work would know this would be an uphill battle. People who actually went all the way through and were assaulted through sex have a hard time, Iíve worked with rape victims, Iíve watched women who had cases where they were completely sober, said no, and were assaulted still had an uphill battle, still, remember that whole thing with the surpreme court confirmation? Even with video evidence the OPer states she also saw she kissed him back, lawyers would have a field day with that...the system isnít like the movies unfortunately, thatís the Ďperiodí, those are facts. Opinions aside cause those are what are irrelvent. And no itís not wrong to tell a girl she needs to stop putting herself in situations where not even her friends look out for her... Iím not saying a woman shouldnít report an assault, Iím not even saying she shouldnít if she feels she wants to but tell her the reality, this is far from a slam dunk...

    Posters shouldnít even be asking advise about things of this nature to a bunch of strangers in my opinion.

    OPerlook up victims assistance in your state. You can speak with a counselor, free of charge, they can help you process what happened and help you with any legal help you may need again free of charge. I hope you consider doing this and I hope you can speak with someone about your drinking and current mental health status. I wish you luck, I truly do, Iím sure this cannot be hard, Iíve been that super young girl getting way too drunk at parties and doing things I wouldnít have done when sober, I personally made the choice to be my own advocate, as I got older I realized just how dangerous the world could be, and how aware we must be of our surroundings, not blaming you for any of this, but I do think situations like this can be easily avoided.
    Last edited by figureitout23; 05-21-2019 at 08:10 PM.

  4. #24
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    No one said it was a slam dunk. But pissing and moaning about what a person drinks takes the moral obligation off the criminal and places it on a victim. And I wonít ever shut up about that ,ever . Period.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    No one said it was a slam dunk. But pissing and moaning about what a person drinks takes the moral obligation off the criminal and places it on a victim. And I wonít ever shut up about that ,ever . Period.
    I actually agree with you.

    But thatís much different than the statement that I responded to which was Ďa crime was committed periodí. Thatís for the courts to decide...

    Please see my edited response, I gave the OPer a resource that will walk her through all this and assist her with legal help if needed free of charge, as far as I know most states provide this service. I believe dialing 411 in your state will get you connected to that info OPer.

    I am also big on advocating for victims, but Iím also big on self reflection. Thereís a lot of grey in this. As others stated she can be helped and. Comforted about what she went through while also being told she needs to make some changes. If I was her mother, I would be begging her to get away from those friends, tell her she needed to seek help for her substance abuse while also comforting her for what she went through, none of that is mutually exclusive.

  7. #26
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Also be aware not everyone is American .

  8. #27
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    This site actually originates in Canada.

  9. #28
    Bronze Member WaywardKiwi's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    I donít know what law kiwi is referencing
    My personal experience is with New Zealand Crimes Act 1961, ss128, 128A, 128B, and 135.
    The law I referenced in my previous answer was Canada's Criminal Code R.S.C., 1985, c. C-46, s273.2

    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Iím not saying a woman shouldnít report an assault, Iím not even saying she shouldnít if she feels she wants to but tell her the reality, this is far from a slam dunk...
    Firstly, in reality neither Zoe, or the contributors here know the material facts and surrounding situation well enough to advise on the liklihood of conviction. Perhaps one of those 'friends' actually does feel that this was inappropriate and would testify for the prosecution, perhaps the accused has a criminal history of indecent assault, which would allow for propensity evidence. In the event of a trial, the accused may even plead guilty. I have seen all of the above happen in court (alongside the situations you describe). It is the police's job to investigate, and the prosecutions job to assess, whether there is grounds for a criminal proceeding. Personally, I think it is far more reckless to advise against reporting based on anecdotal evidence in other cases.

    Besides this, once again, the value in reporting is not limited to the eventual prosecution of the accused. I completely accept the reality of the system, but silence and non-reporting is not the solution. I would encourage anyone in this or similar situations, to seek out any and all available support. There are many, many good people in the system who are genuinely there to help victims, and the only way to access these resources is to come forward. Whatever embarrassment and shame you may feel at having been so intoxicated, or in having mental health issues, this should not extend to shame and embarrassment that someone else took advantage of those facts. You are not to blame when someone sexually assaults you.

    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Posters shouldnít even be asking advise about things of this nature to a bunch of strangers in my opinion.
    While I agree, it is reckless for contributors to be too 'gungho' in their advice as to prosecution or the like, I personally disagree with this statement. If you feel you have been sexually assaulted, then whatever avenue you seek advice from is valid. In Zoe's case, I feel nearly every contributor here has offered relevant and helpful advice. Many people are not aware of the resources available to them, or the relevant law. Again, advising women to not ask for help is counter productive.

    Use your own judgement Zoe, but you have the abosulte right to ask for help in this situation.

    I hope you are OK.

    T
    Last edited by WaywardKiwi; 05-22-2019 at 01:30 AM.

  10. #29
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    This thread is interesting.

    It's kinda spun off into this legal argument, whether or not the OP should report it, win if taken to court, when, in reading her original post again, was not even her question or concern.

    She simply wanted to know if the guy "took advantage of her" while drunk.

    Which, after reading her post again, and taking how she described what happened at face value, he most defintely did!

    She wrote she was "blacked out" at one point. She was in and out of consciousness, and during points of consciousness (barely), she recalls kissing him.

    She asked if that meant she "consented" -- OP no! You were blacked out for goodness sakes, in and out of consciousness, so no way did you consent!

    There was no "sex" per se, but nevertheless it was a sexual assault.

    Sexual assault is quite broad, a man touching or fondling your breasts, without your consent, is sexual assault.

    And your so-called "friends" who videotaped all this? That's disgusting, get rid of these people, make new friends.

    Re reporting it to police, your choice.

    I did, two years after it happened, and it helped me a lot! I also advise therapy.

    Lastly, use this extremely disturbing, hurtful and unfortunate incident as a message to you to take steps to control your drinking so you never find yourself in such a vulnerable position again.

    I echo kiwi, hope you're ok, let us know!

    And if you need to talk about it, we're here to listen, okay?
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-22-2019 at 10:52 AM.

  11. #30
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    She even said no at one point and remembers saying no and he ignored it= crime.

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