Confusing Breakup?!

Disclaimer: this is going to be really long because I don't want to leave out any detail.

My ex (we'll call him "Steve" aged 20) and I (aged 19) had been together for 3 months. I know that's not a long time, but we visited each other at least 2-3 times a week and talked everyday and became very close. In these 3 months, we never had a fight, we were both equally involved in the relationship, had met each others' family, went out on dates, and there were no trust issues. I couldn't have asked for a better relationship, honestly. Steve was very religous and wanted to wait until marriage, which I was perfectly fine with, so we did not have sex (or really even participate in any sexual activity during this time). I mention this in case it plays apart in the issue, but it may be irrelevant. We had also recently started saying the "L" word. He said it first. Maybe it was too soon, I don't know. I'm not a relationship expert, so I don't know these things, lol.

A couple weeks ago, Steve started acting different. It was Tuesday (May 7) when he become dry and distant. I didn't think much of it as we all have our off days. Plus, we had just hung out the night before and had a great time. I asked if he was okay, Steve said he was fine, so I just left it at that. His new behavior continued for the next few days, and I started to feel paranoid that he was mad at me for some unknown reason.

That Friday, I gave Steve a call and asked if he was okay again. I didn't want to be annoying, but I was worried about him. Steve told me that he had gotten in a fight with his roommate and just didn't want to talk to anyone. I respected that and left him alone for the rest of that Friday and Saturday.

On Sunday evening, I tried to start up a convo with Steve since we hadn't talked in 2 days. He left me on read, which upset me. So, I called again, and Steve told me that everything was fine bewteen him and his roommate now. He had just been busy and didn't want to talk. Steve also said he didn't want to break up, but he didn't feel like talking, either. This upset me (and he knew it did), but I understood and decided to just let him get ahold of me when he was ready.

The next Monday morning, I started a new job. Steve didn't wish me luck or say anything, which also kinda bugged me, but I just went on with my busy day, not dwelling on it. Finally, at the very end of the night, he sends me a message. He seemed to be in a better mood, asking how my first day at work went and if I wanted to hang on Tuesday.

We had a nice time Tuesday, just like always. It was a short visit, though, because I didn't get off work until late and had work in the morning. So, I asked Steve if he wanted to hang again on Friday when I had more time to which he responds with "we'll see." I also asked because I knew Friday would be the last time we could see each other for awhile due to our personal schedules.

On Wednesday, Steve tells me he's moving out from his apartment since he can't get along with his roommate. He has it settled that he will move back with his parents next month. And Thursday, Steve starts to become even more cold and unresponsive. So, I just wait it out again while he played tennis with his friend and cools off.

On Friday, I didn't know if we were going to hangout or not because Steve never got back to me on it. We go without talking for awhile until he sends me a ty message randomly in the afternoon. I respond normally, avoiding confrontation. Steve was playing a video game, so I assumed we weren't hanging out. I know this sounds childish, but it upset me that he chose to play video games on the only day we would be able to hangout for awhile when he played tennis with his friend on Thursday and would have a boys night the next day on Saturday but couldn't squeeze me in on this one day he was doing absolutely nothing.

I asked him when I would see him next and he said "idk." During these whole weeks, I was rarely able to fit in a whole conversation with him. I never even got to tell him about my new job or anything because he was so dismissive towards me. I tried to be understanding about Steve's fight with his roommate, but I also have personal issues of my own that I didn't let effect the way I talked/treated Steve. After wa stressful week a work, I send an impulsive text: "There's no point in dating if we are never going to see or talk to each other anymore." To which he responds with, "ok then."

I didn't want to break up, I just wanted to go back to normal, but I called him to confirm the breakup I assumed was happening and asked if there was anything we could do to fix it. Steve tells me that he doesn't want to break up either (while sobbing a little), he admitted it was a good relationship, but couldn't be in a relationship where I am having "doubts" and "suggesting" a breakup. I explained that I wasn't trying to suggest a breakup, but instead, suggesting change or it'll probably lead to one because I didn't know how to deal with this new attitude he had developed (but I said it in a nicer way). Then, in the middle of me speaking, he says, "bye, Chandler" and hangs up the phone. This pissed me off, so I blocked him on everything (another impulsive move made by me, but I don't appreciate being hung up on during mid-sentence - especially when we were both talking in a decent manner.) We officially broke up Friday (May 17).

I am just confused as hell as to why a perfectly good relationship ended so abruptly? I tried my best to give Steve enough space but still check up on him when I felt the time was right. In my perspective, it felt as if I was being "punished" in a sense for his issues with his roommate. I do blame myself and have regrets and would like advice on how to fix myself (for the future) if the breakup was indeed my fault. I sad that I lost this person in my life, who's company and conversations I enjoyed, but I am in no way looking to fix this relationship as it is 100% over. I would just like to know the opinions and thoughts of others (thanks to anyone who read this far into my story).

*A note to consider is that for the last 2 times I told Steve that I loved him, he just brushed it off (ignored it) and didn't say it in return. Not sure if that was a red flag.

*Another note, during the last phone call, Steve suggested a one month break, which I was fine with until he encouraged me to date other guys during this time because he didn't want me to "get my hopes up" in case he changed his mind about being with me during this break. I declined this proposal.

*Besides the sobbing, Steve had a pretty nonchalant "take it or leave it" attitude about our relationship coming to an end, which hurt because I cared about him so much, but I also don't know if he was just acting like he didn't care.

Another note, during the last phone call, Steve suggested a one month break, which I was fine with until he encouraged me to date other guys during this time because he didn't want me to "get my hopes up" in case he changed his mind about being with me during this break. I declined this proposal.

I hate the be the bearer of bad news, but the above strongly suggests he has someone else on his radar. He doesn't want to be the bad guy so he encouraged you to date around so it wouldn't look so shady when he starts seeing a new girl.

Needing space because of a personal issue is one thing, but I don't think his situation with his roommate is what really caused the demise of the relationship. You appear to have been patient and gave him breathing room. Don't blame yourself; he did little to nothing to meet you in the middle, and I believe that's because he wanted out and didn't know how to tell you. He was pulling away, requested a break and suggested you date other guys. That isn't someone who is into you anymore, unfortunately, and I don't think he was genuinely upset when you finally pulled the plug.

I think this break-up was coming regardless of what you did or did not do, and I would stay No Contact.

How did he get the impression you wanted to break up? After 12 weeks, just cut your losses. He's just not that interested.

Steve also said he didn't want to break up, but he didn't feel like talking, either.

Three months is the honeymoon phase, really. Everything is hot and exciting. It's easy to feel in love, and then, things normalize. Everyone is on their best behavior as you get to know one another, and then people become more real. You may find that you just aren't into that person anymore. You would rather scrub the bathroom over spending time with this person. You just outgrow it. There's no rhyme or reason to it. This is precisely why you don't toss out "I love you" during this time. It's too soon. If you still feel it six or 12 months from now, great, say it then. By then you truly know. It's still no guarantee of a life long relationship, but at 12 months, you're really on that track.

He said ILY and he probably felt it at the time, and then he didn't. It was a false feeling. It hurts tremendously. You're both young and you both just learned a valuable lesson on keeping these things in check a little longer. Until you're sure.

I will agree with the above, that his encouraging you to see other people is because this break is a break up, and quite possibly he has his eyes on another girl. It could be that he wanted a girl that subscribes to the same faith, even pressure from family and church members. It could be that he wants to stay single and play the field. Who knows?

Another thing that people do is behave badly until the other person finally breaks up. Just like you did. You gave him an ultimatum, and he ran with the breakup part. He ignored you, was short with you, and made you feel bad, and you finally pushed back and stated in not so many words, shape up or ship out. He didn't want to be the bad guy or was too afraid to break up with you, so he made it so that you did it. Either the slow fade or wait for you to say the words...either route would work for him.

Sorry this is happening, but it is what it is. He simply didn't feel for you as you did him.

He was doing the slow fade and I'm sorry you're in so much pain. This, to me, is far worse than calling a spade a spade because then you can look someone in the eye or remember what was said, remember that moment and realize without a doubt it's truly over.

The slow fade is a cowardly way to go about things when the person first to retract or retreat doesn't have the courage to recognize that he/she is not behaving or performing as he/she should in a loving or committed relationship. It lacks closure and accountability and I think this is what is hurting you so badly. Someone that you thought you could trust ended up being a coward and totally unaccountable.

An aside: I don't think it's helpful to you now to break down or overanalyze what he might have been feeling or thinking leading up to the break up. Consider this over.

What you can do going forward is be more aware and trust yourself when you see these signs. You responded appropriately in every case and I think you might have done the right thing deleting him from social media. It's over. Don't fool yourself. The part where he suggested you see other people and he stopped responding much or speaking with you are all red flags that you'll spot miles away in time. Remember that when someone shows you how much they don't care, believe them. When someone shows you how unaccountable, rude, uncaring or cowardly he/she is, believe them. Never second guess yourself. Keep on going and move on.