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Break up advice! I Broke up with my Long Distance Boyfriend and now I'am scared.


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Hey everyone,

Last night I broke up with my Long Distance Boyfriend, we've been in this LDR for 6 months and we didn't get to see each other, but he was someone I knew in person not just some internet guy. The first months were so good but then things started to get heavy. I got so insecure and started interpreting everything as a rejection from his side, I became clingy and jealous. And on the other hand he became agressive everytime and just kept yelling at me. Comunication was not a strong point of our relationship and I always felt misunderstood. I would explain myself to the point of feeling exhausted and he would feel annoyed. Last night we fought and afterwards I sent him a break up message, he didn't find it fair and that I wasn't appreciating our relationship but I was throwing it away just because of "a fight". But I couldn't tolerate the way he talked to me and he thought that I was the only one that should change behaviour. In the end he told me he loves me, I told him the same and that I will miss him.

Today I feel like nothing has happened and like we will get back together soon, cause he kinda let the door open. But I'm so afraid of the sadness I'll feel afterwards. I have to write my thesis but can't focus on it. Any advice how to handle it?

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But you might need some time apart, perhaps even still in communication, but just as friends. Being long distance, that change should be easier to accomplish than otherwise, but a change of perspective and a little absence may give way to increased longing and empathy on both of your parts

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Today I feel like nothing has happened and like we will get back together soon, cause he kinda let the door open.

 

If getting back together isn't what you want, it won't happen.

 

Perhaps you're scared that he will ask to get back together and you will be tempted to say yes?

 

If so, don't. You made the right decision. You weren't being treated in a way that made you feel appreciated and after bringing this to his attention, nothing changed.

 

Hang tough. All breakups suck, even if it's the right thing to do.

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Maybe some time apart see if you guys really do love each other and want to be with each other...? What’s meant for you nothing or anyone can come between you two, I hope it works out for you, p.s don’t ever let anyone disrespect you if you allow it, it will continue & get worse.

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He is abusive and you are passive. He also sounds like a bully. This is not what healthy relationships are made of. You are better off without this guy. Find a nice, kind guy who will appreciate you for you and make you happy, not miserable. You can block and delete this guy so he cant pester you.

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But you might need some time apart, perhaps even still in communication, but just as friends. Being long distance, that change should be easier to accomplish than otherwise, but a change of perspective and a little absence may give way to increased longing and empathy on both of your parts

 

The guy is abusive and treated her horribly. I don't think he sounds like a friend or partner material.

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He is abusive and you are passive. He also sounds like a bully. This is not what healthy relationships are made of. You are better off without this guy. Find a nice, kind guy who will appreciate you for you and make you happy, not miserable. You can block and delete this guy so he cant pester you.

 

Yes. The advantage of breaking up with people who are far away is that you can block and delete so that you don't need to deal with their BS or interrupt your healing progress.

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The guy is abusive and treated her horribly. I don't think he sounds like a friend or partner material.

 

Yes, I don't see why being friends with someone who treats her like that or going into "absence games" to get him back (but she was the one who broke up?) is worth her time an mental wellbeing. It's inexcusable for someone to yell and be aggressive, specially on a regular basis. No relationship material here. At 6 months of relationship people should be at their best behavior and if at 6 months he's already been yelling and being aggressive I can only imagine how it'd be down the road with them together.

 

It's perfectly normal to miss him, even if it was toxic, because you had something constantly filling your time and attention. With no contact you'll be able to overcome this "addiction" and move forward.

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