Is this normal?

I'm a 22 (F) who's suffered from anxiety my whole life. I'm currently in a relationship with a 22 (M) I've been in therapy for a few months and have just now managed to stop being so anxious. I used to would just have emotional break downs when something went wrong. I felt like I couldn't think at all and it almost break us up. We spent most of our relationship yelling at each other. We've been together now for around 9 months.

Once I finally broke out of that vicious cycle, At first it was just a huge relief to be able to deal with my emotions better and have fun again with my boyfriend. I felt free. I was so excited about everything. I wanted to spend all my time with him. It was wonderful and easy.

But I've noticed lately I feel very disconnected from him and everything. Nothing really excites me. It takes so much energy to do anything. Be with him. Go to work. Anything. I really just want to crawl in a corner and sleep forever. Almost as if I'm numb. Ive never been officially diagnosed as depressed and I'm not sure if that's even what its related to? But it's scary. We're planning to get married in a year or so, and I don't want to be like this. I don't know if it's just too overwhelming for me? Because it was alot of back and forth and waiting for him to be ready for marriage and also dealing with my anxiety. So maybe I'm somewhat in shock? It was completely out of the blue for him to tell me he was ready for marriage..so maybe I do need more time. Maybe I'm just burnt out.

I also had a lot of health issues and have been switching birth control so maybe my hormones are all messed up. On top of that the stress of trying to find a better job, we're looking for places eventually too, I want to go back to school. For someone who's very introverted and gets stressed easily I feel like Im drowning.

I'm just scared if I keep feeling this way he'll start picking up on it and leave? Because I WANT to be with him. I want to start our life together. It's what I've dreamed of always. So why do I feel like this? How come I'm so disconnected? Now sex is just meh to me, I just don't feel that spark like I used to. I used to be so happy around him. But now its like I'm going through all the motions because I know I have to. In a way being so anxious was easier at least I felt something. Now I can't even cry. I just really need help figuring out how to stop this. I will deifntely be letting my therapist know Whats happening too.

I know this seems to be genetic maybe. My mom's side of the family many of them seem to suffer from anxiety related issues. My dad is alot like me, my mom complains to me he's out of it and gets very angry easily when he gets too overwhelmed. He had a really ed up childhood and still dealing with the after effects. The difference with my dad is he refuses to get help. I know I have a problem and want to do anything to stop this behavior. He's pretty emotional for a guy and in his head just like me. But I don't want to repeat his same mistakes and make my partner feel unloved. I just want to be normal and happy and present.

You need to discuss this ALL with your therapist. That is why they are there .

Much of what you describe suggests depression. You should consider talking to your therapist or a doctor or someone about that to see if that’s the case or if there are other factors involved. If it is that, it can be treatable and manageable and you could get yourself into a much better place.

You say you're in therapy, so I am wondering if you are also taking any medication for anxiety? Some drugs can certainly have adverse affects like the ones you're describing.

If not, I would also wonder if you're experiencing a depressive episode. The dampened feelings, wanting to crawl away and sleep and shut the world out, not being able to feel much of anything - those are symptoms often consistent with depression, if it's been going on a while. I would speak to your therapist about this and get her/his take.

The other point I would reflect on: when you were still having anxiety-driven outbursts, what sorts of things triggered you? You might be finding your gut is talking to you about underlying issues in the relationship, even if you're reacting to these issues quite differently now.

The other point I would reflect on: when you were still having anxiety-driven outbursts, what sorts of things triggered you? You might be finding your gut is talking to you about underlying issues in the relationship, even if you're reacting to these issues quite differently now.

I was going to suggest the same thing.

I don't want to downplay anything like anxiety and depression, but from what I've seen—in myself, with friends, observing the world—is that there is no "trigger" quite like doing the thing you think you're "supposed" to do as opposed to the thing most true to yourself.

Nine months isn't very long to be in a relationship, and it sounds like it's been a pretty stressful one. I'm picking up on the idea that in your more anxious days you were maybe pressuring him to "step up" with the marriage talk—perhaps because, when the head was spinning, that seemed like something that would slow and soothe the spins. Now that you've found a better mode of treatment—and bravo on that!—maybe all that seems a bit rushed or misguided?

That's not me saying to break up or anything, but just to enjoy the relationship for a bit without worrying too much about where it will be in a month or a year. Sounds like you've been so focused on the future that you've lost sight a bit of what it means to live in the present.

I would recommend telling your therapist, telling your gp getting meds if necessary, confiding in friends, bf, family and switching condoms instead of BC pills. It seems you are depressed and this can be caused by hormonal contraceptives. I used to get severely ill with depression and headaches on BC. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a big factor. There are other options. Hope you feel better soon xx

Yes you need a doctor to help you sort out what's wrong. A relationship can't fix your health issues.

It sounds like you are in a fairly new relationship and you may need to slow major decisions down just a bit. I would suggest discussing the times your feel anxious with your physician and/or therapist. Allow them to give you recommendations on next steps. Hang in there!