Confused by her actions

Hey what's up everyone.

So the issue is quite complex, she had a long time crush on me, so I'll have to describe things that happened in past, but I will make sure to make it as easily digestible as possible.

Me 20, girl in question 18.

There's this one girl, she is my classmate, and we've been going to the school for three years (out of four).

She is quite shy, little bit socially awkward, but she likes to communicate with other people, and is very attractive

We were getting along pretty well as friends, talking a lot to each other, having the same sense of humour etc. It seems like we clicked very well more than just friends, and other people in class could tell that as wel, as they told me they would see us as a couple one day. I was interested in her, so 2 years ago, I invited her out. She agreed at first, but then said she unexpectedly had something else to do (recently I discovered that in fact she was very shy and chickened out), so I moved on, found a different girl, that was it.

Fast forward to March this year, my ex-gf broke up with me, and once the girl in question heard about that, I noticed how she started to talk to me more often. She randomly texted me on Messenger to give her my phone number, randomly asking me how I am, if I'll go to some parties etc. So I asked her again to hang out, and this time she finally accepted. Everything was great, we were talking about things, done fun activites.. We continued to hang out more during March and April, and it was really obvious that both of us want something more than just being friends. We started to touch each other more often, touching arms, hugging.. the chemistry was just starting to be there.

Also the fact that I heard from some of her girl friends that the girl had a crush on me basically for those three years definitely means something.

I invited her to go to a concert with me, just me and her. We really enjoyed it, at first there was nothing much, but as the concert went on, we started to touch more, eventually she grabbed my hand and placed it on her waist when I was behind her, then I was hugging her from behind.. When the concert ended, I stared into her eyes (knew that she wanted more), and went for a kiss. We then both said that we like each other etc.

Now an important note: She never had a boyfriend, she never kissed any guy, so everything that we do together is something new for her. So that is important to keep in mind.

We continued to date and stuff, everything seemed great, there seemed to be a big attraction from her to me, but just few days later, when we were hanging out, she told me that we should better stay as friends. This came as a surprise to me, because I knew how long she had a crush on me, I saw how attracted she was to me.. I told her okay, let's be friends, no biggie - but I continued pursuing her, because I wanted her.

Then few weeks later, we are out with friends drinking beer, the girl is there too. I hear from other people there that I should go for it, don't give up, so we got some private space with the girl, we talked about some things I don't remember anymore, and then we made out. She seemed to regret the 'break up', but that it was her first relationship, she was shy and scared about what she should do etc. Typical inexperience, I understand. We continue to literally make out for close to an hour (I would've taken her to my place, if not for my parents, as I don't live alone).

We continue to date more, now if I don't count in the break up, we are dating for more than a month now.

Recently we got a little drunk again, and talked about us. She feels 'awkward' talking about feelings, relationships when she doesn't have at least some alcohol in her. I found out that she has these feelings, one time she likes me, then the other she likes me less, she is confused and doesn't know what she wants, what to think. So I am telling to myself "What the f--? She makes out with me so passionately, touches me, flirts, goes out one on one a lot.. That is what you call 'being confused?'" I also find out that she is scared that I will compare her to my ex-gf, so I am wondering if that is also something that has an effect on her.

Yet like right after she tells me this, we walk around the night Prague (really beautiful, romantic, you should visit this city sometime!), we occasionally stop and kiss for longer time, then we repeat doing this for few hours around the town. Like literally, she puts her arms on my shoulders around me behind my head, plays with my hair, puts her hands everywhere, kisses so passionately, lets me touch her breasts and overall be intimate.. yet she is confused about her feelings.

Now I know that I want to escalate more and see her reaction to it, so I ask her if she wants to come to my place next time, watch a movie etc. And she agreed to that, so this Wednesday I'll have her at my place, and I'll escalate fully (perhaps not full on sex yet, as she is virgin and a little conservative).

I am really confused by her actions. On one hand it is seriously SO obvious that she wants me, that she is attracted to me, but says that she is confused about her feelings for me. I think her trying to be way too hard to get and stuff is out of question, as she is inexperienced in relationships. Some friends told me that everything we do together is just something new to her, so I should just give some time to her to get used to it, and she will open up more.

I'll be honest that I am looking for a longer relationship with her, I don't want her just as a FWB or something like that, but at the same time I don't have that high expectations.

What do you think? Is there anything I should be careful about, look out for, is there a way I should approach her not to scare her off?

Thanks.

TL;DR: Shy and inexperienced girl who had a crush on me for three years says she is confused about her feelings for me, but physically shows that she is very attracted to me. Is there anything I should be careful about, look out for, is there a way I should approach her not to scare her off?

Be respectful of her feelings. It's not uncommon for a young girl to feel the way that she does. I was certainly that way when I was 18.

Take things very slowly, no pressure.

At the moment she is conflicted between her very strong feelings for you, and fearing the loss of control and potential for being hurt if she gives in to those strong feelings. It's very early days for you both; if you set a timeline (for yourself) that you won't be suggesting anything sexual for at least the first three months, that will give her plenty of time to build up trust that you really like her as a person, and also time for the 'rosy glow' to wear off a bit so you can relate to each other as people. Of course, things may hot up long before then, but if you set that as a limit for yourself everything should go fine.

Good luck!

Be respectful of her feelings. It's not uncommon for a young girl to feel the way that she does. I was certainly that way when I was 18.

Thanks for your reply. I understand what you mean, I am not being disrespectful of her feelings.

I don’t talk about relationships and feelings unless she approaches me with it. I try to make our dates fun and full of activities, and she really seems to enjoy them.

But what do those feelings mean exactly? I feel like she is attracted to me, that she really likes me, but she doesn’t seem to be so sure when talking about it.

Take things very slowly, no pressure.

 

At the moment she is conflicted between her very strong feelings for you, and fearing the loss of control and potential for being hurt if she gives in to those strong feelings. It's very early days for you both; if you set a timeline (for yourself) that you won't be suggesting anything sexual for at least the first three months, that will give her plenty of time to build up trust that you really like her as a person, and also time for the 'rosy glow' to wear off a bit so you can relate to each other as people. Of course, things may hot up long before then, but if you set that as a limit for yourself everything should go fine.

 

Good luck!

Thank you for your reply! I also think she feels conflicted, as I can really see that she likes me, but says that she is confused. I am thinking that since everything is new to her, she just can’t process it yet, and I am not pressuring her to speed it up. As I said, she never kissed any guy, never went on dates that much etc.

Interesting idea about the timeline. We are already kinda dating for more than a month, and I feel like things between us are very hot right now, but I’ll keep the limit in mind.

But what do those feelings mean exactly? I feel like she is attracted to me, that she really likes me, but she doesn’t seem to be so sure when talking about it.

She could be discovering what she wants herself. Not everyone is born knowing exactly what they want. I always assumed I wanted to get married and have kids. It wasn't until I was in my mid 30s that I realized I had absolutely no desire for any of those things! I kept avoiding them without realizing it.

 

 

TL;DR: Shy and inexperienced girl who had a crush on me for three years says she is confused about her feelings for me, but physically shows that she is very attracted to me. Is there anything I should be careful about, look out for, is there a way I should approach her not to scare her off?

I've never seen a case of "confused about" working out. There isn't much you can do.

Put your effort and time into someone who isn't confused.