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Thread: Just married. Did I make a mistake?

  1. #1
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    Just married. Did I make a mistake?

    I met the guy in late November. He was my new neighbor. By late February we got married. It was quick but at the time it felt like the right thing to do. Hes 40 and I am 31. We got married before I let him move in because he had to pay 50% of his way, that was my rule, my morals. When I decided I wanted to married him he had a job, not full time but he worked a few days here and there under the table since hes on disability. He was working for the landlords around the property, kinda like a handy man. They stopped using him since he kept calling in sick (I think he was not really sick but being lazy). So, I wouldnt let him move in yet because his disability alone wont pay half the bills. We were already married before he got fired. I am someone who needs my space, my time alone. Im very independent with a great job and hes very codependent. He had a key to MY place and would come and go as he pleased, even when I had he doors dead bolted hed still try to get in. I told him he needed to stop doing that, to give me my space and that he doesnt live there yet. Hed throw a hissy fit then agree and next thing you know he was doing it again as if I never asked him to stop. Finally a few months went by and he said he got a full time job under the table doin roofing. I thought that was great! So I decided it was time for him to move in, even though I was concerned about my space issues. He was already going into my place all day when I wasnt home so might as well get half the bills paid out of it. Sure enough a few days after the move in the roofing guy no longer needed his help. I had a feeling he knew it wasnt full time but just wanted to move in. He can only pay half the rent with his disability. I started learning hes not really disabled but he fudged to get it. I pay all utilities, food and supplys. I calculated that I pay about $500 more a month than he does. All he does is sit around, watch TV and smoke weed all day. He does help around like cleaning a little and dishes, but thats almost like having a house wife. Im sure youre thinking (well hes your husband and you should support him). I dont see the marriage like he does. I dont see it as us and we like he does. When I get home from work (I work in construction) I never get a moment to myself even though I ask him for some space. Before he moved in he said hed give me space when needed and hed go next door and hang out with his old roommates, no problem. Two days ago when I finally had enough and said I needed space he started crying and throwing a pitty party like a kid and said he didnt want to go next door because its icky. He cried and cried and it repulsed me. I was so turned off and it made me want to repel him more. I had no idea things would turn out like this. A few months ago I was happy and in-love. My mind and heart took a 360 and now I just want to be alone. I dont want to break up or necessarily divorce but I wish I could rewind time to before he moved in and set more boundaries as far as him just walking in my place. I dont see the apartment as our apparent, I see it as mine and everything in it. Should I ask him to move back next door? Im worried that would kill the entire relationship. Hes not on my lease. Is this something that will pass or get worse? Is he taking advantage of me because he knows I make way more money than him? Is it because when he lived next door he lived with 2 other guys and it was a mess and my place is very nice? Someone please tell me what to do, because I feel like Im losing my mind.

  2. #2
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    You married someone you knew for 3 months. Yes, you made a mistake.

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    you married someone you have known for 3 months without a real relationship, and you arent sure why there are issues?
    umm...

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    If marriage isnt an us to you, I have to ask: what is it?

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Basically ,you married a stranger of course its a mistake. When you marry things are no longer just yours . If the apartment and everything in it is yours why should he even bother ?

    For all that is sanity just divorce and carry on with the single life.

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    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You got married only 6 months after you met? That's too soon, you don't know the person well enough. Wait two years.

    Plus, you married a man-child. Sorry.

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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    You got married only 6 months after you met? That's too soon, you don't know the person well enough. Wait two years.

    Plus, you married a man-child. Sorry.
    I agree, he is very immature.

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    Originally Posted by Greg40s
    If marriage isnt an us to you, I have to ask: what is it?
    I dont know. Im trying to figure that out. I thought I was someone whod never get married. But for some reason it felt like the right thing to do, for emotional security and safety. I want to go back to having our own place, maybe even get an annulment. But I know I dont want to break up completely.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Basically ,you married a stranger of course its a mistake. When you marry things are no longer just yours . If the apartment and everything in it is yours why should he even bother ?

    For all that is sanity just divorce and carry on with the single life.
    Id like to get an annulment but still be together, take a big step back but not end it 100% because I do deeply care for him and enjoy him but not like this. Not as a live in stay at home husband.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by LikeWater
    You married someone you knew for 3 months. Yes, you made a mistake.
    I agree. I would like to take a step back and go back to living apart and get an annulment. I want to go back to being boy friend and girl friend

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