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Thread: She wants me to say no more

  1. #1

    She wants me to say no more

    My girlfriend mentioned to me that I need to say no to her more. I am very giving in a relationship and I donít see a reason to say no to something she wants to do if itís not a big deal to me.

    I am completely lost, I donít understand why she would want to make friction with her is none.

  2. #2
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    You haven't given us much by way of details but does she just want you to be more assertive? Is she concerned that you are just doing everything she wants and she's not getting a sense of who you are and what you want?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DanDempsey
    My girlfriend mentioned to me that I need to say no to her more. I am very giving in a relationship and I donít see a reason to say no to something she wants to do if itís not a big deal to me.

    I am completely lost, I donít understand why she would want to make friction with her is none.
    She's looking to be challenged. We all need to be challenged somewhat or we get bored. How about next time she wants you to come over you tell her "no, I can't tonight I'm going out with the guys but I'd like to come over tomorrow night if you're up for that." (or some such reason to not be so accommodating to her every whim.)

    Do you have a life outside of her or is she simply your everything and you're stressing her out with that responsibility?

  4. #4
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    She may see you as a "nice guy", or more accurately a doormat. People pleasing behaviour and constantly seeking approval are not attractive behaviours.

    If you don't want to do something, say no.

    There's a fine line between being agreeable with someone and being a wuss. She's telling you, you've crossed the line.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I'm guessing you're a people pleaser. Read some articles on why it's unhealthy to be one and how to change your behavior for your own benefit, and that of others. Sometimes as a people pleaser it ends up being to the detriment of others, or yourself. You're probably appearing less attractive to her as a man who is a spineless noodle.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    It's not about causing friction, it's about you having your own identity, interests, friends, life, hobbies, and opinions that you are willing to share and stand by even if she disagrees with them.

    Try to have a conversation with someone who always responds with "oh I agree with whatever you think". Either they are the world's most boring, bland person....or more accurately someone who is a disingenuous "yes" man and nobody likes that.

    What she is telling you is to start being more authentic to yourself and your likes and dislikes, more honest, more genuine and not so much a bland yes man without any personal identity.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DanDempsey
    My girlfriend mentioned to me that I need to say no to her more. I am very giving in a relationship and I donít see a reason to say no to something she wants to do if itís not a big deal to me.

    I am completely lost, I donít understand why she would want to make friction with her is none.
    Maybe explain more about the context (other details) in this scenario or others where she's said this. In general, the way you're putting it, yes, it sounds like she's looking for trouble where there isn't any. The problem may not be you. Any time someone expects you to entertain them or isn't able to challenge themselves or find other interests or hobbies that fulfill their lives outside of the relationship, it's not good. You aren't her clown or her source of entertainment. She may also feel like you're not putting more initiative or thought in the relationship and is annoyed having to come up with all the plans or suggestions on what to do or where to go. Put more effort into it if you feel this is the case.

  9. #8

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    Hello.
    First of all, why should you change? If she loves you she will accept as you are. In my opinion you are a good guy, you are treating her right. Probably she wants more personality from you, which i really don't agree. No one should change you unless you want to make a change that is better for you. But on the other hand,if you're doing things that you don't like just to please her, then definetly speak your mind and say no when it's something that you don't like.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Women need four things to stay in love with a man. One of those things is mutual respect. Here, she needs to be able to respect you, and she can't do that if you cater to her like a butler. So yes, you need to be able to say "no" to her once in awhile.

    Google "nice guy". You have some reading to do.

  11. #10
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    It's not nice to be a "yes" man if you deep down would rather say no or "let me think about it, I'm not sure". I think her way of approaching it is confusing - because it makes it seem like she wants you to "argue" with her when what she really wants is to know that you respect yourself and are confident in your decisions. Maybe she senses that you say yet but you're resentful of her requests. Is she demanding? Do you allow her to go out of her way for you, do you voice your opinion in a confident way? I need to know more....

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