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Thread: I'm very shy

  1. #1

    I'm very shy

    I am a girl in late high school. I haven't been on a date before, but I have been flirted with. There are times that boys in my class come up to me and try to start conversations. I freak out, and accidentally reject them. I feel bad about it because it's always boys that I like, but I don't know how to play it cool. Just a couple days ago a boy tried to start a conversation with me, but I shut it down without realizing until it was too late. How do I not get freaked out and reject boys when they talk to me?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Can you expand as to what you're saying to them that you perceive it to be rejection?

  3. #3
    I just shut them down. I will respond with simple yes/no answers, not make eye contact with them, not really continue the conversation. It's not cause I don't like them, it's because I do like them and I get anxiety

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Think about what you plan to say to the boy before you do it. Have a comment in mind on what you want to convey to the person. Smile, if you dont already to that.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Don't say a word if you don't know what to say at first in the first few moments. Just say hi and listen to what he has to say and smile to indicate a welcoming atmosphere.

    Reciprocating or engaging in conversations requires active listening.

    Without engaging in that first part, listening, you will not know how to respond appropriately. When you're nervous or anxious your fight or flight response kicks in and all sense of listening goes out the window.

    The trick is to catch on to the listening part and resist the fight or flight. Even though your heart may be pounding out of your chest, the rest will come naturally and your natural instincts to respond in conversation will kick in.

  7. #6
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    You can actually admit to guys that you're really shy and that's why you might seem awkward or unsure of what to say. Plenty will find it endearing, tbh, because it's nerve-racking as hell being the guy approaching the girl as well! Sometimes the tables turn, even! I've been talking to a shy girl before and she says something and next thing I know, I'm the one fumbling with words. So try just being honest, sometimes.

    What really helped me get over the inability to talk to women, though, was try and talk to them as if they weren't. I could go up to dudes and carry on conversations no problem, so why was it so difficult with girls? It actually wasn't, but especially at that age you almost just view the opposite sex as a different species. Just talk. You're in class, you already have a lot in common. Bring something up like how boring Mr. Monotone's lecture was today and you had to tape your eyelids open to stay awake. Or whatever else, it's always good to use your environment.

    Like anything, the best way to get better is through practice. I hope some part of this helps you out.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    If you are shy, you just need more experience with people. If you are old enough, get a part-time sales job (not a clerk).

  9. #8
    What about coming across as a jerk? Sometimes I (accidentally) come across as a major b**** because I tend to be really sarcastic in a way that only close friends get

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I wouldn't worry about it in your personal life but would also caution you elsewhere. Just carry on being yourself with your closest friends but recognize some instances where this is inappropriate such as dating, work environments and other formal family or work gatherings where social interactions should never be misunderstood.

    If you don't work on being genuine during the right moments, people will read you as someone who is careless of others' feelings and will not trust you in the long run. This will work against you in real life where you'll find survival and your ability to flourish depends on your peers and whether you're trusted in your field.

  11. #10
    Thanks for all the advice so far! It's been very helpful.

    Should I work on not being so sarcastic? It's something that tends to just come naturally to me, but I feel like it is creating a barrier between me and my peers.

    Thanks again!

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