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Thread: Why is he not into me?

  1. #1

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    Why is he not into me?

    Iíve been dating this 44 yrs old guy for 3 yrs now and we have been intimate only once. I know he do cares about me, but I miss my sex life. I do not know how to bring it up to him. His previous partners have been skinny beautiful women. I am beautiful but on the heavy side. I am starting to lose my confidence. He is not even kissing me. He only makes a move when he drinks . And of course nothing happens because he gets wasted...

  2. #2
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    I can't fathom why you'd stay with him.

    This relationship is obviously hurting you; I would end it so you can move on to someone who is compatible with you both outside and inside the bedroom.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Im gonna be harsh, but please understand that I was and still am a bit in your place. Your confidence was low to begin with. If it was high, you probably wouldn't entertain this relationship for so long. The best and fast way to overcome this is therapy, it's been helping me so much.

    About the weight, I'm struggling too and with an eating disorder. First off, if someone is not interested in you because of how much you weigh, good riddance. He'd be a shallow man, would you like one of those next to you? Don't think so.

    I had an "epiphany" in therapy a while back. If relationships we're strictly based on looks, EVERYONE would be single.
    Hope this helps.

  4. #4
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    You have been hanging out with him for 3 years but not dating him.
    He clearly is not interested in a relationship and happy to hang out with you but he has misled you into thinking itís dating.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Given we don't know much about the relationship itself, we have to assume it is one. There is also a chance he's asexual?

  7. #6
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    The number one mistake I think you made is continuing the relationship. Even if he was asexual, you're not so why did you settle for this? I think even overweight people can find people who will think they're sexy and be turned on by them. I'm about 14kg overweight myself and I've still had plenty of people that were attracted to me sexually, including my fiance. If he's not attracted to you because of your weight then you need to find other guys that like you as you are. If you're not his type then you are definitely with the wrong person.

  8. #7
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    I can't imagine weight is the issue - if it was, wouldn't he have ended this himself a long time ago? But I also have to wonder what you've been doing for 3 years of dating? This feels like an issue for the first few months rather than the first few years (he says having come to this forum after sitting on a problem for 10 years...). Only making a move when he drinks is a sign of a real problem here and I think I find myself agreeing with the other posters - I can't see why you have stayed with him.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You say he gets "wasted" when he drinks. Are you sure he can even get it up anymore?

    Give us more information about this relationship in general. You've painted it as a codependent nightmare in your opening post.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Well if you only had sex once that's not a good relationship.

    It is true that most men are attracted to women who are in shape. Consider getting in shape - it's healthy. On the other hand, there are also some men who would love you the way you are. But staying in shape can make for a bigger dating pool.

  11. #10
    Silver Member waffle's Avatar
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    Aim for a better dating pool, not necessarily a bigger one.

    If he's over 40 I would not rule out ED. Nevertheless, if sex is important to you and this guy is not delivering for whatever reason but you still like him, consider keeping him around as a platonic friend and pursue different avenues for sex.

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