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Thread: Husband said him or the dogs

  1. #1
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    Husband said him or the dogs

    Would just like a little bit of advice on the situation. My husband has given my an ultimatum of getting rid of my dogs or he will walk away from me and the kids. First off we have been married for 8 years we have always had more than one dog. We have 6, 5 which are mine. Mine are my work partner as I am a dog trainer my German Shepherd which is 1 year old, my schnauzer which is 15 yoa, my other schnauzer which is 8 years old, my dachshund which was a gift he got me 3 years ago, and my 2.8lb chihuahua which is also my partner for my business. The 6th dog is his German Shepherd that we rescued bc she was highly aggressive I have trained her and she is manageable with us and will not do well as anyone else’s dog that doesn’t know how to keep her training up so that she can function properly in society. I have already shut down a grooming business of mine 6 years ago to follow him for his career which required us to move and given up some of my dogs back then. We have since moved again due to his job and have horses 20 acres and our dogs as well as kids we got custody of. He has since takin another job that would require us to move again and now he wants me to get rid of all but 2 dogs, and my horses bc he just decided he doesn’t want the animals anymore and if I don’t get rid of them then it will end in a divorce. He is willing to put his dog down bc he just doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. Convenient euthanasia.....really!? He says I’m choosing my dogs over him and the kids. I don’t love my dogs more than I love my family but I don’t agree with just giving my animals up. I am a dog trainer I been in the pet industry for many years I bond tremendously with my animals. I have offered several compromises such as buying a new house with a fenced in yard to keep them outside most of the day and only to come in at night and stay in a temp controlled garage so they won’t have to be in the house....not that they are bad he just doesn’t want to deal with the animals anymore. I have offered to change the food they are on to cheaper food to cut back in cost. None of this is good enough no compromise is good enough I have offered to give up the horses bc I understand we are moving to a higher cost of living area and the houses with ac

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    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    Any time someone gives you an ultimatum between two things you love and don't want to part with, they're being a POS. I say you be the one to deliver the divorce papers to him. He's been with you long enough to know the type of animal lover that you are, and that should be his compromise to you for selflessly leaving so much behind and all this moving from place to place for his sake and his job. How would he have liked an ultimatum on any of that? "No, we stay where we are and you find work here, or I'm done with you." Ultimatums are BS. You know who each other are at this point, you can't suddenly flip the script like that.

    Well, you can, but that usually means you're no longer working out. You seem like different people with different values at this point. The decision is yours but I'd be out. I'd choose the dogs, because they would never force me to make such a difficult decision. I really think you should find someone as passionate about animals as you are.

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    LikeWater could be right. But, even as a dog lover, I was reading this thinking: thats a LOT of dogs. A lot of animals. Enough to seriously impact a life. And I had to wonder how long it took to get to a point where an ultimatum was issued (ultimatums pretty much never end well and LikeWater is right about them - I just wonder how far your husband has gone down this road to get here). But putting a dog down because he doesnt want it any more? Thats horrible. Thats a big red flag for me right there.

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    Sorry my message cut off. The end said cost of living with acreage is to expensive. I cannot talk to our friends bc his friend he is living with out of state is now his boss. And its not like I just got animals without his permission. I have constantly supported him and the kids in whatever they wanted to do. Now they are all so willing to have me give up my job, dogs, and horses. I take time out of my schedule to run them to guitar lessons, baseball, whatever they want to do not complaining once while he works out of town and only comes A week at a time every 2 weeks. I supported him in taking this job bc I know its something he has been wanting to be in the office and have a since of importance. My dogs also dont run rampant through the house. If the animals were detrimental to their health I would of course give them up but thats not the case! And its not like he came into the marriage not knowing my passion for the animals and now suddenly wanting to change and everything. I have a clean house mopped daily dishes are never in the sink and the yard is kept up and I am the one to do everything as he is not here often and with the new job out of state he now only comes home every other weekend. Within a matter of 3 -4 years, the older German Shepherd, and the schnauzer would be gone due to age. I would never ask them to give up things they want!

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    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Gotta agree with your husband here, that is a ridiculous amount of dogs.

    You really do need to cut down to 2. Why did you get so out of hand in the first place with that many dogs?

    I side with him, you're asking too much and the dogs need to go.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You're placing dogs over your loved ones...do you realize that? Come on...start being reasonable here.

    2 dogs is more than enough.

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    Well the issue I see here is that he's only telling you to get rid of the dogs now because HE is sick of them. I'm assuming he was OK with them before? I mean you have been married for eight years and have always had the dogs. If he said it was OK to get them before and HE actually gave you the chihuahua himself (adding to the dogs) then sorry but I don't think that he can change his mind just like that so many years later. If he told you from the start that he wants no more than two then that would be different.

    It is actually very cruel to put down a dog who is not sick or dying just because "you're tired of it". And some of the other dogs are reasonably old, so if you try to give them away, likely there won't be many takers. If a dog is not adopted from a rescue place within a certain time, they also get put down.

    You do have an excessive amount of dogs and just pets in general but a pet is for life and he agreed to have them. It's wrong to just dump them now. It's a commitment and if he didn't want to commit then he shouldn't have done it. He's an adult and he has to act like an adult and take responsibility for his own decisions.

    Your decision but personally I actually would divorce. To put an ultimatum like that, him or the dogs, is in my opinion very selfish. Of course you love your family but pets are family too!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Divorce over dogs?!? That's the craziest thing I ever heard!

    The value of humans and a good marriage sure get's undermined these days.

    Go for it, divorce over dogs, but don't be sad when he has re-married and you've got nothing but dogs. I also think there is no way you could love him or value him if you're actually fighting over this.

    I love animals too, but I love humans more.

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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Divorce over dogs?!? That's the craziest thing I ever heard!

    The value of humans and a good marriage sure get's undermined these days.

    Go for it, divorce over dogs, but don't be sad when he has re-married and you've got nothing but dogs. I also think there is no way you could love him or value him if you're actually fighting over this.

    I love animals too, but I love humans more.
    Yes of course the husband is very important and if for example he told her he didn't want more than two dogs, but she went behind his back and got them, that would be very different. But if he was OK with them for eight years and also keep in mind HE gave her the chihuahua. So he was actually contributing to them having MORE dogs! He has also been responsible for this situation and he needs to be held accountable too. When you get a pet, you can't just "get sick of them". Unless they're aggressive you would not be thinking that you would just get rid of them if you felt like it in future. We are actually talking about these dogs likely being put down because they're older and that is extremely cruel. There is an issue here not that dogs are more important but the husband is cruel. That actually is a red flag.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    You're placing dogs over your loved ones...do you realize that? Come on...start being reasonable here.

    2 dogs is more than enough.
    Her husband gifted her a dog only 3 years ago after she already had more than 2. And he brought another one in that he rescued.

    Imo the husband is being unreasonable. He was ok with the dogs until he decided to move job. And the dogs no longer fit into his new lifestyle? So just get rid of them? Heartless to say the least.

    OP I dont really know what to advise but I do find it a little odd that you would have pets when your living situation can change at any time based on your husbands work?

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