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Thread: Husband said him or the dogs

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Kris2019
    I told him the same thing. He has slept around in the past and we worked through that. But since he has gotten to the new location and in the office with upitty ups he has seemed to change! He said he is doing this for the family and I donít believe that! I did ask him if he was just trying to get me to walk out! But right before this we were doing just fine with the occasional marital arguments. This isnít the first time he has threatened divorce if he didnít get his own way and turns things around on me.
    Meaning, he has cheated on you before? What do you mean when you say "in the office with upitty ups he has seemed to change"? He has met new people and is pulling away from you, or?

    The fact that he has previously threatened divorce when things don't go his way is very revealing and paints a bigger picture of marital discord that goes beyond the dogs.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Meaning, he has cheated on you before? What do you mean when you say "in the office with upitty ups he has seemed to change"? He has met new people and is pulling away from you, or?

    The fact that he has previously threatened divorce when things don't go his way is very revealing and paints a bigger picture of marital discord that goes beyond the dogs.
    Yes he has cheated in the past working out of town. His job requires him to be gone 2 weeks in a week until he took this office job that he can now be home every night with us once we move. The people that are in the office are pretty wealthy people and now we need to live a certain way is what he said. No more living in the country...no one in the office has acreage and will think our lifestyle is ridiculous! But yea this isnít the first time he has brought up divorce if things donít go his way! Iím just being told Iím not sacrificing for our family and if he walks away bc I wonít let dogs go this is my fault and my choice not his. I donít know how my giving up animals WE took in will prove I love him or the family. I just feel I am being strong armed into his decision. He has met plenty of new people in the office and I feel he is pulling away and is ashamed of who I am bc of status in the office

  3. #23
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    Wait... he has cheated on you and he's the one who threatens divorce? Sounds like he has way too much power in this relationship. How invested is he, really? Or how much distance is he getting away with? Yes, I think 6 dogs is a big deal but this isn't just about a lot of dogs - this feels now like it's about power and that you may have given far too much of it away. It feels to me like you deserve better and you need to really think about whether this marriage is even really working for you.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Greg40s
    Wait... he has cheated on you and he's the one who threatens divorce? Sounds like he has way too much power in this relationship. How invested is he, really? Or how much distance is he getting away with? Yes, I think 6 dogs is a big deal but this isn't just about a lot of dogs - this feels now like it's about power and that you may have given far too much of it away. It feels to me like you deserve better and you need to really think about whether this marriage is even really working for you.
    I love deeply! And I figured we could work things out and we were doing great for quite some time until this new position. He said he wanted the position bc he can have a sense of importance and more valued role being in the office on top of being able to come home and every night to us once we moved. Iím just at my wits end with being the one who loves strongly and like I told him if he is willing to walk away from us bc of dogs I just donít think he feels the same way and is using it as an out.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Kris2019
    Yes he has cheated in the past working out of town. His job requires him to be gone 2 weeks in a week until he took this office job that he can now be home every night with us once we move.
    I would be awfully concerned that he is up to his old tricks again, OP.

    It seems to me that he is trying to keep you away from him, from moving the family to where he is now, and he knows the trump card is the dogs. He is painting you into a corner and giving you an impossible ultimatum he know he can "win."

    I think you need to have a very honest come-to-Jesus talk with him, without bringing up the dogs. The dogs are a distraction from the real problem. From how I read it, he is looking for a way out of your marriage and it has little to do with the canines.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I would be awfully concerned that he is up to his old tricks again, OP.

    It seems to me that he is trying to keep you away from him, from moving the family to where he is now, and he knows the trump card is the dogs. He is painting you into a corner and giving you an impossible ultimatum he know he can "win."

    I think you need to have a very honest come-to-Jesus talk with him, without bringing up the dogs. The dogs are a distraction from the real problem. From how I read it, he is looking for a way out of your marriage and it has little to do with the canines.
    Thank you and I will do that when he comes home this weekend! Face to face so I can read him

  8. #27
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    There are so many issues in this relationship, I am so sorry. I don't think your problems are the animals/pets. It's the breakdown in trust and emotional support you both are not getting from each other (possibly for years). There's a total disconnect. It's clear now why he won't support you or your love of your pets. He doesn't sound fulfilled in this relationship (does not seem at all happy with you) and you have turned to your pets for solace during rough periods when he's cheated on you or been unfaithful. This is all wrong.

    The relationship is upside down and backwards front. Both of you have different priorities and I don't think it's about taking sides on who is right or wrong or bad or good. You're just not fulfilling each others' needs (haven't for a long while!) and you both have completely different priorities (not compatible!).

    Be kind to each other and let each other go. He may have come at you antagonistically or with hostility about threatening divorce like you say or he might be just completely fed up with the broken relationship and total disconnect. I think you've both found solace in other areas and have grown apart. Let each other go and be respectful of each other.

  9. #28
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    You said kids you ď got custody ofĒ. Are they your kids or his?

  10. #29
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    Well the other reason he gave for wanting to get rid of the dogs is that people at his job are rich and would look down on you having a country lifestyle. I mean, what??!! So he cares way more about what some new colleagues (presumably) think of him then your pet's lives? AND he has cheated on you and keeps making you move for him! I think he sounds like an extremely selfish person who not only doesn't care about the dogs, but doesn't care about you either.

  11. #30
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    Any time someone says "It's me or xxx!" Ö that means it's already gone too far.

    For me, given all the other issues in this marriage... I'd say adios to him and get ready for lots of snuggles with your puppers!

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