husband's female work colleague

My sister has an issue and has asked me for her advice.

Her husband was receiving many texts and spent the whole weekend texting on his phone.

Today she asked him who was texting him, thinking it could be his boss regarding work.

Husband told my sister it was a woman who he had worked with in france when sister and him had lived there three years ago.

She was now living here and (coincidentally) was working at a firm that dealt with his work. So, she had moved halfway across the world and was now working nearby in a firm that had ties with the firm he works for.

(he had mentioned this to my sister a few months ago when my sister had asked him why he was late home from work on a Friday and he said he had bumped into this woman and had got chatting and that she was going through a hard time as she had to put her mother in an old peoples home). the woman is single.

He then said the woman was going to be in the area this weekend, and was it ok if she stayed the night with them in their home?

Now, sister feels that it is inappropriate.

She has never met the woman before, does not want her staying in her home, and sister says she would never ask her husband if a male colleague could come home to stay the night!

I agree on this but not sure if I am being a bit old fashioned.

Any feedback welcome, thank you.

You're not being old-fashioned; it's super inappropriate and weird. It would be different inviting someone to stay at your home if you both know, like, and trust the person. I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt here and assume the husband and girl are just friends. I don't know if your sis is okay with her husband having female friends but if she is, she still needs to know the lady as well and be able to judge her character for herself. Because even if the husband has the best of intentions, she might not.

I would never be okay with a girlfriend inviting over anyone I've never met for myself into our home, male or female. Only exception would be family.

The woman can get a hotel room.

She is obviously employed, so I don't think it should be a great financial stretch to book accommodations for herself. If your brother-in-law really wants your sister to meet this woman, perhaps they can all arrange to go out for dinner to get to know each other. She might not be a threat to the marriage, but there needs to be better boundaries. Inviting her into the home - especially when your sister has never even met her - is too much.

I would find it odd that I even needed to explain that to a grown man, but here we are.

From the brief relay of information here it seems like either information was left out/lost/not added due to the transcription of events. This is second hand info coming from you so any number of those details may be off.

Just from what you've mentioned, I'd be supportive of your sister and be there for her. It's your job as her sister to remain neutral and supportive. Don't egg on the situation or take sides. This is something she needs to work out with her husband. Encourage them to communicate, encourage them to work as a couple and talk things out and come to a solution. If your sister has trouble verbalizing herself encourage her to be more vocal about her worries but to do so in a less hostile or accusatory way. The point isn't to put your sister and her husband at arms. They both have to completely disarm themselves and come together as a loving, committed couple and make a joint decision that works for them.

The woman can get a hotel room.

 

She is obviously employed, so I don't think it should be a great financial stretch to book accommodations for herself. If your brother-in-law really wants your sister to meet this woman, perhaps they can all arrange to go out for dinner to get to know each other. She might not be a threat to the marriage, but there needs to be better boundaries. Inviting her into the home - especially when your sister has never even met her - is too much.

 

I would find it odd that I even needed to explain that to a grown man, but here we are.

- I agree. She can afford a hotel room for the night.

Thank you for the feedback.

I must add, sister is in husband's home country on a visa and therefore unable to work so all her time is spent cooking, cleaning, laundering whilst dh works.

Being dependent on him has highlighted to her how unable she is to walk away should dh be having an affair.

She has made some friends and likes where she lives. This problem has been created by dh.

She does not know anything about the woman and does not know the extent of his friendship with her.

It looks like he is socially inept. Or has a crush on.the woman.

Either way I feel that inviting her to stay in the marital home is inappropriate.

If he had heaps of platonic female friends then it could be normal. But he has v few friends. None female.

Plus this is the first instance that sister has had of dh's association with the woman so inviting her to stay is quite a bold idea.

Sister's husband has said that he does not want anyone in the community to.know about this due to gossip. What would that indicate?

Sister's husband has said that he does not want anyone in the community to.know about this due to gossip. What would that indicate?

It could just be more of his social ineptness or deception.