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Tired of this situation


maryam

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Hi there,

 

I would like to have some solid advice concerning a situation which is taken months now.

 

I have been talking with this guy that works at a gym for a while. Its always been very interesting. We talked about everything. Lately he started talking about sex. Want us to have sex. I told him that I only have sex within a commited relationship. He said he understood etc.. but we keep flirting and its fun to just talk about it.

 

After some conversations we eventually did kiss. Which i liked. But i still didnt want any sex. It came to a situation where we were making out and he took his penis out.. that wasnt my intention. I kind of helped him put it back in his pants. At that point he totally changed. He started preaching me about why i was being so difficult. I was silent and just listening. I was flabbergasted about his reaction. At a certain point he blamed me for asking him to get his penis out. After that I walked away.

 

Since then i try to ignore him. But he keeps greeting me. I dont want to greet back

I just want to do my thing at the gym in rest. Im now like.. what should i do? Should i look for another gym for a while? Its taking up some energy because im still angry about the whole situation.

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It sounds like he's interested in a kind of vague thing with you—basically a gym friendship that can lead to sex. Clear as you were about certain boundaries—no sex outside of a committed relationship—I think he took your little make out session as a sign that maybe those boundaries aren't as firm as you'd said, since he didn't need to really court you or show any interest in dating before things got physical.

 

Seems he still might think there's a shot because you haven't clearly expressed how angry you were and are at him. Basically, dude sounds like a complete toolbag/horndog who you made the mistake of making out with.

 

So, options. Next time he greets you at the gym, instead of hoping he'll read your mind or pick up on your energy, you can say something like, "Hey, I have to be honest with you. I felt really uncomfortable by that encounter and remain uneasy." And from there you can tell him what you'd like—to be, say, left alone at the gym from now on on.

 

Or, sure, you can just find another gym. Probably easier, as is dating with actual dates so you can weed out the toolbags and horndogs.

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It sounds like he's interested in a kind of vague thing with you—basically a gym friendship that can lead to sex. Clear as you were about certain boundaries—no sex outside of a committed relationship—I think he took your little make out session as a sign that maybe those boundaries aren't as firm as you'd said, since he didn't need to really court you or show any interest in dating before things got physical.

 

Seems he still might think there's a shot because you haven't clearly expressed how angry you were and are at him. Basically, dude sounds like a complete toolbag/horndog who you made the mistake of making out with.

 

So, options. Next time he greets you at the gym, instead of hoping he'll read your mind or pick up on your energy, you can say something like, "Hey, I have to be honest with you. I felt really uncomfortable by that encounter and remain uneasy." And from there you can tell him what you'd like—to be, say, left alone at the gym from now on on.

 

Or, sure, you can just find another gym. Probably easier, as is dating with actual dates so you can weed out the toolbags and horndogs.

 

Haha love your reply. Yes.. can do that. Find another gym. But it feels like running away. I like this gym.. but yeah he is an . I liked him because we had a lot of common ground in our conversations.

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What a creep!

 

When someone tells you they want sex without any sort of relationship, this is all they want. You should have stayed away from him after his first disclosure.

 

I would find another gym.

 

He was honest about that from the start. And i also didnt want a relationship. Kissing was all i would do.. no sex.

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Im a grown up woman ;)

 

Yes, he told me he wanted sex. I said no.

 

Girl, Then why did you have anything to do with him after he was having all the sex talk? You should have cut it off right then. You knew he wanted more than kissing.

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Girl, Then why did you have anything to do with him after he was having all the sex talk? You should have cut it off right then. You knew he wanted more than kissing.

 

Because i liked just talking about it. It doesnt mean i have to have it. I was perfectly clear about not wanting to have sex.

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Girl, Then why did you have anything to do with him after he was having all the sex talk? You should have cut it off right then. You knew he wanted more than kissing.

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

Next time a guy announces he wants sex and you don't, best to maintain your boundaries.

 

And not engage in sex talk, kissing and, ahem, putting your hands on his penis helping him put it back in his pants?

 

Not quite sure what your thought process was, but in his mind, in most men's minds. this is called being a "tease" which most men don't look too favorably upon.

 

I mean you never even dated him, just some bozo who works at your gym.

 

Don't get me wrong, I think the guy is a noob, but it's important to be aware of how you contributed to what is now a very uncomfortable situation at the gym.

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If i do that i feel like im running away.
I wouldn't change gyms. Screw him and the horse he rode in on. It's your gym as much as it is his.

Simply tell him that you are not interested in being his friend and then sashay off and do your routine.

 

In future, stop flirting and leading guys on particularly if they are the type to ask you for sex before they have even taken you out for a coffee never mind a proper date. With your talk of sex with him and your flirting with him the way you did and then kissing him, you gave him the impression that you were up for sex but just needed some coaxing. Learn from this and don't talk sex with a guy until he's at least shown you some interest other than wanting to do you.

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My thoughts exactly.

 

Next time a guy announces he wants sex and you don't, best to maintain your boundaries.

 

And not engage in sex talk, kissing and, ahem, putting your hands on his penis helping him put it back in his pants?

 

Not quite sure what your thought process was, but in his mind, in most men's minds. this is called being a "tease" which most men don't look too favorably upon.

 

I mean you never even dated him, just some bozo who works at your gym.

 

Don't get me wrong, I think the guy is a noob, but it's important to be aware of how you contributed to what is now a very uncomfortable situation at the gym.

 

Sure, i take a part of the responsibility on my shoulders. But i do believe in being clear. I was very clear about what i didnt want. But he kept pushing.

 

I think at a certain point i will quit that gym, or at least only go there when he is not around.

 

Bozo haha indeed. A er.

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Because i liked just talking about it. It doesnt mean i have to have it. I was perfectly clear about not wanting to have sex.

 

It's important to be aware of how your liking to talk about it is being interpreted by the person you're talking about it with.

 

And then you proceeded to start kissing him.

 

It's misleading.

 

Edit: Does not matter if he keeps pushing. Guys will always push boundaries, this is pretty standard in my experience.

 

It's up to you to maintain proper boundaries and shoot that down!

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I wouldn't change gyms. Screw him and the horse he rode in on. It's your gym as much as it is his.

Simply tell him that you are not interested in being his friend and then sashay off and do your routine.

 

In future, stop flirting and leading guys on particularly if they are the type to ask you for sex before they have even taken you out for a coffee never mind a proper date. With your talk of sex with him and your flirting with him the way you did and then kissing him, you gave him the impression that you were up for sex but just needed some coaxing. Learn from this and don't talk sex with a guy until he's at least shown you some interest other than wanting to do you.

 

Yes true..

I hope i can just find an easy way to just do my thing. Without feeling that negative energy.

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It's important to be aware of how your liking to talk about it is being interpreted by the person you're talking about it with.

 

And then you proceeded to start kissing him.

 

It's misleading.

 

I know.. i wanted to kiss. Why take that away from myself?

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I know.. i wanted to kiss. Why take that away from myself?

 

it is not realistic and he said he wanted sex. As you said, you are "a grown woman." Old enough to know better.

 

He sounds like a sleaze bag anyhow. I don't get the attraction.

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Because i liked just talking about it. It doesnt mean i have to have it. I was perfectly clear about not wanting to have sex.

 

You know in my day, the way you acted there was a nasty name for it "c**k teaser* I'm not excusing his horrible behaviour, just trying to get you to understand that how you acted could get you into a lot of trouble if you happen to be "teasing" the wrong kind of guy and he doesn't take your "no" for an answer. You are lucky he stopped when he did.

 

Be wise girl and refrain. There is always time for flirting with abandon and talking innuendo when you have established that he's a good guy. Any guy that pulls it out like he did, isn't looking out for you but rather what he can get.

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