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Thread: Tired of this situation

  1. #1
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    Tired of this situation

    Hi there,

    I would like to have some solid advice concerning a situation which is taken months now.

    I have been talking with this guy that works at a gym for a while. Its always been very interesting. We talked about everything. Lately he started talking about sex. Want us to have sex. I told him that I only have sex within a commited relationship. He said he understood etc.. but we keep flirting and its fun to just talk about it.

    After some conversations we eventually did kiss. Which i liked. But i still didnt want any sex. It came to a situation where we were making out and he took his penis out.. that wasnt my intention. I kind of helped him put it back in his pants. At that point he totally changed. He started preaching me about why i was being so difficult. I was silent and just listening. I was flabbergasted about his reaction. At a certain point he blamed me for asking him to get his penis out. After that I walked away.

    Since then i try to ignore him. But he keeps greeting me. I dont want to greet back
    I just want to do my thing at the gym in rest. Im now like.. what should i do? Should i look for another gym for a while? Its taking up some energy because im still angry about the whole situation.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Wow, what a player he is. Just asked you point black if you wanted sex.

    Usually I need dinner and flowers before that (joking!)!

    Just find another gym.

  3. #3
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    If i do that i feel like im running away.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    It sounds like he's interested in a kind of vague thing with you—basically a gym friendship that can lead to sex. Clear as you were about certain boundaries—no sex outside of a committed relationship—I think he took your little make out session as a sign that maybe those boundaries aren't as firm as you'd said, since he didn't need to really court you or show any interest in dating before things got physical.

    Seems he still might think there's a shot because you haven't clearly expressed how angry you were and are at him. Basically, dude sounds like a complete toolbag/horndog who you made the mistake of making out with.

    So, options. Next time he greets you at the gym, instead of hoping he'll read your mind or pick up on your energy, you can say something like, "Hey, I have to be honest with you. I felt really uncomfortable by that encounter and remain uneasy." And from there you can tell him what you'd like—to be, say, left alone at the gym from now on on.

    Or, sure, you can just find another gym. Probably easier, as is dating with actual dates so you can weed out the toolbags and horndogs.

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  6. #5
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    What a creep!

    When someone tells you they want sex without any sort of relationship, this is all they want. You should have stayed away from him after his first disclosure.

    I would find another gym.

  7. #6
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    Wait, he WORKS at the gym??!!

    He can get fired for trying to have sex with members. Maybe remind him of that.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    It sounds like he's interested in a kind of vague thing with you—basically a gym friendship that can lead to sex. Clear as you were about certain boundaries—no sex outside of a committed relationship—I think he took your little make out session as a sign that maybe those boundaries aren't as firm as you'd said, since he didn't need to really court you or show any interest in dating before things got physical.

    Seems he still might think there's a shot because you haven't clearly expressed how angry you were and are at him. Basically, dude sounds like a complete toolbag/horndog who you made the mistake of making out with.

    So, options. Next time he greets you at the gym, instead of hoping he'll read your mind or pick up on your energy, you can say something like, "Hey, I have to be honest with you. I felt really uncomfortable by that encounter and remain uneasy." And from there you can tell him what you'd like—to be, say, left alone at the gym from now on on.

    Or, sure, you can just find another gym. Probably easier, as is dating with actual dates so you can weed out the toolbags and horndogs.
    Haha love your reply. Yes.. can do that. Find another gym. But it feels like running away. I like this gym.. but yeah he is an . I liked him because we had a lot of common ground in our conversations.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    What a creep!

    When someone tells you they want sex without any sort of relationship, this is all they want. You should have stayed away from him after his first disclosure.

    I would find another gym.
    He was honest about that from the start. And i also didnt want a relationship. Kissing was all i would do.. no sex.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Wait, he WORKS at the gym??!!


    He can get fired for trying to have sex with members. Maybe remind him of that.
    Nope. I would never do that. Its kind of exciting but only of its a 2 way street ofcourse

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by maryam
    He was honest about that from the start. And i also didnt want a relationship. Kissing was all i would do.. no sex.
    But, he told you that he wanted sex. Not just kissing.

    How old are you?

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