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Girlfriend Can’t Orgasm from Penetration


Goodfellas

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Hello again,

 

My girlfriend and I have a healthy sex life and are intimate often. Back to the second time we ever hung out she mentioned she prefers cunnilingus to sex and likes the cuddle after the sex more, too. I asked why and she said “she’s never cum from sex.” So I mentally noted that it’s not me, it’s just the way she’s wired. She’s more sensual than sexual, but I’m okay with that.

 

Fast forward to this weekend where she’s at a bachelorette party and the topic of penetrative sex orgasms comes up. She starts polling them and some orgasm 80% of the time, others are 50/50 and some a few times. She calls me apologetic because she can’t orgasm and she never performs fellatio on me (twice in nearly two years, but who’s counting?!) and assuming I’m not satisfied with our sex life which is not true.

 

That was two nights ago and since then I’ve assured her I’m satisfied with our sex life and have been sending her links to stories and studies about women in her situation. She says she loves the orgasms I give her (often gets weak in the knees from oral) and appreciates my support but I’m concerned about when she returns and how this will impact our intimacy going forward.

 

So, let’s discuss penetrative sex orgasms. Any women in my girlfriend’s situation? Any men find a workaround to making a non-orgasmer orgasm? How can I navigate this delicately as I’m still 100% crazy about her?

 

Any insight would be appreciated.

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Try to let this rest. She's with a bunch of drinking partyers and of course this is what they are cackling about. Relax. If it's not broke, don' fix it.

 

Oh, the hens are clucking alright!

 

I’ll remain calm while she’s away and wait until we’re face-to-face to see if she brings it up. I’m so intrigued, though, so I may have to broach the subject if she doesn’t. I hate that she feels inadequate when she revs my engine so much!

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I'm in your girlfriend situation or at least I use to be. Just penetrative wasn't doing anything for me, needs to be more clitoral for me. If you girlfriend can nearly have an orgasum from clitoral play then I would recommend what me and my boyfriend did. We researched for months until we found something called rompet rabbit ring. Can't find a link but have attached a picture. It allows penetration as well as vibration on her clit. Works wonders!!4090448821105a4171610bf41d164668.jpgd9aafa089ea2aff33b6ef797391be0f9.jpg

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Now that looks like fun! Is it 100% effective in terms of orgasms for you? We’ve tried a vibrating ring before and she said “it’s too intense” and that “it’s a lot going on down there” so we shelved it.

 

I’m going to suggest we go to a sex shop next week and mutually pick out some toys so hopefully this rabbit is there.

 

Thanks again!

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Now that looks like fun! Is it 100% effective in terms of orgasms for you? We’ve tried a vibrating ring before and she said “it’s too intense” and that “it’s a lot going on down there” so we shelved it.

 

I’m going to suggest we go to a sex shop next week and mutually pick out some toys so hopefully this rabbit is there.

 

Thanks again!

Because of the style of the ring the vibration isn't to bad and it have different vibration rates to, I think maybe 10 to choose from. Like I said it works wonders for me. The ring part is suppose to be tight for the guy but obviously not over tight as it slows down circulation which makes the penis slightly harder and like I said the style of the ears on top of it rubs the female clit when you pull in and out. That's from Ann summers.
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“ and have been sending her links to stories and studies about women in her situation. ”

 

HER situation ?

 

This is your situation!? As in both of you!

She has yet to have sex with a guy that does do it for her through penetration.

 

And when it happens for her she will never look back lol.

 

I suggest you research ways for it to happen between you, rather than send her links suggesting it’s her issue?

 

Have you researched “guys that can’t make a female cum through penetration”?

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Try not to talk about problems which will make her self conscious. Just switch up what you do because you think variety keeps sex more fun. One thing you can try is during one session, alternate between oral and penetration at least four times.

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Thanks Andrina. I don’t want it to become “a thing” between us hence why I’m turning to strangers for answers. I don’t want to burden her with this topic but I do want tips.

 

I do alternate often and she climaxes multiple times with oral/clit and even self love. She requires clitoral stimulation which is why that rabbit may do the trick.

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“ and have been sending her links to stories and studies about women in her situation. ”

 

HER situation ?

 

This is your situation!? As in both of you!

She has yet to have sex with a guy that does do it for her through penetration.

 

And when it happens for her she will never look back lol.

 

I suggest you research ways for it to happen between you, rather than send her links suggesting it’s her issue?

 

Have you researched “guys that can’t make a female cum through penetration”?

 

I don't think the OP was trying to blame his partner or say it's her problem, but rather, reassure her that if she is never able to climax from penetration alone, she's well...not alone.

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I don't think the OP was trying to blame his partner or say it's her problem, but rather, reassure her that if she is never able to climax from penetration alone, she's well...not alone.

This! 👆🏽 Thanks, Littler. I literally sent her messages that she’s not alone and we’re in this together.

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I've never been able to cum through penetration either. She's definitely not alone. I think it's way more common then people think. I really tend to not have a huge problem with this but I get more frustrated or anxiety if I feel the guy is actively trying so hard to make it happen. I understand that he just wants me to enjoy it and it's a big goal for guys but sometimes you can feel like you're under pressure to. I'd just try out different things just for fun to change things up and all but don't expect it to happen. Just have fun. If it happens it happens.

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I couldn't but then the hubby changed up his jam and started to rub my clitoris with his pelvis while inserted and the in and out while maintaining the friction of his pelvis on mine gets me there 99 times out of 100.

 

I would also suggest that she try getting herself off differently then she usually does. I suspect that she is self pleasuring through clitoral stimulation only which by doing that, isn't going to help her cause.

 

Bottom line: She is orgasming so how she gets there isn't exactly a problem in the grand scheme of things. Kudos to you for being a non selfish lover. However: I too question why she isn't reciprocating in the oral department.

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For my wife, the chances of coming from penetration alone is directly correlated to how turned on she is, her mindset and how badly she wants to have sex.

 

She really wants it? Less than 30 seconds. If she's into it, but there's something on her mind, 10+ minutes to not at all.

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Thanks for sharing that she’s not alone. I’m actually excited about the prospect of experimenting with new positions and toys now that the convo is out there. This little epiphany of hers may open up our world and when it does happen…fireworks!

 

As for reciprocation, she’s only done it twice as she’s never been a fan. She says they all smell bad (“like cheese curds” haha) and gets bored after 10 seconds. I don’t mind because I’m not overly macho and into receiving but at times I wish she’d offer more. Like my birthday or after my jaw hurts from eating her out to 4-5 orgasms.

 

She mentioned that she’s scared I’ll get bored at her lack of giving oral and penetrative orgasms and leave her. I most definitely reassured her that is not the case.

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She mentioned that she’s scared I’ll get bored at her lack of giving oral and penetrative orgasms and leave her. I most definitely reassured her that is not the case.

You had a perfect opportunity to add an addendum to that reassurance that you won't leave her over it by telling her that you wouldn't leave her over it but you would certainly be up for her learning to love it like you love giving her face. You could have told her you would only ever expect she experiment down there on you after you have showered and cleaned under your foreskin if you are not cut.

I'd bring it up again when the opportunity arises to do so without it looking like a lecture.

 

Happy experimenting! :D

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You had a perfect opportunity to add an addendum to that reassurance that you won't leave her over it by telling her that you wouldn't leave her over it but you would certainly be up for her learning to love it like you love giving her face. You could have told her you would only ever expect she experiment down there on you after you have showered and cleaned under your foreskin if you are not cut.

I'd bring it up again when the opportunity arises to do so without it looking like a lecture.

 

Happy experimenting! :D

 

^^^^^^ She should be reciprocating.

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You had a perfect opportunity to add an addendum to that reassurance that you won't leave her over it by telling her that you wouldn't leave her over it but you would certainly be up for her learning to love it like you love giving her face.

I’m certain I’ve reassured her enough to the point where she noted her love and appreciation to me multiple times, but this is a good idea.

 

To be clear, mine DOESN’T smell specifically, she must’ve had some dank ones in the past I guess because she’s averse to going down on men. I’ve even suggested in the shower but she politely declines.

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I'm going to big picture this a bit.

 

Your girlfriend sounds like she has—how do I say this?—a view of sex that is kind of adolescent. On one level, she's down to explore; on another, she's kind of scared and grossed out by it. She doesn't really know herself yet, and so she's easily influenced by outside forces and insecure that she is not doing it "right."

 

She's scared you'll get bored not because she won't go down on you but that she doesn't have much confidence in herself sexually. Is she "good"? Is she "normal'? These are the questions on her mind—why I used the word adolescent, because they're the questions that torture teenagers.

 

Fortunately, it sounds like you kind of like all this: where some get off on, I don't know, regular and enthusiastic oral sex you get off on being the patient sexual teacher and listener, reassuring her that she's so good, so normal, and so on, and watching her become a little less insecure and a little more open along the way.

 

So maybe the little ring thing presents another step toward her security and awakening—to graduating from adolescence to adulthood sexually. Or maybe not. Don't think that matters, really, since your sex life is less about a fluid, mutual giving-and-receiving on the physical side than a kind of ongoing experiment focused on her comfort, awakening, and pleasure.

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Whoa—that is a LARGE picture haha. I do agree with it to an extent as she’s experienced (i.e. has preferences) but not overly (i.e. not into experimenting). The gals chatting about it this weekend has made a lightbulb go off that maybe “she’s not good” so I take it as my responsibility to tell her she actually is but we can work, together, on A, B and C.

 

Thanks for that great insight, bluecastle!

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Sounds really selfish to me that she won't even do oral on you. I mean, you don't have to enjoy something when it's a gift to your partner. People's jaws ache, etc. Scented lube could mask any aversions to smells. How long have you dated? If it's a fairly new relationship, it could be why you're not bored yet. Is she selfish in other areas too, or is it just in this area? Perhaps you're still in the honeymoon phase to overlook these types of things. If not, you're a very easygoing person or have very low expectations because you're being the sole giver and she's being the sole taker.

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