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Thread: Lost my peace

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2019

    Lost my peace

    Long story. But I am a widow husband passed away 5 yrs ago, I am a single mother of a special needs adult daughter.. I had been in a relationship for 4 yrs with a man I am totally in love with. I never thought I could be in a real relationship due to the fact my life is so restricted caring for my daughter. But there he was my light at the end of the tunnel. We had been through so much over the 4yrs. From deaths estates my breast cancer ect. Just before I got my last scan results from my mamo (cancer free) :) he said he needed normal and couldnt continue in the relationship. But wanted to be friends, I feel out of some kind of guilt because he knows my life and how restrictive and isolating it can be. I am so devistated i can hardly breathe. I tried out of hurt to go on a dating site and one of the first pics I see was him. And my heart just died. I knew he was looking but to see it about killed me. He says he loves me, I was so good to him, and to know I'm not worth trying for is more than I can handle. I just dont know how to handle this. I really cant date due to my responsibilities and trust issues. Just feel like I'm trapped in a loop. Heart broken.

  2. #2
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    This body
    I don't know exactly why, but serious illnesses, particularly when the illness is finally over, tends to end a lot of relationships. There's so much stress and money worries and visits back and forth to hospitals never knowing if some really bad news is coming. It all takes a toll on the person who loves and cares for the one going through it as well, and sometimes when all the worry is over... I'm not sure, maybe they just need something different after it all. It's a tragic but common thing.

    I know you're in pain right now but please try not to be so pessimistic and hopeless. You had a good, loving relationship for a long time despite these complications that you're viewing as impassible barriers, so it can definitely happen again. And you survived cancer! Cherish the fact that you are alive and breathing, still here to take care of your child and see what the future brings to you. Time will heal your heartache and just do your best to not be so hard on yourself. You're a fighter, a strong and caring person, and absolutely someone deserving of love. You just need to believe it, yourself.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry this is happening. It's not about "I'm not worth trying for", it's about the sadness of a relationship ending. It sounds like he simply couldn't handle the situation. Try to do whatever you can to take care of yourself and never lose yourself with the "I was so good to him" attitude.
    Originally Posted by imgrace
    he said he needed normal and couldnt continue in the relationship.But wanted to be friends.I really cant date due to my responsibilities and trust issues.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    My heart goes out to you. Sorry for the loss of your husband. I understand that it gets lonely sometimes. I am a mother to a 4 year old special needs son. I know that he will need me to see after him for the rest of his life. I also understand that that means that I may very well not have another relationship after his father, because some men just cannot handle being with a woman with a child that will never leave home. Some men will accept your children, but long term they are thinking that they will eventually grow up, move out and live their own lives, and they can then look forward to freedom from childrearing, and being able to walk around the house naked, the things they cannot do when the kids live there, as well as retirement and life goals in that area. So I understand the dating dilemma that comes with having a special needs child.

    I understand your loneliness because I have been there myself. I still am at times. I stopped dating because most men just want long term relationships for sex anyway- they arent interested in being around for the long haul(accepting that my son will always be with me) So I have asked the Lord to allow that special man to come find me when the time is right. God knows my needs and my children's needs. He has the ability to read hearts and he also knows who the perfect man for me is, and when the timing is perfect for him to find me. In the meantime, I am focusing on enjoying my life as much as possible--- traveling, raising my kids, going on vacation, and accomplishing personal milestones for myself and my family. I'd like to also add that I have been in relationships since I was 16 years old- including 20 years with my sons dad- so if i never have sex again or enter a relationship again, while i am sometimes lonely, I am okay with that.

    There IS a man out there for you that will accept you and your daughter. A man that wont mind being with you and the restrictions that come with you. It will happen when you least expect it. So take time to grieve before dating again. You are vulnerable and need time to process the breakup.

    You are not destined to be lonely the rest of your days. You will meet someone new. You will love again deeply and be deeply loved in return- and your daughter will too. Just be grateful that your ex left you so that you now have room for the right man to enter your life.
    Last edited by smJackson; 05-19-2019 at 09:18 AM.


  6. #5
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    It's good that you were trying to get out there and date again. Please do it again. In time this hurt will pass.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    I'm sorry.

    You cannot be friends if there aren't any feelings. He cannot have the benefit of you, without the commitment.

    You need to go complete no contact. Do not respond when he reaches out.

    I think it is too early to date, if you still have feelings for him. Why don't you focus on making friends and making a social life for yourself, instead of looking for a boyfriend.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 05-19-2019 at 12:35 PM.

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