Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: Not sure what to do

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    5

    Not sure what to do

    Recently (days ago) broke up with the girl I love. We both agreed that our characters are worlds apart and she obviously did not have the confidence that we will work out. We love each other and on the day of breakup, both of us cried our hearts out. She told me that she wants to be my friend after break up and ask if we could ever become good friend.

    I mean, being friends and continuously talking will definitely soften the impact but I think I am going to be stuck in this weird relationship where I still love her and will continue to love her (I am not sure if she will feel the same). Complete cease of communication is going to be a painful process which I would have to deal with along with my difficulties at work.

    I really dont know what to do. We still love each other but her lack of confidence in me to turn our relationship into a marriage is causing the breakup to happen.

    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,211
    “I mean, being friends and continuously talking will definitely soften the impact”

    No it doesn’t soften it! It makes it more painful and long lasting.

    The person that “wants” to be friends doesn’t really care for a friendship. It’s just a way of easing their guilt.

    For your sake , you need to rip that bandaid off now and go no contact. You don’t even need to explain to her why. Just do it.

    When you start dating someone else , you will have to end the contact with her then anyway and vice versa.
    Just do it already.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,550
    Being friends right now is not going to make things better, OP. It will wind up hurting you even more.

    You will almost inevitably find yourself still holding out hope that being friendly will turn things around, so you'll try to maintain contact while she gradually puts more distance there. You might even make the mistake of keeping up contact so long that you are still in the wings when the day comes that she can't take your call because she's on a date with a new guy. Don't let yourself linger in false hope.

    I know it feels traumatizing to cut contact completely right after a break-up, but you are at the very least going to need to drastically reduce it. Work troubles or not, she cannot be your pillar of support now. The very person who is the source of your pain won't be the one to relieve it, ultimately. That will be on you, and your inner fortitude.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    5
    Thanks everyone for your replies.

    I like to also take this opportunity to collect some wisdom from the people here. Has there ever been cases where two people who are deeply in love, broke up and still become friends? Is there even possible?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,145
    Originally Posted by delut
    Thanks everyone for your replies.

    I like to also take this opportunity to collect some wisdom from the people here. Has there ever been cases where two people who are deeply in love, broke up and still become friends? Is there even possible?
    I've heard of some, but it really doesn't matter. What matters now is to focus on you. If you truly had a great connection and you both manage to get the romantic feelings out of the way, then maybe you can be friends. But that will take time.

    Your hope for friendship right now is just hope for reconciliation under cover.

    Since you both agree that your characters are so different, I think it wont take so long for you to accept that it really wouldn't work out in the long run, and finally let go.

    No contact will definitely help.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,211
    Originally Posted by delut
    Thanks everyone for your replies.

    I like to also take this opportunity to collect some wisdom from the people here. Has there ever been cases where two people who are deeply in love, broke up and still become friends? Is there even possible?
    Only after a significant time of no contact and when each other has found happiness elsewhere.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,550
    Originally Posted by delut
    Thanks everyone for your replies.

    I like to also take this opportunity to collect some wisdom from the people here. Has there ever been cases where two people who are deeply in love, broke up and still become friends? Is there even possible?
    Yes, but it's usually a long time after the break-up, after both have moved on.

    I have yet to see a recently-separated couple maintain a close friendship in which neither party was still holding out hope for reconciliation. More often than not, this results in the dumpee feeling devastated all over again when their ex starts dating someone new and no longer prioritizes the friendship.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,795
    Gender
    Male
    You're right...she wants to put you in the friendzone and convert you to a male-girlfriend. And yes you'll be shooting yourself in the foot if you go along with this.
    Originally Posted by delut
    She told me that she wants to be my friend after break up and ask if we could ever become good friend.

    I think I am going to be stuck in this weird relationship where I still love her and will continue to love her .

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    11,005
    So what are you going to do when she introduces you to her new boyfriend? After all, that's what friends do.

    Would it hurt?

  11. #10

    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    5
    boltnrun, you ask a good question. I honestly dont know because it hasnt happened yet. But I guess it will hurt me; although I might pretend to not be so. But then the question would also be, why offer this "option"? I suppose if you have loved someone, why put the person you had love through this? I actually dont understand how one of her previous was able to befriend her.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •