when to leave the mommas boy

[tiggerlilly]

I have been married to my husband for 14 years,2 kids 14 and 8 . he has always put his parents before me and our marriage. when my oldest was a baby we had to sit at his parents everynight weekends all day. since than he still needs to see his parents every weekend all day Saturday nothimg can be in the way of that. when. I try to talk to him about the issue he stops talking and walks off.
thing is I havent had a job in 13 years how do you start to leave when you have no job no where to go and no family to help ,i feel so trapped and I'm so tired of being so unhappy.

[Hollyj]

Have you attempted to look find a job? Do you have family nearby?

[Rose Mosse]

It sounds like you've thought this through quite a bit. Considering leaving your spouse and the means to do so seems to have been on your mind for awhile. What types of jobs do you think you'd be interested in? It might be helpful to think about your priorities and what your limitations are (ie. what time for example do you need to be home by, part time vs full time). You might like to check in your local community about posted ads at churches, recreation centers, any local bulletins or look online for positions in your area. Think about any skills you may have. As a mother, you're probably very good at multi-tasking and making sure you're organized enough for your kids. Think of your skills and how you'd like to spend your working hours/what gives you joy or can pay the bills. Explore how you might want to go about this.

[itsallgrand]

It's common for those who are so dependent on another for basic survival to come to resent and loathe the one providing.
Start with your own end. You've placed yourself in this situation, you can also work your way out of it. Get on your own feet, provide a living for yourself and your kids. There's zero excuse not to. Get it out of your head that it's on him or anyone else to take care of you.

After you've done all that, then you are in an actual position to objectively decide if you want to stay together.

Fourteen years, you owe it at least that. Just my opinion.

[Billie28]

I think you are just bored!
When your youngest started school would have been the perfect time to get back into working.
Why didn’t you?

Since your husband goes to his parents on a Saturday, he can take the kids with him and you can get a Saturday job.
Problem solved. Retail, hospitality etc should be no problem to get a job on a Saturday. And you can tell them your weekday availability.

You are not a stay at home mom anymore. You are a mom that doesn’t work or have independence.
So go out and get it!

[poorlittlefish]

It can be pretty hard to get a job when you're up against other candidates who've got current work experience, so while you're looking, why not consider volunteering at some places where you'd be able to gain some additional skills? It will help to improve your CV. If you can volunteer while your husband is with his parents then all the better!

[Billie28]

It can be pretty hard to get a job when you're up against other candidates who've got current work experience, so while you're looking, why not consider volunteering at some places where you'd be able to gain some additional skills? It will help to improve your CV. If you can volunteer while your husband is with his parents then all the better!

Yes but she needs to be realistic and start at entry level where no one has experience.
She will only be competing with school leavers and she can only expect the same wage.

[Annia]

Yes, regardless of what decision you make, it's time to try to get some financial independence, even if at first at a lower paid job. Volunteering seems like a good idea to get the ball rolling and get some time outside home.

[Tinydance]

What is so bad about your husband wanting to see his parents though? Is it not OK for him to visit family?

[Billie28]

What is so bad about your husband wanting to see his parents though? Is it not OK for him to visit family?

In fairness to the op it is too routine to the point where they can’t do anything else on saturdays because it’s written in stone that he will be with his parents. That’s not actually healthy for her, him or his parents.