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Thread: when to leave the mommas boy

  1. #21
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Agree, Seraphim. But it is reasonable to try and get along with family. After all, family is family.

    It doesn't sound like OP's husband does much else. how much further can you restrict someone? I can understand if she doesn't want to go every single time, but once a week in my books isn't that big of a deal.

    Far worse things a spouse could ask of you.

  2. #22
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Well, I donít think of my in-law family as ď familyĒ. They have done zero to include me . At times they were abusive and rude to me and my husband letís it slide because all that is normal to him. Everyone of us is a second-class citizen to his sister and it is plainly obvious . And my child is their only grandchild the only grandchild they will ever have in this world and they donít treat him any better . They donít even talk to him beyond two sentences .

    I would be fine with my husband seeing them I couldnít give a ratís ass. I just get mad he makes me see them . I am only civil to these people because they are my sonís family .

    Maybe it is the same for this woman. Who knows.

  3. #23
    yes for many years I forecast myself to sit there and all it has done is make me resent his parents and his mother for sure . she controls everything in our lives including the kids. all it's done is push us further apart.it has to be some kind of mental illness wanting to sit with your parents all day and night on weekends when you have a wife you've done nothing but push away. all these people saying it isnt a big deal must never had to live it cause believe me youd feel very different.

  4. #24
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    Then why don't you get a job and start planning your exit plan?

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I don't think it's a mental illness, I just think he feels his family is more important than you. If it's bringing you two further apart and you've asked for more time for you and he on the weekends and he's said no due to it wanting to be about his parents, than quite clearly he is showing you what is priority to him.

    Holly is right, all you can do now is get a job, wait until you are on your own two feet and let him know that this marriage is over with.

    And any ladies reading this, this is why women have to take care of themselves to a certain degree in a relationship or in marriage. It's not the 1950's anymore.
    Women need to make sure they have their own money so that they are not trapped and forced to accept appalling behavior.
    If it means working part time, then so be it, but don't put yourself into a situation where have no leverage due to no money of your own.

    Hopefully you won't ever need it and you'll have a happy marriage, but it's not always the case and it's good to have a backup should a husband decide that your feelings no longer matter.

  7. #26
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    "And any ladies reading this, this is why women have to take care of themselves to a certain degree in a relationship or in marriage. It's not the 1950's anymore.
    Women need to make sure they have their own money so that they are not trapped and forced to accept appalling behavior.
    If it means working part time, then so be it, but don't put yourself into a situation where have no leverage due to no money of your own.

    Hopefully you won't ever need it and you'll have a happy marriage, but it's not always the case and it's good to have a backup should a husband decide that your feelings no longer matter."

    Yes!!! And even if the marriage is happy, the primary breadwinner can lose his job and/or get sick, etc.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by tiggerlilly
    yes for many years I forecast myself to sit there and all it has done is make me resent his parents and his mother for sure . she controls everything in our lives including the kids. all it's done is push us further apart.it has to be some kind of mental illness wanting to sit with your parents all day and night on weekends when you have a wife you've done nothing but push away. all these people saying it isnt a big deal must never had to live it cause believe me youd feel very different.
    Did you not know he was like this before you married? I highly doubt he changed after marriage.
    My ex's family was the same before and after we married. The differences were his boundaries with them.
    What else do they do to control the kids?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tiggerlilly
    yes for many years I forecast myself to sit there and all it has done is make me resent his parents and his mother for sure . she controls everything in our lives including the kids. all it's done is push us further apart.it has to be some kind of mental illness wanting to sit with your parents all day and night on weekends when you have a wife you've done nothing but push away. all these people saying it isnt a big deal must never had to live it cause believe me youd feel very different.
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Then why don't you get a job and start planning your exit plan?
    ^^^THIS^^^

    I've been around bitter stay at home moms with kids, no offense, but they are not fun, their entire world is begrudgingly their family, which is a sacrifice, until you make yourself a maryr, you'd be surprised how little these things would bother you if you had a life outside of your family and well to be quite frank no ones holding a gun to your head to make you stay so if you dont like it, instead of demanding we pat you on the head and tell you hes a bad bad man...leave...

    You made a choice whether together or not for you to leave the workforce for 13 years, its going to be a huge uphil battle, it really is, but it can be done, so either pull up your big girl panties and enter the workforce or volunteer or get out there and enjoy your life, fix your relationship, or leave but taking it out on us isnt going to solve anything.

    all these people saying it isnt a big deal must never had to live it cause believe me youd feel very different.
    Plenty of us have lived in unhappy marriages, some worse than others,how he wants to spend his weekends does not mean he has a mental illness, it just means you arent compatible, sad it took you more than a decade to recognize it but your resentment is toxic and unbecoming...you can easily take ownership but you arent... ad trust me I am no fan of mamas boys

  10. #29
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Agreed with FIO, this is a matter of incompatibility. You're not evil, he's not evil, but you no longer suit one another or want the same things.

    It's time to call it a day and move on with your lives in different directions. A job will help you accomplish this.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    It's up to any grown human to be able to care for themselves and any child(ren) they choose to bring into this world.
    Motherhood, marriage, it doesn't absolve you of that.
    Being a grown up who is responsible for themself is not optional. You are treating it as though it's a right to behave as a child.

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