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Thread: has anyone been in a similar situation if so please help

  1. #1
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    has anyone been in a similar situation if so please help

    So where it starts Iíve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years very rocky relationship, heís kept a lot of secrets left me for other people, when he finally wanted to be serious I decided to give it my all (1 year and a half ago) yes I thought I was with him months after we started dating, only because we would always talk hang out go on dates we had a great time in the beginning but to him he feels old to ask someone to be his girlfriend so we were together without him having to ask me to be his girl friend. It was always weird with him it didnít really bother me because at the time I was also doing me I.e going out with my friends (guys, girls) I thought we were together but if weíd argue or whatever Iíd go out and have drinks with friends because I didnít want him to think he had me in his hands little did he know he did but I was able to contain myself I was used to being alone (heís now 33 Iím 27 going on 34 & 28 this year). Well then we split in 2017 he didnít give me a reason he just left I was depressed it had been 4 months since we had broken up when I had social media I had him on there he would always see my posts randomly message me dumb things but he would try to give me excuses as why he wanted to see me I never gave in in those 4 months, I had met someone that treated me like a princess I did not have to worry about a damn thing money issues anything because he did it all for me so I wouldnít stress he cared about me genuinely but there was also a reason as to why I couldnít be with him which I will not say on this post, again it was 4 months since my boyfriend and I had broken up and guess who decides to come back? Yes! My boyfriend I gave in because I still loved him & I was willing to give it another try. So then we started to see each other again he would tell me he wanted to try things out but this time for reals try to work things out I was all in, then I came to find out why it was he broke up with me!!!! In the beginning of our relationship (or so when I thought we were together ) he had a booty call I didnít know about he got her pregnant and was with me she gave birth and thatís when he broke up with me for those 4 months. Whatever I forgave him I came to find out a lot about him he kept from me, extra kids I didnít know about who his bms were still didnít change how I felt about him, it was going ok though he was always drinking and not putting his whole efforts into the relationship I was still there faithful as can be, spontaneous in bed; lingerie sec tricks to make it exciting, cook for him, massages before bed when heíd spend the night at my house, I mean I went the whole 9 yards for him to show him I wanted him all of him nothing made me stop loving him when last year (dec 28 2018) I came to find out he was cheating on me with the girl he cheated and had a baby with it tore me apart I felt so weak, betrayed, stupid I had never experienced such pain caused by someone else in my life, then I knew how much it really was I loved him. I ended up hitting him bad on his face I left one eye shut and he also gave me hits trying to defend himself I mean hello you couldnít imagine the pain I fell I didnít even know what to do his face showed how much it was he actually hurt me, I left the next morning I called the girl I was cheated on with and told me everything. I decided it was time to move on he didnít deserve me and i didnít deserve the pain and betrayal he did after I did all that I could to prove to him I wanted and loved only him. he would text me off his moms phone acting like her asking how I was and to take care that she missed me (which she would never say I thought it was weird but whatever I told her I missed her too) 2 weeks had passed since I found out of the cheating he started texting me to my text app I had downloaded he texted me saying how sorry he was that I didnít deserve that and that he regretted it fast forward I got back with him. Well we continued to have problems because of her I mean they did have a kid together after all, but he wouldnít talk to her because I asked him not to and if he would talk to her to let me know to my knowledge he would tell me when sheíd call or he would talk to her, if go through his phone. We started working together in his business we started to look for places to move in together it felt as if things were finally getting better he was showing me I can trust him, he started communicating about everything, asking for my opinion on things and take me in consideration. May 10 was motherís day (for Mexicans as I am Mexican) he took me out to dinner (but never made it because we left) that day was a stressful day as it was the second week I had stayed without a job and I would only work with him 2-3 days out of the week he wouldnít ask if I needed anything, he would leave me for last most the time, heíd get mad if he would have to leave his employees and they were drinking to go be with me, Iím a very emotional sensitive person btw and all these thoughts just gathered, back to the dinner we never made it to before that I asked to see his phone he hesitated then is when I started to think Ďok heís hiding somethingí after a couple time of me asking to see his phone he let me see it and hense every time Iíd check his phone Iíd never check his FaceTimes well this time I did and her number was there a missed FaceTime from her and the reason why I got so mad was because I thought she was blocked this whole time, when I saw that call I started to ask him why why do you keep lying to me crying not knowing what to do well we got in an argument he said he would take us to the PD to make a statement hense stressful day sensitive over thoughtful gf you can only imagine what was going through my mind when I saw her number; when he said PD his truck was running I was in the passenger side I got scared and jumped out the truck got bruised from my face my elbow my knees I called 911 made a report but lied I said he hit me my anger piled when I saw he did not stop to see I was ok after I had just jumped out of a moving truck. Now I feel bad because I made the report so the police thinks he hit me when he didnít thereís a warrant out for his arrest, Iíve gone to the police station talked to the officer who took the report told her the truth, talked to the watch commander and the station made a letter of my reasons why I want to drop charges and it is just a waiting game with the law enforcement. My thing is I do not feel any good at all because I let my anger get to me the law enforcement is now involved and I donít know what to do and this is the person my soul loves Iíve always believed we can make it far as a couple we share a lot of the same interests we share memories and the same future goals this person is my soulmate with all this going on I feel depressed only because I can only imagine what heís going through and has his business the time with his kids his life, I guess my question is idk if this turns out ok if weíll be ok because obviously we know not to be touching each other in a hurtful way, if I should move on because right now he is being distant I try to ask if he wants us to go our own ways and he doesnít answer my question, and if anyone has been in the ďdomestic violenceĒ situation where itís been something similar or worse and got a good result rather than a bad one I.e make a case and go to trial, please help me I need answers and donít know where to find them .

  2. #2
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    Can't read a big wall of text. Think of your readers and break it up if you want responses. The use of periods is also nice.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Good for you for coming clean to the police. Stay away from him and his family. Unfortunately you're the problem and I'm sorry to say that. This isn't a soulmate situation. It's a manipulative, violent and unpredictable situation. Love does not move anyone to do these things. It's not clear whether he's with you or whether he's with the mother of his youngest child but you seem to believe that he's with you or in a relationship with you. You also don't seem to recognize that sharing a child means having to speak to the other parent. It's called co-parenting. He can't block her completely. I think some part of you really understands that but there's a large part of you that gets jealous at any appearance of her on his phone.

    I think you've done enough and started enough trouble. This is not meant to insult you or hurt you because I know you're not feeling good. You've already built a less than reliable case against yourself admitting to the false accusations you made against him to the police. This will not look good in court. If you care about this man, just stay away and stop causing so much grief. It's selfish and you will only end up hurting yourself or putting yourself in jail.

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    Thereís more to the story than I want to say that happened that May10th but donít want to cause him any trouble not because he doesnít deserve it because he caused this for the both of us, she does not call for the baby she calls for him trust me Iíve seen her beg him in front of me not getting the point of him telling her to leave him alone and that he wanted to be with me. And I understand her hurt Iíve been in her position before I tried to be there for her after talking to her about the cheating and all she did was show him the messages of me wishing her and her son a happy New Years and if she needed me Iíd be here, she just mimicked me I still told him he needed to see the baby because above all the baby is still there every time heíd reach out sheíd beg and he would just hang up because he didnít call for that itís a tough situation to be in but weíve both wanted to be with each other so we tried to work it out as best as we could and weíll of course the cheating and trust gone didnít help although he was trying, I just believed we could better than weíve shown, and Iím beginning to believe itís a hex or something because yes you can say it isnít love but I feel it with all of me something Iíve never felt in my life with anyone

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  6. #5
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    ďyou can say it isnít love but I feel it with all of me something Iíve never felt in my life with anyoneĒ

    Sorry but love doesnít feel like that , obsession however does.

    Why would he care about you when you care so little about yourself to the point that you jump out of a moving truck?
    Your attempts to win his affection are merely what drives him away.

    You asking him to block the mother of his child is a no no.
    I donít care if she calls him for reasons other than his child , he still has to allow contact because of his child. Sometimes it will be about the child!!

    You allowed him to treat you poorly.
    You thought sex, cooking , massages etc would make him want you.
    Sorry but thatís not what makes a man want a woman. Self respect is more attractive. And you clearly had none.
    You accepted being the one to put all the effort in while he didnít put any in.

    Walk away and work on loving yourself and having respect for yourself.
    Itís over between you. Move forward.

  7. #6
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    You two are a disaster together, OP. This isn't what loves looks like. At all.

    He is no prize. He cheats, he has children he hid from you - this is loser territory. Not a real man. A real man takes responsibility for his children and doesn't treat them like secrets. He also doesn't cheat on the woman he loves. You need to aim a lot higher; many women wouldn't go near this guy, for good reason. I wouldn't let this dude take me to the IKEA food court let alone on an actual date. Where the heck are your standards, girl?

    You also desperately need to get yourself together. Jumping out of a moving vehicle and filing a false police report are glaring indications you have no impulse control and a very flawed emotional-regulation system. It can't feel good to get so out of control that you do things like this, which stand to hurt you greatly and get you in trouble with the law. Please, do seek professional help in learning how to constructively cope with pain.

    Never, ever contact this man again. There is no future here, and there never was.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    You can't base a whole relationship because of a "feeling" when EVERY other thing is horrible. As Billie28 said, it is indeed an obsession. You are pouring all your energy, and in horrible ways, to get a man that clearly doesn't care enough to be with you truly. I'd recommend therapy for your own good.

    I'm glad you came clean to the police. Please keep in mind that every false accusation that is made, makes other women who are in truly abusive relationships, terrified to report.


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