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Thread: Jelousy or Insecure? IDK

  1. #1

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    Jelousy or Insecure? IDK

    Edit. Sorry, maybe I should say this is my first post and hi all. Never done this before but just needed some ouside perspective.

    So in the past my wife has accused me of looking at women. Stormed off from films when a specific scene on ect. I thought we had moved past all that. Anyway tonight we were watching tv and all of a sudden her mood changes. Then she gets up shouts at me slams something down and storms off upstairs. It came out of nowhere. She came down and I asked her whats up. She replied "carry on watching your bimbos on tv". It was a family show with contestants in sports gear. I really dont know how to deal with this anymore. I tell her I love her all the time, everyday in fact. I tell her how beautiful she is everyday. I always give her my attention and if she needs anything massage etc I am happy to do this, most nights. Is there anything I can do so we can move past this unneccasary insecurity? Also she is stunning, and not just in my eyes. I see the attention she gets from men. She is extremely attractive. Please help as I'm at a loss with this. We've been together for nearly 15 years. I feel like I've given the rushed version here, so feel free to ask q's.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    After 15 years of this immature and over the top insecurity (neurotic insecurity?) you're not going to be able to do anything to get her to get over this "ism" she is afflicted with. A boat load of therapy that delves into why she is so insecure MAY get her past it though.

    If she won't go to therapy then I suggest you ignore the outbursts or when she says things like "continue watching your bimbos on tv" tell her "thanks, I think I will." (half joking about the last part).

    What made you think you had moved past all that and what do you think has triggered her again?

    A link that explains somethings about jealousy. Do any appear to apply to your wife?

    [Register to see the link]

    Adding this link as well as it seems it may apply to your wife as well.

    [Register to see the link]
    Last edited by ThatwasThen; 05-18-2019 at 06:01 PM.

  3. #3

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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    A boat load of therapy that delves into why she is so insecure MAY get her past it though.

    If she won't go to therapy then I suggest you ignore the outbursts
    Thanks for your reply. I think this would be the only option. I have literally tried everything else.

    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen

    What made you think you had moved past all that and what do you think has triggered her again?

    A link that explains somethings about jealousy. Do any appear to apply to your wife?
    Well it used to happen an awful lot in the early years of our relationship. Now it is extremely rare for these outbursts to occur.
    Thanks for the links, 1-4 on the first link definately apply to my wife.

    I'm not sure what has triggerred it but I guess it's down to how she feels abouy herself.

    She is perfect in every other way. Its just the insecurity that has me emotionally drained. She doesnt have many friends (neither do I) and we never really go out apart. I always encourage her to go out. But she doesnt like it if I suggest I may go out with friends from work. I just feel after 15 years this would have gone by now. She went out for a walk when I posted last night and when she got back I reassured her I loved her. She acknowledged it was wrong and appologised but didnt want to talk about it. Maybe I'm over reacting poating on here. But when even 1 incident like this happens I just feel I cant cope with it anymore. I will talk to her today about councelling.

    Thanks

  4. #4
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    She needs professional help.

    Stop with all of the reassurance, you are enabling this ridiculous situation. When she starts her tantrums, get up and leave the room. Stop indulging this craziness.

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  6. #5
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    If your wife doesn't feel that she's stunning then no amount of reassurance from you is going to help. I'd agree that some counselling, possibly from someone who specialises in body image/body dysmorphia, may well be what she needs. However, I would say that the media very often presents women in a sexualised way and while it may well not be something you even notice, if she is already sensitive then it is going to upset her.

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    Well, I think you know that this behaviour is not normal at all, hence you are posting here. The mere fact that the women she's getting upset about are complete strangers on TV and not even in real life is quite disturbing! And to have such a severe reaction as to slam stuff and storm off. I mean, all you are doing is watching a show on TV, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I also agree that she needs therapy. I think you really need to work on your relationship by also having your own separate lives outside of the relationship. I don't think it's good that you never do anything with other friends or pursue any of your own hobbies and interests.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Was she always a diva? If this is new, is there something going on psychologically, medically, with life in general or in the relationship?

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    Not healthy to not have a life outside of one another. You should each have your own hobbies and friends.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    If your wife doesn't feel that she's stunning then no amount of reassurance from you is going to help.
    That isn't exactly true. The following is from Psychology Today
    So if your partner is exhibiting unwarranted jealousy, what should you do?

    You should realize that your partnerís jealousy isnít about you; itís about them. Respond to expressions of jealousy by reassuring your partner of your love. Research has shown that those who respond to partnersí jealousy by reassuring them of their interest and attraction tend to have more stable relationships.15
    Originally Posted by Avjoe
    I will talk to her today about councelling.
    Tread lightly about how you go about suggesting she get counselling. Odds are high that she will take the suggestion as some kind of insult so maybe just wait until she displays that type of jealousy again and then point out the psychology article on jealousy to her and ask her if she would be open to seeing someone to help her realize how valuable she really is.

    She doesn't believe her own worth so she's not going to believe anyone who points it out to her but reassurance will at least calm the storm temporarily and facilitate a more stable relationship at least.

    Good luck!

  11. #10
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Is it unwarranted jealousy? Maybe you should watch what she wants to watch. Women don't like their men looking at other men, that includes tv.

    Good relationships take sacrifices.

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