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Thread: Cut them all off?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
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    Dec 2007
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    OP, they are users. You need to address why YOU choose these types of people. Stop being people's doormat.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
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    There's a lot of room on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is catering to people and 1 is burning a bridge. Shoot for balance and allow people to either step up to do their part, or allow them to fade into divergence. This involves no cutoffs, just nice sentiments but no offers to pretzel yourself for anybody.

    You can let your old friends know when you'll be in town, and if anyone would like to join you in the town where you're staying let them offer to make those plans. Otherwise, it's THEIR missed opportunity, and maybe next time.

    Mature friendships allow for divergence as people focus on differing priorities. The people who matter will either evolve into valuing you again enough to put in some effort. Otherwise, they can be relegated to social media friends unless and until they can step up to meet your prior generosity with some of their own. If not, then keep the friendship in spirit only, and keep moving forward to add new 'equal' friends to your life.

    And skip the gifts. People who ask you for things can be met with either no response, or, you can tell them you'll be happy to pick that up for them if they'd like to send you the money to make the purchase. Anyone who doesn't follow through can keep their requests a fantasy.

    Head high, and stop knocking yourself out. You'll thank yourself later.

  3. #13
    Gold Member
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    I really like catfeeder's advice - find a balance. Let them slip into divergence. You don't need to cut them off, and you also don't need to pretzel yourself to comply - like an 8-hour round trip. If you're feeling bored and find that a trip is just what you could use, great! Maybe you can arrange to meet more than one of these friends at once - dinner, activity you'll all enjoy - then head home, and decide exactly how long you want to take the time for that travel. An hour one way? Less? Two hours? This is your vacation and you have the right to just relax and do nothing...and a lot of it. Also, if these friends want items from where you live, ask them to send the money and you'll be happy to pick these things up for them. No gifts and no taking chances they never get around to paying you back. As stated, sometimes friendships divide as we move to different paths and priorities, and they can be relegated to social media friends, and possibly next time you can find the time to touch base.

    Play it by ear. You can work on the notion that you have plans in town with family and friends and you may not be able to make any special trips; you will certainly touch base and see if they can come see you. It's possible after after a week, you feel like you'd like to get out and about, and you might decide you'd like to travel to see them...maybe. See how it goes.

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