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Thread: FWB in the past, reunited 15 years later..confused...

  1. #1

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    FWB in the past, reunited 15 years later..confused...

    Hello

    So 15 years ago I met a guy that would become one of my best friends for life...
    We were FWB in our 20s ...during this I fell in love with him, we have lots in common, we travelled the world together....life lead us down seperate paths..I got over him and met someone else..
    I moved from the UK to Australia 11 years ago..during this time he met someone else who is still with now...we have always stayed in contact and emailed just as friends...
    My relationship didn't work out and i have been single for 4 years.....year before I lost my mother and things have been tough, my own health has detoriated and I have no interest in having a relationship, I can't endure anymore heartache... I havent had the best of times last few years..
    Last year we just started talking more and more and we are now back to FWB stage...
    I'm confused ...he will never answer anything personal ....am I having a midlife crisis?
    Should I just go with the flow and not worry about what it all means?
    Do I actually mean more to him than just a friend?
    He has never wanted me to be his girlfriend and never will and there are differences between us I know a relationship wouldn't work and I reallly don't want one!
    I'm set in my ways and love living by myself...!
    He tells me he wants to hang out, chat for hours, go out for drinks...it's not all about sex..
    He would never say I'm pretty, he says I'm attractive....
    Do I mean anything special to him or is he just filling the void / boredom in his life?
    When I had a boyfriend before he was jealous as...but he never 100% wanted me...
    I know this is dangerous territory for many reasons but then I think...life is too short, he makes me happy and we enjoy the same things so maybe I should enjoy it until it fades out again?
    Opinions would be welcome....anyone been in a situation where things fire up again after so many years?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    But what is it You want out of this?
    Originally Posted by Auschick
    He has never wanted me to be his girlfriend

  3. #3

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    Good question.......happiness....?for me to mean something special to him and can tell me that.... ?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Auschick
    Good question.......happiness....?for me to mean something special to him and can tell me that.... ?
    Im sorry you didnt get more replies, Im not even sure if youre still reading or if you already made a decision but this is a very bad idea to reignite.

    You do want a relationship.

    With him.

    But youre settling for sex because its better than nothing.

    Dont do it to yourself.

    FWB only works of neither has feelings, you have a who lotta feelings, so it will not work, someone will get hurt, namely you.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    during this time he met someone else who is still with now.
    Do you not care that you are helping a man to cheat on his partner? Are you that desperate for a bit of sex and companionship that you would allow yourself to be heartbroken yet again because you think you are in love with him but he won't love you back?

    How would you feel if you were his partner for many years and he was leaving you at home to meet some desperate ninny who isn't thinking straight?

    Go to counselling instead of FWBing with this d-bag and talk to a professional about why you think so little about yourself that you'd get involved yet again with a taker. Chronic takers will take whatever someone vulnerable is weak enough to give.

  7. #6
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    We get from people what we allow them to take from us. Why would he want a relationship? You are giving him more of yourself than he is to you. He enjoys his present relationship while also having you ready when he needs/wants you. You cave to his desires because you are lonely. He doesn't answer your personal questions or ask you any because he wants to keep you at arm's length. You DO mean more to him than a regular friend: you mean that he has a sure thing at his disposal.
    I get it. Loneliness is awful. But you are actually making yourself more lonely by keeping this going with him. You say he makes you happy, but does he really? Or are you simply entertained when you are with him physically and mistaking that for happiness? You are clearly wanting more.
    He doesn't respect you. And he doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself. If you respected yourself, you would not allow yourself to be used! DOn't you want more for yourself? If you were his girlfriend/wife, wouldn't you be hurt if he were messing around with someone else on the side? What you put out is what you will get.

    Cut him off. Learn to respect yourself. Show him that you value yourself. If he values you, he will show you that. In the meantime, move on; there is something much better out there for you!


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