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Thread: Update: How it turned out, OLD/LDR pt. 2

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Did he actually tell you he was divorced? I didn't read where he said he was.

    Only, per above quote, annulment was impossible, divorce was only option, and would mean she gets half his stuff.

    Which he no doubt was not inclined to give her. Assuming this soap opera of a story is even true!

    Anyway, you are 100% right to not trust him, the guy's still married, which is why he could not schedule the phone call (your previous thread) and why he contacts women thousands of miles away.

    Lesson learned! Hopefully.

    When a man from a "dating" site who lives hundreds/thousands of miles away contacts you, take a pass.

    Nothing positive, or very rarely, can come from that imo.

    Stick with local, and up your "game" (so to speak) taking the advice of abitbroken on your previous thread, for starters.

    Sorry, long distance guy didn't work out, bullet successfully dodged.
    Heck yes! I know, dodged that bullet is my exact thoughts.

    He said they got divorced after 2 months.

    I told him the situation (real or fiction) is irrelevant, he is disqualified from knowing me because of lying.

    He still doesnít get why not listing divorced is Ďwrongí, that as it would come up eventually it shouldnít be a Ďbig dealí

    Who knows he might find someone that thinks that way. I donít. Lying is a dealbreaker in any form.

    Thanks for the well wishes with local men. I might ask a question regarding that soon.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    I agree with LH.

    And while Iím glad you got to the bottom of all this. I feel I wouldnít be giving you useful advice if I didnít say you SERIOUSLY need to explore your own commitment fears.

    The fact that you even gave a guy, who isnít even in the US the time of day...itís kinda like well duh this happened...Don't get me wrong I know of people who have met and married and are now American expats but that was well before the invention of online dating... itís just way too easy to find love locally that stuff like this being real and genuine is just way too rare to be worth the emotional risk, you had zero connection to him beyond some words on a screen and you put a ton of emotional energy into it, thatís seriously something not to be ignored.

    Iím sure you will come up with a dozen excuses like your last post and itís your prerogative but you will keep doing this if you donít change what youíre doing. Youíre making yourself a target when you donít have to...
    Haha, thanks Figureitout,

    This was the first time I broke my own 2-3 hours drive max. rule.

    I have been looking in my own area. I will reach out to anyone I see as a solid option and I will respond to anyone that contacts me locally if I feel that they had potential, trade a few questions to see if itís worth a meet up. Honestly it is sparse.

    I think I mentioned in my other post that my first response to non-local guy was that we were too far away.

    I should have stuck to my boundaries.
    But we had so much in common from liking cooking shows, enjoying outdoors, to our faith, museums, that I thought hey give it a chance. These things werenít in my profile. I learned a liar has a lot in common with me.

    I think this was a lesson I needed to learn experiencially. Iím not hurt or heart broken. Iím relieved to have caught it out before getting on a plane or having him visit.

    Thanks for the advice.

  3. #13
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    Yeah, it's too easy to say "OMG me too!!!" especially if you were the one who first said you like cooking shows.

    Not local is one thing. Thousands of miles away in another country is quite another.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    Okay, wow!

    So on the heels of everything from yesterday I did some pushing and asked some questions.

    The topic of divorce came up, I told him my thoughts on it.

    He asked if I ever throught there were grounds for divorce. I do, I explained them. I was thinking maybe his parents were or something. We are both ďsingle never marriedĒ on the site.

    Then I said, why do you ask?

    He went on with this long Saga about how he married this girl to allow her to access his health insurance (they were going to marry eventually but bumped up the date by 6 months), her health condition allegedly prevented any sort of intimate relationship, and then weeks later he learned that while he was waiting for the doctorís okay for hankypanky, she was cheating on him with another guy.

    Yeah, what a doozy!

    I said, well then youíd get an annulment if you hadnít consummated the marriage. He said that wasnít possible due to corruption in the legal system there.

    I googled how to get an annulment there and said ďyeah, actually the Roman Catholic Church is the faculty that grants this based on a tribunal hearing the case. You would probably have had a very solid case if that were all trueĒ

    He said that wasnít possible, they had only the option of getting a divorce and she got half his stuff. She was a gold digger, yada yada. And she ran off with the other guy within two months of their wedding.

    It sounds like an episode of Days of our lives or some soap opera!

    I just told him that even if all that checked out, my main problem is current time where there is a blatant lie in your profile. That is a massive red flag. You were intentionally dishonest.

    I believe that If someone is deceitful, you never know where or if that ends. I cannot trust you. Thanks for the honesty when I asked a direct question but this is where it ends.

    I donít imagine Iíll hear from him again.

    Thought Iíd update you that would be curious , letís not go over board with the I told you soís!

    I actually feel really relieved. So Iím alright 👌🏻
    How could she get half his stuff if they were only married a month?

    I don't get considering someone who lives in another country. Keep it local.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Yeah, it's too easy to say "OMG me too!!!" especially if you were the one who first said you like cooking shows.

    Not local is one thing. Thousands of miles away in another country is quite another.
    That was the irony, he would tell me thinngs about himself first.

    And I would be the one saying, ďoh ya! I also love travel based food documentaries on Netflix. Have you seen this one?Ē

    We had legitimate things in common, but the lying is a non-negotiatiable! No amount of things in common could cover for that!

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    How could she get half his stuff if they were only married a month?

    I don't get considering someone who lives in another country. Keep it local.
    I know. I pointed out the inconsistencies. Before going into my current career, I almost went in law. I feel like the story is bizarre and obviously I likened it to a soap opera for a reason ;)

  8. #17
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    I'm going to guess he's still married. And since he thinks it no big deal he would probably only have revealed that little insignificant tidbit after he's been dating someone for six months.

    Also probably the reason he reaches out to women thousands of miles away.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I'm going to guess he's still married. And since he thinks it no big deal he would probably only have revealed that little insignificant tidbit after he's been dating someone for six months.

    Also probably the reason he reaches out to women thousands of miles away.

    Haha, Iím a bit of a monkey for even thinking this, but Iím tempted to ask him for contact details for his ex wife. ;p

    Not at all planning to use them but just to see his reaction.

    Is that mean? Or just let sleeping dogs lay?

    I think itís the Shakespeare ďHell hath no fury like a woman scorned thing coming outĒ

    Haha, I should probably just leave it. I do feel annoyed enough to make him stew about it!

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    Haha, thanks Figureitout,

    This was the first time I broke my own 2-3 hours drive max. rule.

    I have been looking in my own area. I will reach out to anyone I see as a solid option and I will respond to anyone that contacts me locally if I feel that they had potential, trade a few questions to see if itís worth a meet up. Honestly it is sparse.

    I think I mentioned in my other post that my first response to non-local guy was that we were too far away.

    I should have stuck to my boundaries.
    But we had so much in common from liking cooking shows, enjoying outdoors, to our faith, museums, that I thought hey give it a chance. These things werenít in my profile. I learned a liar has a lot in common with me.

    I think this was a lesson I needed to learn experiencially. Iím not hurt or heart broken. Iím relieved to have caught it out before getting on a plane or having him visit.

    Thanks for the advice.
    You're very welcome, but I don't think what I said was funny.

    I was being serious FD including the part about your excuse making.

    Based on your posts I've always thought you seemed like a very sweet girl, but a little bit naive, not an insult you just need more practice dating. And thats ok!, But whats not ok is to not learning anything because you're explaining away your actions...

    I think this was a lesson I needed to learn experiencially. Iím not hurt or heart broken. Iím relieved to have caught it out before getting on a plane or having him visit.
    This is what I mean, I would hope you wouldn't be heartbroken, he was words on a screen, but why was he an option? Because he was attractive? Lets say he wasn't married... he was still a man you couldnt get on the phone because of his schedule right? (well it probably was because his wife was there but lets pretend we still dont know that). You contemplated flying outside of the US to see a man you hadn't yet even confirmed was the same guy in his photos...before it was a man who simply spoke to you and gave you eye contact. I said in your last post you seem to be in love with the idea of being in love because it seems you get crushes and put the cart way before the horse, which that in itself isnt bad but it sure does have the potential to be. You have to look after yourself a bit more... stick to your boundaries, no more crossing them for a pretty face and sweet words.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    Haha, Iím a bit of a monkey for even thinking this, but Iím tempted to ask him for contact details for his ex wife. ;p

    Not at all planning to use them but just to see his reaction.

    Is that mean? Or just let sleeping dogs lay?

    I think itís the Shakespeare ďHell hath no fury like a woman scorned thing coming outĒ

    Haha, I should probably just leave it. I do feel annoyed enough to make him stew about it!
    But you were not "scorned". You never even met! You could not in any way be considered in a relationship with this man.

    Let it go. It's nothing, really.

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