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Thread: Help... do I contact him?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    I don't think the solution to your messages being ignored is sending yet another message. He'll probably ignore that one too, and the ones following.

    I would say that after five years he's decided he doesn't want to "do" the relationship anymore and is too wimpy to say so directly.

    Don't message him anymore. Assume the wimpy boy is gone for good and start leaning on friends and family to help get you through the hurt and disappointment.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    I agree that contacting him further will be fruitless and I would advise the op to sit back and wait.
    Only because it has been a 5 year relationship.

    However am I the only one thinking that his behaviour is not just being a wimp and wanting the relationship to be over without confrontation?

    I do not suspect cheating or simply wanting out.

    I do have my suspicions but not really wanting to suggest them without more input from the op regarding what happened after the previous similar incidences!?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Central Canada
    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Something is off but Iím not sure what?

    I think itís a little unfair to call the op clingy after a 5 year relationship and sudden silence from him?

    Op you said this has happened a few times before?
    How did you react before?
    Did you ask for an explanation for his disappearance or were you just happy he was back and continued on as if it never happened?
    I agree! When you have had your lives tied together for five years, its cruel and if nothing else, rude to ignore your partner to the point that their anxiety over what could be wrong is at its peak. A simple, "I just need some me time, give me a day or two and I'll call you to meet up" would have settled her nerves, I'm sure.

    Op, IMO can do better than putting up with his form of emotional abuse. If he is done with her then have the courtesy to at least tell her.

    My suggestion: Don't contact him again unless its to tell him that you have broken up with him. Don't leave the breaking up to him because it sounds like he will simply just leave you on the shelf until he needs something from you... then he's just show up like nothing happened.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Op, I actually think you're both to blame for what appears to be an extremely unhealthy relationship dynamic.

    On your side, clearly you allowed your anxiety to steer this ship, and as such, I lost count of how many times you contacted him (chased him after he told you he needed space numerous times), and it was way WAY too much. Like WAY.

    And each time you called, the further away you pushed him.

    On his side, disappearing for four days was wrong! That is not how you treat your gf of 5 years. It was inconsiderate and rude.

    You were right to call and ask what's up but after his response saying he's "busy" "tired" etc, you leave it alone and WAIT for him to contact you.

    Instead your anxiety kicked in, and you continued to contact him, ad nauseum, no offense but I cringed reading how many times you called him. Again, way too much.

    Which only resulted in him needing MORE space!

    I think this relationship is probably done, but a learning experience for your next relationship.

    Some men need lots of space and lone/cave time, depending on the overall dynamic of the relationship and how suffocated they feel.

    Ideally, a man should communicate this to you and not just disappear -- but nevertheless if/when a man disappears like this for 4 days, call once, if he's short and cold, leave it.

    Don't keep calling/ "hassling" him (which is how he viewed your actions) and during this time apart determine if a man like this is the right fit for you!

    If you think he is, then wait until he returns, then talk to him openly, honestly and respectfully about why he needs to disappear, tell him how it makes you feel, hear him out too, and hopefully together coming to a resolution that works for both of you.

    If not, wish each other well and part ways.

    Read John Gray, he talks all about this in his books and articles.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-18-2019 at 11:56 AM.


  6. #15
    Member EclipseCross's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    5 years in relationship and you aren't living together + he is ignoring you again and again?
    Sorry, but for me this relationship sounds wrong.

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