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Thread: Advice... is it me?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    I wanted marriage and family more than anything AND I was almost never, ever lonely when I was not in a relationship -I had a fun, fulfilling life and fully acknowledged that marriage and family were my goals. Both things are true. Please do not buy property with someone you are not married to and who you are having these types of issues with. You have to be honest with yourself about what you need in a relationship. Example: my husband unwinds after we put our son goes to sleep by watching certain shows I don't watch -and more importantly I cannot watch because that is when I get my cleaning and prepping for next day, done. So for awhile I tried to chat with him during the shows while I cleaned. That didn't work because I resented either not being listened to or having to wait for a commercial and because it was too loud to talk from the kitchen and possibly wake up our son. So I started putting headphones in and listening to radio shows or podcasts while I cleaned -which seemed a bit rude I guess at first but he is in another room doing his thing. If he wants to talk to me he comes into the kitchen or sometimes if I need to talk to him I wait for a commercial. But, for the last few years we talk in some depth/at length when I am done cleaning for the night and in the time I take to wind down before bed. It's really nice and fun -sometimes joking around, sometimes heavy stuff, everything in between. But it works for us. I don't love that the shows/baseball game takes priority over me but I'm "ok" with it. And if I feel not ok with it because I really need to talk then I tell him that and it works just fine.

    I think if you two are supposed to be spending time together he should spend that time with you - and if he wants to play his games make sure you have something else to do and/or just leave and do your own thing. But first get clear on what in general would be ok with you since I don't think he'll give up gaming entirely. And I'm not so sure he should.

  2. #12
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    No, it's definitely not you. IMO. he is being selfish, rude, disrespectful and self centered. It seems that your situation has not changed since your last post. So, here's the question: Are you ready and willing to spend the rest of your relationship with such an individual??? If he treats you like this now, don't think it will get better because I'm willing to bet that it won't. You're wasting your time hoping that he'll change Don't be his doormat. I get it that you love him, so perhaps you should try couples therapy, if he's willing. Choice is yours: you either stay in this messed up situation or you can leave. Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness. Sounds to me like you are not happy, so why be miserable?

    One more piece of advice: do NOT buy a house with him. He'll just continue to carry on in the same way and I know that you don't want that. You deserve better than what he is offering, or not offering, I should say.

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