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Thread: I can't see a way out

  1. #1

    I can't see a way out

    I am married to someone who has shown no interest in me sexually or otherwise for years and years. The last time we had sex was when my daughter was concieved about 4.5 years ago. Before that it was a dutiful once a month roll on roll off encounter. We do not communicate at all, it is almost laughable, We are doing a building project, I will tell the builder 1 thing, he will say the opposite. I will go to the supermarket and do the weekly shop and then he will do the same and buy all the same things! He is not working and thinks it is below him to get a job as in Greece he ran a big company so why should he now work in a 'normal' job..he doesnt want a divorce, and not because he loves me. He doesnt want me to take the children and i have no intention of keeping them from him but he says he will ask them to choose and tell them how evil I am and destroy me! (really he uses those words!!), we moved here to England after his business abroad colapsed and HE decided we couldnt stay in Greece where we had lived all our married life. he wanted to start again. He threatens me that he will take my children, and tell them what a i am. That if I want a divorce there is going to be a war. That he will destroy me..(he is very dramatic) He thinks the children are perfectly happy and oblivious to thse issues even though he yells infront of them until they cry. I believe in happy parents, happy children even if the parents are divorced but he cant get his head around that. He ays he will never give me a divorce. `I feel so trapped and alone.

  2. #2
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    He's threatening you. He's harming the children and you. You need to leave. Maybe he'll go to war with you if you do, maybe he won't. Even if he does, it'll be better in the long run.

    Perhaps speaking with a barrister would help? I don't know if they provide free consultations across the pond.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    He's abusive and almost sounds sociopathic. Typical parasite. Are all your friends and family in Greece? Is it possible to consult an attorney without his knowledge to know what your options are?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I don't know the laws in your country but never the less, countless angry people have made the same threats and their partner was still able to leave their marriage, over come the drama and the kids aren't so easily fooled.

    If your relationship with your children is a healthy one, it will take more than one angry man making childish threats to change that.

    Courts want whats best for the children, always. And whats best for the kids is that they have a relationship with both of their parents.

    He can't just have the kids because he says so. Neither can you for that matter.

    You being afraid is exactly what he wants and it's really the only control he has over you. Take that power back.

    Do you have any support from friends or family?


    he will ask them to choose and tell them how evil I am and destroy me!
    If my ex said that to me, I'd laugh and tell him to give it his best shot. Don't let this bully scare you.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Like most bullies hes full of you know what . I would talk to a lawyer .

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Yes you need a lawyer. He is an abusive bully and I hope you know the kids do see and understand a certain amount when there's turmoil in the home. Your kids know something is wrong and often kids think it's their fault mom and dad dont get along. You dont need this hassle so talk to a lawyer immediately. You do need to get out of there with the kids.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    Talk to a lawyer, and describe the family and relationship to a clinical social worker. Not a direct social worker (unless you're struggling financially and with housing, applying for benefits, or are just above the threshold of qualifying for them). If you're having trouble getting booked with a clinical social worker, describe your and the children's emotional distress and the painful family dynamic. Suggest you want advice on how to effectively navigate the family relationships (for example, how to prevent the children being triangled, and how to nautralize his position of power).

    As for what we can do for you, I think you'll get the most out of the forum if you can describe what keeps you from leaving this man. His threats, verbal aggression, and voluntary unemployment don't tip the scales in his favor, so why are you effectively intimidated? Are you financially dependent on him, unable to provide for yourself and children without him, suffer a debilitating illness...? When someone who isn't doing anything to uphold the marriage and family can convince you you're in their mercy despite carrying that responsibility by yourself, it is because they're appealing to an obstacle of your own, even an internal one.

    You're here because he is terrible for your children and yourself. So what stands in the way between that and loosing the arse?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    See a lawyer. All of what he is telling you is fiction. He doesn't have to "give you" a divorce. He can not simply grant himself 100% custody of the kids. Stop entertaining his empty threats, get proper info.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by claire gr
    \ we moved here to England
    Last I heard, getting a divorce is simply a matter of separating and after a period it is fairly automatic.

    You need a lawyer to sort out the paper work, followed by any property settlement, and child residence/visitation issues.

    If he is not working, what are you living on?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Yes, see a lawyer. Not sure about family law where you live but here, he could have you supporting him (alimony) if you should separate/divorce because you are currently supporting him. I don't think any jurisdiction in any democratic country would just allow a parent to arbitrarily take the children nor would they allow a minor to "choose" what parent should get full custody.

    Do something. Stop letting him scare you into submission get legal advice and then decide what can be done. When you have educated yourself regarding your rights and obligations, you will feel a whole lot more brave to take action.


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