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Thread: GENERAL QUESTION, WHAT CAN BE FORGIVEN and WHAT IS UNFORGIVABLE

  1. #1
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    GENERAL QUESTION, WHAT CAN BE FORGIVEN and WHAT IS UNFORGIVABLE

    I know that everyone is different and what may be forgivable to one may not be forgivable to the another, But I am curious what things do you think are forgivable (whether that forgiveness comes right away or takes time) or is just so bad that no time can mend the wound, I recently lost a friend, I lost her for basically two reasons I overdid it and sent two many messages and texts and she blocked me, That may or may not be unforgivable, What I do think is unforgivable however is what I did AFTER that I was desperate to move on but I just had to make sure she at least saw a letter I wrote so I opened up an old facebook I closed and posted it on her wall (I said nothing bad but that does not matter) and she and I no longer speak to me. I did walk up to her after 3 weeks of no talking and told her that I am sorry (Nothing else I was afraid I would take away from the apology and I said I know you never want to speak to me again and I will leave you alone.(The next day something weird happened because she smiled at me and I awkwardly smiled back but said nothing and I am going to keep my promise and leave her alone; BUT MY STORY WHICH I POSTED ELSEWHERE IS DONE I used what happened to me (Well more to the point what I did wrong) as an example of things that are forgivable and not forgivable. So What DO YOU think is forgivable and what is not? Have a great day

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Your harassing her is forgivable. . IF you learn from it and are able to exhibit some self control and stop.
    You are well on your way to a restraining order. I hope you know this.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Most things really don't rise to the level of needing forgiveness in the first place. Even when they do, just because someone forgives you, doesn't mean that they will want you in their life. Friendships are entirely voluntary, OP, and everyone is free to check out of one any time they want to just because they feel like it. It would be much healthier for you to learn to accept that life changes, people move on and figure out how to deal with that change more gracefully, with less anxiety and self flagellation and drama. When you delve into the whole "I can/can't be forgiven" - it's just drama. The more dramatic you are, the more people will opt to walk away from you. Learn some self control.

    Btw, it's not about her forgiving you. It's about you learning how to forgive yourself, be kinder to yourself, judge yourself less harshly so that you can move forward from your mistakes instead of getting stuck and obsessing about it.
    Last edited by DancingFool; 05-17-2019 at 06:22 PM.

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    If someone forgives you, it doesn't mean they accept you back in their life the same as before. This story sounds familiar? Don't you work with her. I think you better stop, or you will receive a restraining order, particularly since you bypassed her blocking you to do it after she asked you to stop. Please seek counseling as well. you are very obsessive.

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    You've created four threads about this situation over the past 3 weeks. Has none of the insights or advice you received been useful?

    Does it bother you so much because you cannot change the outcome? We cannot control how others feel or react. It's something we have to just accept.

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    Everything can be forgiven. :-)

    But like others have said, that doesn't mean she wants you in her life in any way.

    Love and attachment makes people do stupid things...sounds like you just lost yourself for a bit. It happens :-)

    Be kind to yourself...know that we all mess up. One day, she will know this too. :-)

    Take care.

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    No boundaries. Why did you walk up to to her after she told you to leave her alone? It is very disrespectful not to follow people's wishes.

    Your behavior is obsessive.

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    No boundaries. Why did you walk up to to her after she told you to leave her alone? It is very disrespectful not to follow people's wishes.

    Your behavior is obsessive.

    We don't have all the details, but sometimes it's hard to let go of someone you love...or are friends with for a long time. We don't know the details.

    Not saying you are wrong, or we all shouldn't accept boundaries...but when you lose someone close to you...it can rip a void in your psyche, and it's hard to just let go. :-)

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    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    A lot can be forgiven if there is sincere remorse and apology in addition to no more repeated bad, unacceptable behavior. People forgive when they see harsh lessons learned from the past and new, healthy habits put into practice with the most earnest effort. However, just because people forgive, it doesn't mean they'll trust you and forget the past. Forgive means to move on, not hold onto grudges and go forward with life. Whenever people signal that they forgive you by moving on, it doesn't mean they want to rekindle friendship or a relationship with you. They have boundaries. What they're saying is, yes, I forgive you but I want to move on with my life without you. It's not always stemming from hatred either. It stems from wanting a fresh start, putting past unpleasant experiences behind them and starting fresh. You can be respectful by honoring another person's wishes to be left alone. If you see each other often such as at the workplace or campus, remain cordial, be kind, natural, professional, pleasant, civil and be a peaceful person. Do all that without acting weird. And, back off. Give people plenty of time and space permanently. You can't undo the past. All you can do is change from the better, learn from your past mistakes and become a better, improved person for life. Then you will learn to navigate yourself wisely when it comes to human interaction. Never hound and badger people with texts, emails, messages and the like. People don't want to be irritated by someone who is obsessed with them. Get a life by having your own life outside focusing on others. Be happy and secure with yourself. Then you'll make others around you feel more comfortable and at ease.

    People will come and go throughout your life. They'll waft in and out. Certain people will remain in your life permanently whereas others will fade away. This is how life is. Learn to accept this.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    After a sincere apology and appropriate corrective measures, forgiveness is out of your control. Therefore it is pointless to dwell on.

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