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Thread: Should I leave.?????

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2019
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    Should I leave.?????

    Hi everyone. I’m a newbie 2 dis site & desperately looking 4 advice 🙈 so my partner and I both 29 r together 5 years. We have 2 children. For the pregnancy of our first child & for 7 months after I was alone as he is from a different country & wit visa restrictions & paperwork it took sumtime 2 all work out & 4 us 2 all b together. Fast forward 3 years & we have had another child.

    Over the last while (year and a half mayb) there has been many occasions where I have felt he hasn’t put us first & made me feel lik I’m not a priority in his life. There has also been occasions were he has gone out & not come home until early hours of d morning (one particular time he stayed out till almost 12 d next day & no contact & sed he left his fone in a taxi). He has told many white lies. I found condoms on 2 occasions in his pockets after nights out day weren’t used but we don’t use dem so............... I have sed 2 him many times dat he has made me feel lik he’s shamed of me r sumting as he has gone 2 tings & not asked me 2 come wit him. I found him taking stuff 2 assist his gym training 2 which I told him if I found dem again den I was gone from him & he promised TWICE he would stop & low & behold I finding dem AGAIN. There has also been various tings & behaviours of his over d last while dat I haven’t agreed wit but I saw past because I new even if I sed dem 2 him he wud bluff dem off r jus walk off as if im d problem & oh it’s jus me “nagging”. 3 weeks ago we had a big chat where I told him I don’t feel d love from him & don’t feel lik a priority r dat he doesn’t put me first & I asked did he take any responsibility 4 making me feel dat way & he sed “u make urself feel lik that”. Last nite he told me there was a work night out on Saturday as 1 of d team r leaving & I sed 2 him if der was any money spare wud he not rather spend it on us instead of a dinner 4 d person who’s leaving as money has been so tight d last few weeks & we haven’t been able 2 do anyting as we hav been broke & he jus shook his head & got up off d couch & sed “I’m going 2 bed”.

    All in all I jus feel like going forward these r behaviours & attitudes of his I’m going 2 have 2 put up wit if I stay wit him as he is so stubborn & wont change his ways as he thinks he’s rite & tings shud b done d way he thinks instead of him saying “I’m in a relationship so I need 2 do everything 50/50 & compromise”.

    My fear is that if I keep going another few years his behaviours & attitudes will stay d same & we wil part ways anyway but that I will say 2 myself “why didn’t I finish it sooner”. I jus feel lik taking everything into consideration I wud b happier on my own wit d kids because I wouldn’t have 2 b feeling lik “I just have 2 put up wit anything” & he cud b doing wat he wants, I jus wudnt have 2 b dealing wit him only wen he’d b taking d kids.

    What do ye think I shud do.?? Any advice wud b greatly appreciated ❤️

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    OP, it would be best to re-write this using proper words and sentences.

    A post full of text-speak is difficult to decipher and many won’t bother even trying.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you think he's cheating? Do you live near family and friends? Steep back and focus on your kids, your career and taking care of yourself and your children. Start investing in yourself more.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
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    Can’t read it!
    I tried!!!
    D, dat, dem , tings, rite, shud.
    Seriously??? To write like that requires building your own dictionary doesn’t it?

    Srsly ? 2 rite dat rqires bldng ur own dictnary dusnt it?
    In ur speak!

    Please re write in English if you want to get a response.
    Sry!

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    May 2019
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    2
    Spelling corrected 😉


    Hi everyone. I’m a newbie to this site & desperately looking for advice 🙈 so my partner and I both 29 are together 5 years. We have 2 children. For the pregnancy of our first child & for 7 months after I was alone as he is from a different country & with visa restrictions & paperwork it took sumtime to all work out & for us to all be together. Fast forward 3 years & we have had another child.

    Over the last while (year and a half maybe) there has been many occasions where I have felt he hasn’t put us first & made me feel like I’m not a priority in his life. There has also been occasions were he has gone out & not come home until early hours of d morning (one particular time he stayed out till almost 12 d next day & no contact & said he left his phone in a taxi). He has told many white lies. I found condoms on 2 occasions in his pockets after nights out they weren’t used but we don’t use dem so............... I have sed to him many times that he has made me feel like he’s ashamed of me or something as he has gone to things & not asked me to come with him. I found him taking stuff 2 assist his gym training to which I told him if I found dem again then I was gone from him & he promised TWICE he would stop & low & behold I find them AGAIN. There has also been various things & behaviours of his over the last while that I haven’t agreed with but I saw past because I new even if I said it to him he would bluff them off or just walk off as if I'm the problem & oh it’s just me “nagging”. 3 weeks ago we had a big chat where I told him I don’t feel the love from him & don’t feel lik a priority or that he doesn’t put me first & I asked did he take any responsibility for making me feel that way & he said “u make yourself feel like that”. Last night he told me there was a work night out on Saturday as 1 of the team are leaving & I said yo him if there was any money spare would he not rather spend it on us instead of a dinner for the person who’s leaving as money has been so tight the last few weeks & we haven’t been able to do anyting as we have been broke & he just shook his head & got up off the couch & said “I’m going 2 bed”.

    All in all I just feel like going forward these are behaviours & attitudes of his I’m going to have to put up with if I stay wit him as he is so stubborn & won’t change his ways as he thinks he’s right & things should be done the way he thinks instead of him saying “I’m in a relationship so I need 2 do everything 50/50 & compromise”.

    My fear is that if I keep going another few years his behaviours & attitudes will stay the same & we wil part ways anyway but that I will say 2 myself “why didn’t I finish it sooner”. I just feel lik taking everything into consideration I would be happier on my own wit the kids because I wouldn’t have to be feeling like “I just have to put up wit anything” & he could be doing what he wants, I just wouldn’t have to be dealing with him only when he’d be taking the kids.

    What do ye think I should do.?? Any advice wud b greatly appreciated ❤️

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It sounds like he's trying to maintain some of his own autonomy in the relationship. Both of you might do better asking each other if you are feeling fulfilled in the relationship and agreeing on new ideas or existing ideas of how to preserve that autonomy and identity that each of you have as individuals. It's important to do this especially with kids. The difficulties you're experiencing seem more to me like they can be worked out with communication, love and acceptance for each other as individuals. The issues or potential issues with infidelity though are very concerning to me and if you suspect that he's cheating on you, you might need to make peace with that or move on. This isn't a healthy place for you or your kids. I'm very sorry you're going through this. There is also no shame in going for couples' counselling or speaking with someone who can help both of you uncover what's bothering you.

  8. #7
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    OP...Hopefully at 29 yrs old, you don't speak this very same silly language that you write on here. In short, please review the forum rules

    Netspeak is not allowed.

  9. #8
    Gold Member mines's Avatar
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    I was just wondering if the Original Poster was perhaps not a native English speaker? Often when we start/try to learn a second language, especially if we are immersing with a significant other or close friend, we might not realize we're using short-cuts/slang etc. Just a thought. I learned this the hard way when I immigrated to Montreal & lived there 2 years :) lol....!

    Respectfully,
    Mines

  10. #9
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    You have to be able to communicate with your partner for a relationship to work, especially when kids are involved and you'll have to discuss and compromise on what's best for your children. How they should be disciplined, what's acceptable behavior, what school they go to, and all the other stuff that, as parents, you have to come to an agreement regarding. If he's already showing signs of seeing you as the nagging wife who he just wants to be away from, this is a really bad sign and I would spell it out for him: treat you as the woman he supposedly loves or pack his bags.

    However, this works both ways. Are you making an effort to have him feel loved? Is there any romance going on? Is he possibly cheating because your sex life no longer exists? I'm not saying that excuses infidelity (if that's going on) but I'm just trying to get you to consider if you've been a good partner or not instead of only focusing on your problems with him. I'm not accusing you of anything.

    Also, do you feel like family life was something that he (or both of you) even wanted? Were either pregnancies planned? It may be that this whole family situation is just not for him, in which case you should leave. Maybe he felt at the time that he loved you enough that he could be happy with a gf and one child, but maybe he was wrong. And now there's 2 kids. Just some things to think about but more importantly, DISCUSS WITH YOUR PARTNER! Maybe you can see if there's areas where he feels you could do better as well. Point being, be honest and open. If this isn't possible and the evidence of cheating keeps up, end it.


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