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Thread: Donít know what to do.

  1. #1

    Donít know what to do.

    I was with my boyfriend for 6 years. We started whilst we was in college. We recently broke up in the beginning of March, it was mainly my choice but it was because we wasnít really in a good place and we was having too many problems. We didnít speak for a while and the break up was horrible, I was hurting and thought I should reach out to let him know how I truly felt , he kind of didnít take responsibility for any of his wrong doing and was being very cold towards me.

    He came to visit me twice within 2 weeks and I found out he meet up few times with a female I saw him flirting with when we was still together, he claimed it was nothing and when he met up with her he realised he wasnít ready to move on. Those two week when we was in contact again was the worst time for me, I was an emotional wreck. He seemed distance and didnít really put much effort into trying to sort out any issues we had or anything. It was obvious I wanted to make things work again he claimed he wanted to also but his actions showed different. I decided to cut off all contact again because of how unhappy I was.

    I started to focus on myself , trying to make myself happy, work out etc but every day I thought about him . Sometimes I would check his social media account also. He messaged out of the blue asking me if I was okay and saying I was on his mind , I had to put myself first and told him itís best we have no contact.

    After him messaging me again all the feelings and everything just came back , I felt unhappy and down again. I tried to go on few dates but I still wanted to speak to him. I eventually reached out and expressed myself ( Iím a very emotional person so I always seem to say how I feel which never works out well for me in the end) he seemed a little cold and itís obvious he couldnít care less. He told me he misses me too and he claims Iíve moved on which is why heís trying to move on. He keeps saying that a lot ď youíve moved on. Donít lie . I know youíve moved onĒ no matter how much Iím saying how I feel itís obvious he just canít be bothered .

    Now I just feel like an emotional wreck because I donít know what to do anymore. It hurts because I had to force myself to let go because of things that he done and even when I tried to sort things out he gave minimal effort & now heís just cold and donít.

    Itís obvious now heís moved on but I just really need advice on how to handle this situation and fully let go. It hurts because Iíve always wanted to work things out & during our relationship Iíve always been good at sorting things out with us. This time when I left he didnít even try .

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. Go completely no contact delete him and all his people from all your messaging apps and social media. Trying to renegotiate and rehash will just hurt you like banging your head against a brick wall.

    When you hold people responsible for your emotions it generally doesn't turn out well. Tell people what you think, not what you feel and do so in a responsibility taking manner. Because ultimately as much as anyone cares about you they are only responsible for themselves not your emotions.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    On again, off again relationships mean the relationship isn't meant to be. Because if one or both cared enough, they'd work on problems together instead of bailing. The relationship has run its course. After 6 years together, a very long time, I think you're being unrealistic about instant healing and that you're ready to date.

    You're just going to have to do the time and go through all the stages of mourning until you get to the point of healing. Every time you communicate with him, you're setting yourself back to square one. Go no contact which will lead you to a quicker closure process.

  4. #4
    Thank you for the advice . Youíre right , I have been expecting him to make me feel better or to stop this hurt but in reality only I can do that.

    I sent a last message few days back basically saying what I thought and felt as mature as possible and he said Iím being selfish because he has more things going on than our relationship, which I donít know anything about .

    Just a shame how I expected him to make me feel better but me wanting to speak to him just hurt me more.

    Thank you again for your reply .

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I'm sorry about your breakup. Get busy with your life and dating. In time, the pain from the breakup will pass.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    On again, off again relationships mean the relationship isn't meant to be. Because if one or both cared enough, they'd work on problems together instead of bailing. The relationship has run its course. After 6 years together, a very long time, I think you're being unrealistic about instant healing and that you're ready to date.

    You're just going to have to do the time and go through all the stages of mourning until you get to the point of healing. Every time you communicate with him, you're setting yourself back to square one. Go no contact which will lead you to a quicker closure process.
    Completely agree with this. Please stay positive and focus more on what you can do for yourself/things that you can accomplish and make better in your life. Work on healing and feeling better about putting this behind you. Give yourself time to heal.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Remember this moment the next time you are tempted.
    Don't be too hard on yourself. Most of us do it and - we do it until we learn better.
    It's like picking at a scab. Leave it alone and continue to put one foot in front of the other.
    Initiating contact just sets you back, you lose all the progress you've made and have to start all over again.
    I don't know about you, but once is more than enough for me.
    Sorry you are hurting.


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