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Hi,

 

I ended my 2 and a half year relationship last December with my boyfriend. The breakup was mutual but we both really struggled to move on. This is partly because we go to the same university and sometimes run into one another on campus. For months, I feel like I didn't respect his space and kept contacting him until I realized this was making him distant. I finally cut off all contact and spent all my time and effort on myself. I literally went by the book and started exercising, new hobbies, new look, went on few dates, spent time with family and friends etc.

 

But I think on a subconscious level, I always felt like we would get back together. And even though I felt quite free and happy, he was always on my mind.

So I even went the extra step of deleting all social media. I could tell he missed me (through mutual friends, couple of texts). But I knew it was quite meaningless because we needed to grow in our separate ways before initiating contact.

 

Until few days ago, one of his friend really stepped out of line with me and I had to reach out (after not talking for couple of months). This was quite troubling because one of the biggest reasons why I ended the relationship was this particular group of friends. They were always disrespecting my ex's romantic relationships and I didn't want to be involved with them even by association. Throughout most of our relationship, he distanced himself from them but I could tell one day, they could really hurt him and our relationship.

 

So I pretty much broke down after months of being okay and now I think maybe I never moved on. For the first time we were working on our personal problems and both changing for the better. He was coming up to me at school and tried to catch up and we were both civil to one another. But after the incident, I had to leave a letter ending things for good and really feel exhausted. But still, I'm afraid in a few days or weeks my feelings could resurface and would like to know how to give up completely.

 

What are the extra steps that I can take? I want to be strong truly move on from this chapter of my life. And if anyone has been in a similar situation as me, I would really appreciate it if you could share your personal experiences.

 

Thank You :)

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“Until few days ago, one of his friend really stepped out of line with me and I had to reach out (after not talking for couple of months)“

 

Why exactly did you have to reach out??

Or did you simply find an excuse in it to ?

 

You said he distanced himself from these friends when you were together because you could tell they could hurt him and your relationship.

But it seems they had nothing to do with your mutual break up.

 

So why now contact him because of one of these friends?

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You seem to be doing all the right things. What was the breakup about? How are his friends 'hurting your relationship'? You can't avoid him completely but you can be neutral polite and that's it. Most importantly stop reaching out to him.

The breakup was mutual but we both really struggled to move on. I always felt like we would get back together.

 

one of his friend really stepped out of line with me and I had to reach out (after not talking for couple of months).

I had to leave a letter ending things for good and really feel exhausted.

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Your bf picked them as friends and keeps them as friends. They all sound immature. So it's not about them it's about your exbf. Block and delete him and all his people from all your messaging apps and social media. Then they won't be calling in the middle of the night and messing with you.

His friend called me in the middle of the night to mess with my ex.
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Thank you for the reply

 

Obviously you deleted something that could be helpful to you. WRT to advice.

Yet you deleted.

It sounds like you were connected to these friends on social media , the same people you asked your bf to distance himself from? Why ?

 

It seems you are telling a very biased story here?

 

If you want constructive advice , then tell all.

But since you are retracting details I doubt people here will actually bother.

 

Do you want advice? Unbiased?

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I finally cut off all contact and spent all my time and effort on myself. I literally went by the book and started exercising, new hobbies, new look, went on few dates, spent time with family and friends etc.

 

- This is excellent, keep doing that.

 

All you can do is try to cut contact as much as possible. It's just not going to be a perfect situation because you are both in the same school. Short of switching schools, there is nothing you can do.

 

There is an old saying - don't poop where you eat. But in college, these things happen.

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You're not going to be able to move on from those disturbing issues surrounding his friends or your reaction to them until you face what was really bothering you about that social circle. I noticed you weren't too comfortable sharing that at first in your first post. You don't have to on a public forum of all places but in your private thoughts, you should address it head on. Good for you for recognizing your own boundaries and walking away from a relationship that isn't happy or fulfilling to you in the long run. Really learning from it is going to take some other hard work and it means facing what bothered you so much about those people in the first place.

 

When you make peace with yourself and learn from your reactions and emotions and your past, you'll develop a stronger sense of self and be ready to move forward.

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Thank you for noticing. I really wanted to keep somethings private because the past is the past. Your reply helped me see that it isnt about taking action but changing perspective. I’ll try to recollect and focus on how Ive evolved since the end of the relationship. Thanks a lot.

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How do you move on completely and get to a healthy stage of indifference to him? By accepting your decision as being one that was in your very best interests and by realizing that you would never be content for the rest of your life if you were to continue on with him.

 

No breakup is really "mutual" one or the other has to be the one to do the initial breaking up and the other just accepts because what else can they do? You've yet to accept whether you were the one to bring it up or he was.

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