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Thread: I'm !9, My partner is 24. First proper relationship. And I Need Advice!

  1. #1

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    I'm !9, My partner is 24. First proper relationship. And I Need Advice!

    Hello, don't really know where to turn for advice :( me and my partner have been together just over a year now and have some really happy memories together. however recently things have seemed to be going down the pan. I suffer with mental health issues and am seeking help for it. (I take meds and attend counselling sessions). and recently he hasn't been supportive at all. we've sat down and had a chat about my mental state and what I needed from him in terms of support and what he needed from me to in order to support his needs. and felt that this really helped! however we been arguing an awful lot recently. One thing that sparked it was that, he had messaged a woman behind my back, very intimate messages. and I was very much hurt by it. however he made me feel like I was overreacting about the whole situation. As he claimed that his intentions weren't to send these messages and that they some how just came across that way. bearing in mind this was a woman he had never met or even knew, and it was just a forum page that joined them together. Now I sound super crazy I'm aware. But having read all the messages and confronted him, hoping he would admit what had happened, well at least tell me his side to it, because from my perspective it was completely different however I felt like he had the right to be able to explain himself before I make decisions and end up erratic about the situation. However, he just lied to me. Said he had no idea what I was on about. now before I confronted I contacted one of my acquaintances, who is completely impartial for some advice. and they suggested to give him the chance to explain which I thought was fair. That being said, We share a computer, and notifications had came through from the woman, and I probably should have not clicked on it and not had my feelings hurt, but obviously I felt compelled to do so. I gave him several chances to admit to it. to the point where he was saying it wasn't my fault it was this woman's fault. and I don't feel as if I could put her at fault? I mean how could I considering he never Mad it known that he was in a relationship. as I feel anyone with decent morals had they have known would have probably. kept the conversation at a level of "friendliness". I felt like the whole situation was projected on to me, and because I have mental health problems I started believing that I was in the wrong and that I have nothing to be mad at! I feel in a relationship that if you're with your partner you shouldn't be worrying about the what if's. like what if I wasn't with my girlfriend/boyfriend/ husband, wife etc. It just feels like I'm giving my all to receive nothing back. I've was brought up in a very loving and thoughtful household, and stemming from my mothers behaviour have grown up to be a caring person. I worried that he is wanting to find someone older, someone who doesn't have my issues. and I know that stems from how I feel about myself, but at the same time, I'm not receiving the support or reassurance and I'm finding it hard to put up with it any longer. he was for a weekend in June for "meet up" thing that he goes to. and I'm paranoid that something will happen on this weekend as it has happened previously. after being told from an "associate" of his. He is due to be staying over at a woman house, I don't know her and he's booked the extra day of work in order to be able to go it will be him and 2 other Male friends. and I'm feeling uncomfortable about the situation but am unsure on how to address it!

    Any Help would be great! please no hate as this is a really difficult thing, although it may be easy for some people to come up with a solution.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    He was doing something wrong and instead of admitting it he denied it/or lied about it - first strike

    When it came to light that there was proof, he blamed the other woman involved and didn't take any responsibility- second strike.

    Last and final strike - he uses your personal issues that you safely shared with him as a tool to try to gas light you into thinking you are the problem.

    There is no mystery why you don't trust this man. He doesn't even attempt to earn it.

  3. #3

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    I feel so crazy for having ago at him.i bought up the fact that I'm not comfortable with the sleeping arrangements, to which he responded "its only for one night, nothing will happen I promise" I mean I don't believe that

  4. #4
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    What is there to explain, you caught him cheating on you, then the creep turned it back on you. That is manipulative and cruel.

    He is a cheat and a liar, who does not admit to, or regret his actions. You need to end it with this jerk, because he will do this again.

    This is the last person you need in your life, especially when dealing with mental health issues.

    End it!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member
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    Originally Posted by cathrynGibbs
    I feel so crazy for having ago at him.i bought up the fact that I'm not comfortable with the sleeping arrangements, to which he responded "its only for one night, nothing will happen I promise" I mean I don't believe that

    Why would you feel crazy. You clearly caught him cheating on you?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
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    OP, your relationship is dead in the water.

    Time to end it definitively, for good.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I agree, he should have told her he was in a relationship. I would have been bragging about my girlfriend.


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