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Why did my ex call me in his time of need?


Karen25

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I got a call from my ex boyfriend at 3 in the morning. He had a freak accident and called me as soon as it happened. His arm was shattered and he was in so much pain and all he wanted to do was talk to me while his friends drove him to the ER. The thing is we broke up about 4 months ago and he has a new girlfriend now. When he called me he was in another town 30 mins away with his friends and in the town his girlfriend lives in. Why didn’t he call her? I did meet up with him and he asked me not to leave his side. Three hospitals and 12 hours later he was finally able to get surgery. His girlfriend ended up showing up to the hospital and out of respect I went into his room and I told him that I was going to leave and I hope he feels better. He asked why I was leaving and I told him so his girlfriend can be there with him. He said no that he wanted me to stay and that he wanted her to leave and he asked her to leave. Why is he doing this? Idk what’s going on! Someone please help?

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I got a call from my ex boyfriend at 3 in the morning. He had a freak accident and called me as soon as it happened. His arm was shattered and he was in so much pain and all he wanted to do was talk to me while his friends drove him to the ER. The thing is we broke up about 4 months ago and he has a new girlfriend now. When he called me he was in another town 30 mins away with his friends and in the town his girlfriend lives in. Why didn’t he call her? I did meet up with him and he asked me not to leave his side. Three hospitals and 12 hours later he was finally able to get surgery. His girlfriend ended up showing up to the hospital and out of respect I went into his room and I told him that I was going to leave and I hope he feels better. He asked why I was leaving and I told him so his girlfriend can be there with him. He said no that he wanted me to stay and that he wanted her to leave and he asked her to leave. Why is he doing this? Idk what’s going on! Someone please help?

 

I think maybe because he was in a very vulnerable state, possible shock and wanted the comfort of someone familiar and trustworthy who had seen him at his worst so to speak. There is absolutely no way I would want a new partner of 5 minutes crowding my space when I was in pain and looking a hot mess potentially crying, ew couldn't think of anything worse. Good call on leaving but idk why she turned up when he didn't want her there. Have you been in contact since the split or was this out of the blue? Maybe his brush with death made him realise what's important or maybe he was upset and being selfish by dragging you into this stressful situation to comfort himself? Hard to say.

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I don't know how long you two were together or if you've kept in touch much since the break up or how it ended (etc.) but I also think he may have called out of familiarity. He probably knows you better and felt comforted in an emergency moment with someone he knows better. I imagine his new gf is still someone he's getting to know and maybe things haven't gotten that serious yet. If it was a freak accident and he was in shock he probably wasn't thinking as clearly and in the moment going off whatever emotions quickly ran through his head when it happened.

 

It's good that you left out of respect for his gf whether he wanted you to or not. It was the right thing. Who knows.. maybe he wasnt on the best terms with his new gf at the moment? I'm just making guesses here.

 

There's no real way of knowing unless you talk to him about it. I'd avoid reading too deep into it unless or until you do talk with him to figure out why he felt the need to have you with him during an emergency.

 

I guess the other question is.. do you have any hopes or expectations that he did mean anything more out of it besides just wanting someone familiar to be there for him?

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If you have to ask, I think it's more troubling. Please don't look too much into it. Count the relationship over and don't look for signs that he's interested or that you should be interested. Good for you for showing up but even better for leaving. I would have done the same. I would more likely think of it as severe trauma and shock. Side step the aftermath and make yourself invisible for your own peace of mind. Let him move on with his life also. Don't think anything of it. I wouldn't send any well wishes or get well soon cards either. Just disappear.

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What a catch!

 

My thoughts exactly...

 

Im positive you want us to say "because he really loves you!" the situation couldnt be worded in a more obvious manner but the truth is, if he broke up with you, got a whole other girlfriend and is calling you again, hes not relationship material... you know the saying - fool me once...

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We dated for the three year and we broke up because we kept bumming heads. We decided to stay friends and we have been in contact but just as friends. While he was in the hospital he kept telling me he as sorry and that he loved me.

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A couple of days before the accident he was telling me how much he missed me and how unhappy he was in his new relationship. It was a mutual breakup and we broke up knowing we still loved each other. I knew he was in a new relationship and I was happy for him. We’ve stayed friends since our break up and we’ve kept in touch.

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A couple of days before the accident he was telling me how much he missed me and how unhappy he was in his new relationship. It was a mutual breakup and we broke up knowing we still loved each other. I knew he was in a new relationship and I was happy for him. We’ve stayed friends since our break up and we’ve kept in touch.

 

This doesn’t sound like he was provoked into calling you just because he was hurt. Maybe he really is being genuine and still loves you. That doesn’t matter if nothing has changed about what broke you up. Fix that problem first...otherwise this will only be temporary.

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Well, based on everything you mentioned, I for one, think he does still have feelings for you.

 

The question is what do you want to do about it?

 

He broke up with you -- so, he could be feeling nostalgic, or wanting what he doesn't have, or a "longing" of sorts, which is very different from actually loving. It could be any number of things.

 

However, IF you got back together, assuming he even wants that which he may not, it's quite likely the same issues would raise their ugly heads again, so I would not recommend it.

 

If me, I'd probably savor the thought he misses me, and just continue moving on.

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Yes she knows. He’s told her that he would always have feelings for me. I think it was our mistake letting go of a relationship before even trying to fix it. We took the easy way out. I was okay with him being with someone else but now I’m confused. It seemed like he really did care about her. So idk why he didn’t want her there with him

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She's been in his life for five minutes, you'e been in his life over three years. The fact that you've remained friendly and in contact—well, it kind of makes sense that he'd reach out to you during a traumatic moment.

 

For the time being, I'd think of it as that, and nothing more.

 

Because, in a way, this incident has shown that things between you guys—and now you three—remains awfully murky. Whether there's a shot at reconciliation or not, you don't want it coming (a) while he's seeing someone and (b) from a moment where emotions are heightened.

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So what he needs to do is decide what he wants instead of thinking he gets to have two girlfriends.

 

Agree.

 

Agree with blue as well.

 

This isn’t romantic star crossed lovers... you’re two adults who apparently couldn’t get their stuff together enough to fix whatever was broken in your relationship and hung on with the door open. Now a third innocent person gets to be the third wheel, not cool. The both of you need to figure out where your heads are at. And if he wants reconciliation you don’t do it while you’re in a relationship so obviously he has some unfinished business to resolve. Don’t romanticize this though, be realistic, if neither of you fixed what was broken you’re both just gonna keep pushing and pulling one another, you especially need to start being honest if your motives, and yikes he told his girlfriend he will always have feelings for you?!?! I guess in a way it’s kinda on her for staying for the circus after that... either way... not cool...

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When you are vulnerable and scared you let your inhibitions go the the wayside. It is you he trusts and feels secure with. Have you ever had a few drinks and instanrly you are a chatterbox inside of shy and talk to people you normally don't talk to or about Something on your mind that you have been keeping in? Same thing. But, once he is feeling back to normal he may revert to his old ways and not depend on you anymore. It is very nice you were there for him. What is it you want?

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You visited him at the hospital which was very gracious of you. Now that it's over and he had the surgery, leave him alone because he has a girlfriend. It's unhealthy for you to maintain friendship after breaking up and now that he has a girlfriend. When he reaches out to you in the future, let him know that you've since moved on as should he. Remind him that his girlfriend is the one to call from now on; NOT you. It's time to go your separate ways.

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