Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 45

Thread: The Other Woman or Not

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,176
    @Betsyblu if you want to talk, feel free to pm me. I do think you'll need a specific post count though, not sure of the number.

  2. #22
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    753
    "then I noticed that heís still very much involved with his wife and her family". Are you for real, OP? You knew somewhere in your heart that this had red flags all over it. Do yourself a huge favour: run the other way!!! You don't need more heartache than you've already been through and this situation will lead you down that path; guaranteed. Just leave and stop thinking that he has a hold on you.

    Also, HE is the guilty one, more so than you. You, at least, are divorced and used poor judgment. He is clearly the one in the wrong here because he is married. I don't care how happy or unhappy he is: HE IS MARRIED!!! Got it? Do not worry about how he feels because, apparently, he does'nt give a rat's a** about how you feel once this "relationship" implodes. He'll be married and you will be hurting. Do you really want that?

  3. #23
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    753
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry this is happening. The loneliness of your divorce is accentuated in this harmful situation of lies and a part-time lover. Make an appt with a therapist to sort out the post divorce issues and grasping at something this damaging as a band aid.

    You know you are being strung along, it's going nowhere and that you have to get out of this quicksand. This insight will help you tremendously in extricating yourself from this post-divorce mess. Allow a therapist to guide you through that process.
    Wiseman2, you shouldn't be sorry that this is happening. She knows darn well he is a cheater and a liar, and she got herself in this scenario. One should never get involved with a married person. Period.

  4. #24
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    753
    Originally Posted by Cope
    Because shut happens. Because we are sometimes weak and feeling so unworthy of love. Because we're used to being second. There are many many reasons one could get caught up in something like this and the last thing they need is to be shamed about it. I don't know the OP, but when I was in a similar situation, I felt so ashamed on my own, no need for more added shame. I did welcome it though because that was part of my psych at that time. If you don't feel worthy, you deserve to be shamed. But that just makes the cycle continue forever.

    This however, is not helpful for the OP, that is asking for help and she truly wants out. Directing anger to the other woman is typical, when most of the blame is to be put on the cheating spouse. If she was here asking for ways to split him from his wife, that'd be a different story.

    Edit to add: mine turned out to be a sociopath. Not saying all cheating men are, but most are manipulative and that kind of behavior does not blend well with a person with low self esteem to say the least. It's their perfect victim.
    There are many many reasons one could get caught up in something like this . Granted, here is the other side of the coin: perhaps she'll finally snap out out of it. Actually, she's already aware that this "relationship" is toxic and will only cause her heartache. Let's be real, she knows there are red flags and she chooses to ignore them. She knows she is being stringed along. A wiser solution would be to seek therapy. Talk to a close friend or family member. Just leave the married guy alone.

    I am sorry that you went through a similar situation. Hope things are better for you now.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,338
    Originally Posted by goddess
    "then I noticed that heís still very much involved with his wife and her family". Are you for real, OP? You knew somewhere in your heart that this had red flags all over it. Do yourself a huge favour: run the other way!!! You don't need more heartache than you've already been through and this situation will lead you down that path; guaranteed. Just leave and stop thinking that he has a hold on you.

    Also, HE is the guilty one, more so than you. You, at least, are divorced and used poor judgment. He is clearly the one in the wrong here because he is married. I don't care how happy or unhappy he is: HE IS MARRIED!!! Got it? Do not worry about how he feels because, apparently, he does'nt give a rat's a** about how you feel once this "relationship" implodes. He'll be married and you will be hurting. Do you really want that?
    It is not only "judgement," but choice- which she is still involved in, hoping he will break up his family. This speaks to poor character.

    I will never understand why the cheaters are seen as some big prize. If they will do this to their partner, they will do it to the sidepiece.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,689
    Gender
    Female
    I think the last thing this Op needs is enabling dialogue to convince her that she is some sort of victim so I respectfully disagree with Cope in this situation.

    Op: You obviously do have some sort of issue such as low self-esteem or you are simply just not open to being in a committed relationship and that is why you chose to give yourself to a man that wasn't free to be with you but neither of those things is an excuse to enable a man to cheat on his partner. This is not a case of him lying about his marital status and conning you into what you've gotten yourself into.

    Get yourself into therapy to figure out what your issue(s) are so that you don't keep finding yourself pining over men that are clearly not going to commit to you. Subconsciously I don't believe you want the commitment but you have become addicted to the drama and the need to WIN.

    Stop the merry go round and get off today by going zero contact. Don't enable him to keep you mired in your pain.

  8. #27
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    753
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    It is not only "judgement," but choice- which she is still involved in, hoping he will break up his family. This speaks to poor character.

    I will never understand why the cheaters are seen as some big prize. If they will do this to their partner, they will do it to the sidepiece.
    I'll never understand it either. Plus, she's aware of all that's going on and she still hangs on. Sad.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    2,010
    Has he files for divorce?

  10. #29
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    753
    OP, where are you? Do you have anything to say?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,176
    Originally Posted by goddess
    There are many many reasons one could get caught up in something like this . Granted, here is the other side of the coin: perhaps she'll finally snap out out of it. Actually, she's already aware that this "relationship" is toxic and will only cause her heartache. Let's be real, she knows there are red flags and she chooses to ignore them. She knows she is being stringed along. A wiser solution would be to seek therapy. Talk to a close friend or family member. Just leave the married guy alone.

    I am sorry that you went through a similar situation. Hope things are better for you now.
    Thank you, I am way better off now.
    Thing is, when I was in that situation, reason had nothing to do with it. I was in an extremely bad mental state and at that moment it seemed like the thing I wanted. If I could go back in time, I'd like to slap me in the face if I could, not because it's unethical, but because I viewed myself as unworthy for anything better. That's why I'm highly sensitive about these situations. I'm not saying that I didn't play a part in the cheating, I own my share of the blame,but it was very small compared to the actual cheater. The one who actually vowed to his wife. Usually these people don't only cheat with one woman. He was "cheating" on me as well. The victims are, in 99% if the cases, more than one, besides his wife which is in the worst position of course.

    I've managed to forgive myself about it.

    It is not easy to get out of it. Not at all. It's not easy to seek professional help. What is easy is to pass judgement in the other woman, when most of what she is, is just another victim of a really really horrible guy.

    That said, there are many cases where the other woman (or man) are fully aware of what they are getting into and for those, I'm with the rest. But the OP doesn't sound like one of those. She wants to get out and she can't. She mentally and physically can't and most of you aren't giving the support she needs because society has told us that the blame is equal. It's not.

    If she was to not to mention that he was married, everyone would be so understanding and full of the amazing advice they usually give. Add cheating into the equation and "poof", people get blinded to the sight of a woman who needs REAL help.

Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •