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Thread: The Other Woman or Not

  1. #11
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    His excuses are lame and I wouldn't believe what he says. I'd trust your gut and believe his actions! He's still married. If he has to be financially stable to divorce his wife he would find a way and make sure to make it happen. If he wanted to be with you he'd be taking all of the actions he needed as promptly as possible to make it happen. He wants the best of both worlds.

    Of course he's going to accuse and blame you if you try to end it. He is probably guilty himself for being a married man and cheating so of course he'll jump to conclusions and assume your cheating. Don't worry about what he thinks about it. You know your truth and if he doesn't believe you or trust you and he's not doing anything to have a real relationship out of you then he isn't worth it. Right now he's reaping all the benefits because he gets to have you and have sex with you and doesn't have to commit to you whether he says it or not. He's not married to you.

    He can't have any hold on you if you don't allow him to. Stop giving him the power. Stop caring what he says and thinks. End things and try to move on.

    I also don't recommend going back to your ex husband since things ended there for their own reasons. I'd let it be. Maybe it's time to reevaluate what YOU want and stop settling because you care and you get a little bit of what you want here or there. Start looking after what is important for you!

    If you want a committed relationship with someone you care and love you need to stop settling for less.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I feel he is trying to hold onto to me because of sex
    Ya think? O.o

    Also I still have strong feelings for my ex husband but he wonít reconcile because of my involvement.
    So were you cheating on your husband too? Anyway, maybe if you uninvolved yourself with the man that is buttering his bread on both sides, your ex might change his mind.

    In the meantime, just tell Mr. Becel that you are done with him and if you are still uncommitted when his divorce if finalized you will consider meeting him for a cup of coffee, until then, tell him to leave you alone. You really need to be single for a while until you are actually ready to be in something committed and serious, clearly you are not ready for any of that, if you were, you'd keep yourself away from married men.

  3. #13
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    If his wife gets wind of this, he'll deny ever knowing you. Doesn't that make you feel special?

    On another note, if he does choose to leave his wife and marries you, he'll still hold the title of a man who cheats on his wife. Your call...

  4. #14
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    Wake up. You are his side piece. He has been intimate with his WIFE all along. I will never understand how people get involved in these situations. Shame on you!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Wake up. You are his side piece. He has been intimate with his WIFE all along. I will never understand how people get involved in these situations. Shame on you!
    Because shut happens. Because we are sometimes weak and feeling so unworthy of love. Because we're used to being second. There are many many reasons one could get caught up in something like this and the last thing they need is to be shamed about it. I don't know the OP, but when I was in a similar situation, I felt so ashamed on my own, no need for more added shame. I did welcome it though because that was part of my psych at that time. If you don't feel worthy, you deserve to be shamed. But that just makes the cycle continue forever.

    This however, is not helpful for the OP, that is asking for help and she truly wants out. Directing anger to the other woman is typical, when most of the blame is to be put on the cheating spouse. If she was here asking for ways to split him from his wife, that'd be a different story.

    Edit to add: mine turned out to be a sociopath. Not saying all cheating men are, but most are manipulative and that kind of behavior does not blend well with a person with low self esteem to say the least. It's their perfect victim.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. The loneliness of your divorce is accentuated in this harmful situation of lies and a part-time lover. Make an appt with a therapist to sort out the post divorce issues and grasping at something this damaging as a band aid.

    You know you are being strung along, it's going nowhere and that you have to get out of this quicksand. This insight will help you tremendously in extricating yourself from this post-divorce mess. Allow a therapist to guide you through that process.
    Originally Posted by BetsyBlu
    Iím a divorced lady and I started seeing a married guy about 3 years ago. He claims that he hasnít been intimate or involved with his wife since before we met

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Cope
    Because shut happens. Because we are sometimes weak and feeling so unworthy of love. Because we're used to being second. There are many many reasons one could get caught up in something like this and the last thing they need is to be shamed about it. I don't know the OP, but when I was in a similar situation, I felt so ashamed on my own, no need for more added shame. I did welcome it though because that was part of my psych at that time. If you don't feel worthy, you deserve to be shamed. But that just makes the cycle continue forever.

    This however, is not helpful for the OP, that is asking for help and she truly wants out. Directing anger to the other woman is typical, when most of the blame is to be put on the cheating spouse. If she was here asking for ways to split him from his wife, that'd be a different story.

    Edit to add: mine turned out to be a sociopath. Not saying all cheating men are, but most are manipulative and that kind of behavior does not blend well with a person with low self esteem to say the least. It's their perfect victim.
    There is no excuse to get involved with someone who has a partner or wife. Many have low self esteem and do not travel down this road, in hopes of breaking up another relationship.. It is selfish and wrong. Let's stop excusing bad behavior. We have become the culture of no responsibility.

    She is not a victim, but the wife is.

    There is so much shame but she continues? Huh! I blame both of them, but I can only respond to the OP.

  9. #18
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    Just tell him you will tell his wife everything....he will leave you alone.
    - I like this.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    There is no excuse to get involved with someone who has a partner or wife. Many have low self esteem and do not travel down this road, in hopes of breaking up another relationship.. It is selfish and wrong. Let's stop excusing bad behavior. We have become the culture of no responsibility.

    She is not a victim, but the wife is.

    There is so much shame but she continues? Huh! I blame both of them, but I can only respond to the OP.
    I couldn't agree more. Justifications and excuses are just lame attempts at marginalizing the lies, hurt, betrayal and selfishness on both their parts. Just because she is single does not absolve her of complicity in this affair. Is this guy a lying dirt bag? Absolutely but saying she cannot stop this herself is ridiculous. She is a grown woman that knows right from wrong and she keeps choosing wrong. It is that simple...

    Lost

  11. #20
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    Deleted. Wrote in the wrong place.
    Last edited by goddess; 05-17-2019 at 01:06 PM.

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