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Thread: I [21] am feeling allured to a girl [20] who has a boyfriend

  1. #1
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    I [21] am feeling allured to a girl [20] who has a boyfriend

    This girl has had a crush on me ever since I met her 3 years ago. Last December I reluctantly said no to becoming boyfriend and girlfriend because I knew we have a difference in values, and it likely wouldn't work out in the long run. It wasn't long after that she found a new boyfriend, and they are still dating now. She has even committed the next year to living with him.

    This last Saturday, the girl was at my apartment and was very loving and touchy-feely with me. It is possible we might have gotten intimate if there had not been another person there (and she's still got a boyfriend). Ever since then, I've been so allured to her, and I'm wanting to be with her.

    I've been trying to resist the temptation because my friends are advising me against involving myself with this girl. I've been told it's lust and emotions that are clouding my judgment, and I think they're probably right.

    Thoughts?
    Last edited by ArchieAnon; 05-16-2019 at 09:24 AM.

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    Is this the same girl who got mad because you took pictures of her and her dad?

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    Nope, different girl.

  4. #4
    If you didn't want to date her before because of beliefs and values, I doubt that they have changed that much from before. It sounds like you only started being interested when you had the intimate encounter. If you begin a relationship, it will be purely based on this girl's physical appearance, and won't be "genuine", like it seems like you want
    I would stay away if I were you.
    Not only does she have a boyfriend, but she is still the same person as before. Values and beliefs don't change that quickly.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    So a girl who is in a serious relationship with a guy is touchy-feely with you and you think she is good girlfriend material for you? Yes, you've let lust cloud your decision-making skills.

    This is one friendship you should let fade away. Women are very intuitive and any new potential love interest is going to know the dynamics between you and your "friend" and hightail it out of your life. All the time and energy you're pouring into this friendship is likely preventing you from having a girlfriend since it seems you want one.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why was she at your place getting touchy-feely? Step back unless she ends things with her bf.
    Originally Posted by ArchieAnon
    It wasn't long after that she found a new boyfriend, and they are still dating now. She has even committed the next year to living with him.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If I'm reading correctly, you're trying to figure out your attraction to her and are slowly coming to terms that this may just be sexual attraction (you are interested in sex only) due to your difference in beliefs. If that's the case, you have to weigh (morally) whether it's right or not for you to hit on someone else's girlfriend. Some people get off on that and I've seen enough in my lifetime to know it happens often enough.

    I can only suggest you consider whether you want to take on the drama, backlash, ill reputation and any other negatives associated with pursuing someone who's confused enough to flirt with another man while in a relationship.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by ArchieAnon
    Nope, different girl.
    Wow, you have a lot of women who have long time crushes on you!

    Surely one of them is single and available.

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Wow, you have a lot of women who have long time crushes on you!

    Surely one of them is single and available.
    Haha yes, surely there must be one who's not in as complicated a situation as those who I've been in contact with lately!


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