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Thread: How to get over a fling?

  1. #1
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    How to get over a fling?

    Basically I have been in a very short term exclusive “fling” that has just ended due to the many outside influences that made it so a long term relationship would not work. She was my dream girl, and we both had feelings for each other and wanted something more it just never materialized because of several outside factors. She would always talk to me about how I was the only guy she was talking to, and even mentioned that she had a dream we had a kid and I got way ahead of myself. I just am having trouble getting over it. I keep imagining her with other guys and it ing KILLS me. I cant lie, I am a very jealous guy, and the college she goes to is basically the better version and rival of the school I am going to next year and I just cannot get over the idea of her meeting a guy there. I hate it. It is so irrational I know. I also want to remain friends as it feels weird just completely cutting her out of my life, and we also have mutual friends so I would be bound to run into her somehow. Any advice of how to get over it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    If you really cant do this on your own, get some counseling to learn how to move on with your life. At some point you have to accept it's over. Being friends is not going to work.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Treat it like any other break up.

    We torture ourselves saying "it's just a fling" but the feelings are real. It's most likely infatuation, but still what you feel is real. I'd strongly advise you to go NC so you can get over her. You can't be friends right now, every text will remind you of every single feeling you had and just feel them even more. If it was indeed a great connection, and I have no reason to doubt that, it will continue to be one after you get over her and you might manage to become friends again.

    Jealousy is not a great emotion, why don't you look into that and work on it while healing?

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    Originally Posted by Cope
    Treat it like any other break up.

    We torture ourselves saying "it's just a fling" but the feelings are real. It's most likely infatuation, but still what you feel is real. I'd strongly advise you to go NC so you can get over her. You can't be friends right now, every text will remind you of every single feeling you had and just feel them even more. If it was indeed a great connection, and I have no reason to doubt that, it will continue to be one after you get over her and you might manage to become friends again.

    Jealousy is not a great emotion, why don't you look into that and work on it while healing?
    Exactly.... jealousy is the real learning opportunity here....it's just pure toxicity and all future relationships will suffer if u don't fix that.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I tend to think jealousy is a complex emotion that can be used like a tool. (Like any other emotion). In a healthy relationship where there hasn't been any pre-existing issues or hang ups surrounding jealousy (or in young people), I'd say it's more effectively used like a litmus test for inappropriate situations. I think of jealousy like a type of anxiety and most anxieties that come up have a root or trigger (warning signals) for situations that are not healthy or on the verge of becoming unhealthy.

    In this case, OP, you're feeling jealous because the relationship is over and there may have been no previous commitment and certainly no commitment existing right now. Your brain is already registering that this is not a good place or a healthy situation for you. If you're searching for a fulfilling relationship, this absolutely wasn't and isn't it. It's your cue to do your best to move forward and fill your life up with more fulfilling relationships and interests.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I tend to think jealousy is a complex emotion that can be used like a tool. (Like any other emotion). In a healthy relationship where there hasn't been any pre-existing issues or hang ups surrounding jealousy (or in young people), I'd say it's more effectively used like a litmus test for inappropriate situations. I think of jealousy like a type of anxiety and most anxieties that come up have a root or trigger (warning signals) for situations that are not healthy or on the verge of becoming unhealthy.

    In this case, OP, you're feeling jealous because the relationship is over and there may have been no previous commitment and certainly no commitment existing right now. Your brain is already registering that this is not a good place or a healthy situation for you. If you're searching for a fulfilling relationship, this absolutely wasn't and isn't it. It's your cue to do your best to move forward and fill your life up with more fulfilling relationships and interests.
    To echo what rose said, jealousy is a human emotion. Just like anger, hurt joy and happiness. No one goes through life without ever feeling envy, it’s natural, and can be beneficial if worked through naturally.

    What is happening here is possessiveness. It like when a dog marks his territory, you don’t want any other guys touching what perceive as still yours.

    You’re still in high school so I’m assuming his is your first heartbreak, it will pass, allow these emotions to pass naturally. One day at a time you will realize what a blip this is in the grand scheme of things.

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    You've created three threads about this same topic. Do you feel you are getting bad advice?

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You've created three threads about this same topic. Do you feel you are getting bad advice?
    Ya kind of. I feel like each thread has been a bit different, because now it is officially over and I am trying to completely move past it. Before there was a little hope, now there is none.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by OT630
    Ya kind of. I feel like each thread has been a bit different, because now it is officially over and I am trying to completely move past it. Before there was a little hope, now there is none.
    If you feel you are getting bad advice, why keep creating threads? People are trying to help, but if you say the advice is bad...

  11. #10
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    What were these circumstances that you could not have a relationship? But you could be friends?

    All you can do is get involved with your life, dating, and in time, these feelings will pass.

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