Confused and angry

Hi Guys,

I've been seeing this girl for 6 weeks now and everything went pretty very well until yesterday. She has like a huge crush on me, its just hearts and kisses when we message each other and we also when on 2 dates. 2 Days ago she stared to distance herself from me and yesterday I have send her a very important voice note. It's 24 hours later and she did not listen to the voice note or talk to me on whattsapp.

I decided that I'm not going to send her a message asking why she doesn't reply or listen to my voice note because why should I speak to someone who doesn't want to speak to me and I also don't want to look desperate and needy.

I just want to know am I doing the right thing and what the hell is going on in her head, maybe she is playing games.

Did you two typically talk every day and often before? Do you know if she's been busy lately with anything? Also, I'm not too familiar with WhatsApp but is there a way to see if she's even opened your message yet? Maybe I'd first just rule out the possibility that maybe she just got caught up with life stuff and just hasn't had the time yet to look or respond.

If all of that seems unlikely then maybe you could casually say that she's seemed a little quiet lately and you just wanted to check to see if she was doing alright and see if she says anything. I don't think that would be unreasonable to ask casually like that of you two used to talk a lot before and have been dating for 6 weeks. If she doesn't respond or if she does and gives you an explanation.. either way just don't continue to press her on it. Can't always live in fear of looking desperate or clingy or whatever. If you genuinely want to know something you gotta speak up but of course be reasonable.

Yes we do speak everyday. Whatsapp shows when you are online and she was online a few times. Yesterday she said that she can't listen to my voice note now and that she will listen to it later. It is 24 hour later now and she didn't listen to it and she was online a few time. I want to ask her is she is okay but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do.

Yes we do speak everyday. Whatsapp shows when you are online and she was online a few times. Yesterday she said that she can't listen to my voice note now and that she will listen to it later. It is 24 hour later now and she didn't listen to it and she was online a few time. I want to ask her is she is okay but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do.

You have ONLY been on 2 dates and you sent her an “important” voice note???

What is that important that doesn’t require a phone call? It’s clearly NOT that important.

And why would she think it was? I wouldn’t!

You are not in a relationship with her. She likely has dated others in the past 6 weeks.

And that’s ok!!!

Why are you angry??? Perhaps that’s why she has distanced herself!?

You have ONLY been on 2 dates and you sent her an “important” voice note???

 

What is that important that doesn’t require a phone call? It’s clearly NOT that important.

And why would she think it was? I wouldn’t!

 

You are not in a relationship with her. She likely has dated others in the past 6 weeks.

And that’s ok!!!

Why are you angry??? Perhaps that’s why she has distanced herself!?

Same. If that was so important why didn't you call her instead of sending a voice note and wait for her reply? And what can be so important 6 weeks in? If that voice note is that important than call her and say whatever you have to say. She said she would listen to it later. Chill. You're over investing 2 dates in too much too soon, hence all this anger and anxiety.

I do not recommend you send a needy insecure "are we ok???" message. Talk about an attraction killer!

People get busy. Don't jump straight into disaster mode just because she didn't listen to your message right away.

Six weeks. No need for stressing out after two dates.

Yes, and no. It's probably too early to make an informed decision. Give her some more time. If you never hear from her again, the message is clear. If you do, she will offer an excuse or a reason. It will be up to you to try and determine which it is. Sometimes people get distracted, or other priorities pop up. Determining what is a valid reason, and what is an excuse is more of an art than a science.

At the end of the day, sometimes people seem really into us, then they change their mind suddenly. It's just one of those nasty facts of dating. Have real expectations and the disappointments won't be so harsh.

I would caution against anger. There is no good outcome when you approach these issues with anger. Disappointment is unavoidable, but anger is a waste of valuable time.

Fair enough I get your point and I do agree with you to some extend. The only thing that bugs me is the fact that she has time to put up posts on social media every hour and she is always online but she doesn't have 30 seconds to listen to my voice note. If she messages me and I don't reply in 5 min, she s herself, just saying. She talks to everyone on whatsapp but ignores me.

Fair enough I get your point and I do agree with you to some extend. The only thing that bugs me is the fact that she has time to put up posts on social media every hour and she is always online but she doesn't have 30 seconds to listen to my voice note. If she messages me and I don't reply in 5 min, she sh*ts herself, just saying. She talks to everyone on whatsapp but ignores me. Its a day and a half later and she still didn't listen to the voice note.

Maybe you both are? Relax and if you want to continue dating her text. What was so important about the VM? Did she need to get back to you asap on that?

maybe she is playing games.

After two dates you should know whether this is someone you'd like to continue seeing. I'm puzzled by the important voice note though. Even though you should have established some comfort levels after two dates, I don't think it's enough to establish a high enough comfort level sending 'important' voice notes. If there is any bad news or if there are any difficult issues going on that you need to let her know early on in the dating scene, you should let her know those in person. This might be something to keep in mind for future dates. Save the very important issues for your in-person dates and keep things lighthearted and fun via text and phone call. She may sense that you are trying to arm-twist her into a reaction or response. Most people don't respond well to these type of interactions and may serve as a red flag to others. Limit those important voice notes and try not to send them anymore to new friends or dates. Use your discretion.

Regarding the second part about what to do next: I'd leave things as they are. You're right - if she's not showing interest, don't pursue it. You shouldn't have to feel like you're constantly running after someone or being taken forgranted. Simply learn from any mistakes and move on.

Dude, you have only been on two dates. Good grief! Chill out and don't be so dramatic. You are sounding angry and insecure.

I am wondering what the "important" message was?

Stop stalking her social media and get busy in your own life.

Fair enough I get your point and I do agree with you to some extend. The only thing that bugs me is the fact that she has time to put up posts on social media every hour and she is always online but she doesn't have 30 seconds to listen to my voice note. If she messages me and I don't reply in 5 min, she s herself, just saying. She talks to everyone on whatsapp but ignores me.

Over invested.

Do you have friends and a social life? Why are you constantly following her online activity?

When in doubt, do nothing.

Do nothing until you know better.

Nothing worse than lashing out impulsively and finding out that you were wrong to begin with.

After just two dates she owes you exactly ...nothing....

You are barely a blip on her radar at this point and rightfully so. Yes, of course she will go about her normal life and if that means posting on social media and talking to her more long term friends, so be it. You, OP, aren't there yet by many miles. Your anger is displaced and concerning, since you don't have a leg to stand on. Her putting you on ice....normal, especially if she can likely sense that you are pushing too fast too far with her or trying to.

After two dates, you really shouldn't be sending her any important voice notes. That's just weird.... Chill out, cool your jets, take a time out and a cold shower...not joking. Sloooooow your roll buddy or else you'll terrify women. Keep things real early on - talk briefly and schedule real life dates on weekends. Pace yourself and be sure you also have your own life, friends and don't drop that for any chic no matter how hot.

2 Days ago she stared to distance herself

If you weren't trying to keep her in constant contact, you wouldn't notice a 2 day gap. You're over investing, and that's giving you an attitude about someone who's just living her life. You cannot always be the center focus, and if you're keeping your own focus fixed on her, that's unhealthy and needy. Skip that, tend to other aspects of your life, and trust that when it's good time for her to get in touch, she will--if you haven't killed off that interest with your premature investment.