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Thread: My Ex of a 5 year relationship

  1. #1

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    My Ex of a 5 year relationship

    It hurts me deeply. We broke up last November in 2018. Iím still scarred from it. She tells me not to contact her, but yet contacts me from Time to Time and then blocks me. Iíve been in a crippling depression for months now. Not even medicine can help. Words went too far when we split we said some hurtful things to eachother. Iím a 23 year old Man and I cry over it a lot. We were engaged and supposed to get married this weekend. It gets to me. Itís so miserable. Sheíll say things like Iím loving being single. It hurts so bad. I donít know how to deal with this. Iím almost to the point of no return. I love her and everytime I see her around town it pours salt in the wound. Maybe itís just me. Maybe I loved her too much. Any advice?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    It's not just you. Read some threads in the Healing' section and you will soon realize you're not alone.

    If the wedding was going to be this weekend then of course it'll be hitting you hard right now. Sorry to say but 6 months isn't really that long a time when it comes to grief and heartbreak.

    So just do your best to get through the weekend and this too shall pass*

    The GP has probably put you on anti depressants which sadly a lot of them do in an effort to help. Grief CAN become depression no doubt but unfortunately there's no 'anti grief' tablets available. You're just going to have to go through it.

    There's no rule book on how long it takes either so don't listen to anyone who tells you to just 'get over it'... It will take as long as it takes....

    However, there are certainly things you can do to help or hinder the process.... Try to eat and sleep the best you can and stay off the alcohol....

    Some will probably advise you to block your ex so she can't continue to contact you. That will be up to you. I never blocked my exwife and she used to contact me from time to time. It eventually stops.....

    Sorry your in pain. You'll be ok in time ok.

    Carus*

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I second everything carus said. There's not a guidebook or time frame for grief. It takes whatever time it has to take. Be gentle to yourself. It's perfectly ok to still grief and having a hard time.

    I'm a very "block and delete" supporter (or at least full no contact including no social media stalking and no responding to texts) as a way to heal and regain "power" over the situation but that's up to you to decide.

    I don't believe in the "staying busy" just for the sake of it as an avoidance mechanism but more on staying busy with things that propel your goals, that have a purpose. For example, set one or two goals (career, fitness or whatever you want) and work hard on them. You'll feel progress through the pain. It also helps reconnecting with friends and family if possible. It also helped me doing things for others to try and take the focus from me and my family.

    However, you're also dealing with depression and that can make it so you don't have any motivation to anything. I'd suggest talking to your doctor to change medication and find something that works better for you and perhaps therapy at the same time.

    Good luck! You'll make it through this.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Cward64
    It hurts me deeply. We broke up last November in 2018. Iím still scarred from it. She tells me not to contact her, but yet contacts me from Time to Time and then blocks me. Iíve been in a crippling depression for months now. Not even medicine can help. Words went too far when we split we said some hurtful things to eachother. Iím a 23 year old Man and I cry over it a lot. We were engaged and supposed to get married this weekend. It gets to me. Itís so miserable. Sheíll say things like Iím loving being single. It hurts so bad. I donít know how to deal with this. Iím almost to the point of no return. I love her and everytime I see her around town it pours salt in the wound. Maybe itís just me. Maybe I loved her too much. Any advice?
    Block this woman with extreme prejudice.

    Determine with a professional if you have clinical depression, or worse.

    This too shall past. You can get over this hump and someday wonder what all the fuss was.

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  6. #5
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    I'm not usually one to say block and delete, but I think in your case, maybe it's the best way to go considering she puts you in a downhill swirl every time, and to add insult to injury, tells you how much she loves being single. How nice to be so breezy after cancelling a wedding and terminating a long-term relationship <sarcasm>. Tell friends and family you don't want to hear about her...they will feel the need, and I don't know why. Remove yourself from people who maintain friendships with her...this can be temporary, but this step can result in a permanent loss of these friends (choose wisely).

    Things to do is try to avoid places you might typically see her or times you might usually see her. Shop in a different store for awhile. Unless your town is tiny, I can't imagine you might run into her that often, but switching up your routines, and not living in fear of bumping into her will probably do you a lot of good.

    This too shall pass, as they say, and the only thing I think I can offer extra is to allow yourself time to grieve, but maybe give yourself restrictions, like you can't cry or dwell until you've scrubbed the bathroom or put away your laundry. If your life is organized and you accomplish basic tasks, it removes some of that clutter in your mind and surroundings, plus it gives you a sense of accomplishment. You might also find yourself too tired to care, or you might find yourself planning the next tasks in your mind, and dwelling less and less on her.

    Lastly, you may need to seek antidepressants, if even only temporarily. Sometimes we just can't do this by ourselves. Sometimes it's "better living through chemistry." Talk therapy can help as well.

    You'll get through this, I promise.

  7. #6
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    You need to cut off all contact immediately on all aspects - that means messaging, calling and seeing her around or running into her randomly. Has to be like that for at least a couple years so you can move on. In your current state she cannot be allowed to message you as she pleases and say the things she says as its only making things worse. It happened to me back when I was 18 and I moved 3.5 hrs away to my dads to get away from it all and it worked beautifully, I may as well have moved to another planet because every thought I had about her faded away and I got my inner peace back.

  8. 05-21-2019, 07:38 PM


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