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Thread: Unstable

  1. #21

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    Also I love him and have never said that. Should I?

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by K1994
    That’s actually great advice. He currently is ignoring me but when he reaches out again I’m just going to text him that. I could say it in person bc he might take it more seriously?
    Are you looking for an excuse to see him in person?

    How is your self control around him? If he makes a move can you resist?

  3. #23
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by K1994
    That’s actually great advice. He currently is ignoring me but when he reaches out again I’m just going to text him that. I could say it in person bc he might take it more seriously?
    It's up to him to work on the interpretation. You just tell him what you need to say, for you.
    Kinda hard to talk to someone who's ignoring you, right?
    Seeing he's being disrespectful I wouldn't lose any sleep over a proper delivery and worry about if he believes you or not.
    The most important thing is that you believe it.
    He's not exactly laying awake wondering what you're thinking afterall.

    ~sorry, this isn't working for me, I wish you well, goodbye.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 05-17-2019 at 07:13 PM.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by K1994
    Also I love him and have never said that. Should I?
    No. I think the "seriousness" of it is what freaked him out in the first place.

    Look, the guy's got serious commitment fears/issues, that's why he ignores you and that's why he runs.

    Do some research on it, Google it.

    He told you he can't do "emotions," he can't do "relationships;" it's a big mistake to spill your feels to a guy who tells you these things.

    It will only freak him out more, and push him further away.

    The best and smartest thing to do?

    Leave him alone, or better yet walk away and look for a guy without all these issues.

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  6. #25
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    I'm sorry K, I understand how easy it is to love guys like this. They’re so “sad,” so “troubled.” I've BTDT so I totally get it!

    A woman thinks oh he’s just scared of getting hurt, I need to prove to him I won’t hurt him, I need to make it “all better” for him; with my love and care, he’ll feel better and want to commit to me!

    No no no, wrong, it won’t. If you read up on these types of fears, it’s your “love” and “caring” that’s actually pushing him away.

    Again as HE said, he can’t do emotions. So why would you think that more love, more care, more emotion is gonna bring him closer?

  7. #26
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by K1994
    Also I love him and have never said that. Should I?
    No. Telling him that will only come off as desperate because he's ignoring you. Leaving someone alone means the ~opposite~ of cranking up the volume. Read my sig.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Somewhere in your head, right now, you have this idea that he might "wake up" if only you do X, say Y, or wait Z amount of time. It's an idea fueled by two things: (1) your attraction to him and fear of losing that; and (2) that his awareness of his issues (the maudlin songs about not being able to "do emotion") provide the illusion that this is something he wants to change. Maybe even for you, or so says your heart and ego when he's laying on top of you.

    No, doesn't work that way.

    Attraction is powerful, but you can demystify it if you just acknowledge its power rather than infusing it with more meaning and mystery than it deserves. He's hot, fun (when he's fun), a great lay—check. Sucks to lose that, but there's more out there. That's point of entry stuff, not the stuff you tie the horse to.

    As for his little sad boy stuff—well, it's just sad and something to stay away from. Like I said, I've been the Sad Boy. It wasn't some act designed to get laid and court the affection of women who wanted to mend me back to emotional availability; it was just who I was.

    Led to the demise of a once-awesome relationship with a fantastic woman. Four years, back when I was around his age. Broke her heart pretty good—and my heart, already tainted and broken by forces it would take me years to understand, broke a little bit more. I really loved her. But I didn't love myself nearly enough to do anything productive with that love.

    I tell you all that for some perspective. I was 26 then, and my girlfriend, among the strongest women I've ever known, understood it all. She walked on, head high, knowing she deserved better. She had a prediction: BC will be ready for the real deal—for what she was ready for right then—when he's 40. Well, I'm six months from 40 as I write this and the Sad Boy era is just ending and I'm all sorts of emotionally available and sharing my heart with someone. That someone, of course, is not my ex from 14 years ago.

    Not saying this guy is a clone of my past self, but just telling you how these things really go. Doesn't matter what you say or do right now. And the wait for him to be the person you want to be, the person buried in there who you love or think you love? It's not a week or a month away from surfacing. It is years, maybe a decade, and maybe—wait for it—never.

    It is, in short, nothing to wait for. Love yourself enough to walk away and you'll find someone who loves you the same amount.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by K1994
    Also I love him and have never said that. Should I?
    I don't know why you would. It's not going to suddenly make him have a change of heart.

    I know you're grasping at straws, but telling him you love him is likely to lead to more pain for you when he doesn't reciprocate. It's time to reclaim your dignity and self-respect, and forget this guy.

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