31 weeks pregnant and feeling out of wack, with hormones. Help..

Hey all, i'm about 31 weeks pregnant, and my bf and i just got our new apartment a few months back. We were super excited once we found out i was pregnant and he still insists he is.. but we've been having problems with communication, and he has totally shut down at this point and he isn't even wanting to give me the time of day to try and talk to make things better. I know part of it is that i'm emotional and sensitive right now, but he isn't the type to give me reassurance, and i really need it most right now. I feel like we are completely falling apart.. we argue just about communicating to the point where i just shut down and feel as though my words shouldn't even be spoken or come out of my mouth.. they just don't matter and he'll shut me down and tell me he doesn't give a f anyways. I can't even sit in the same room as him right now and not feel tense or awkward.. and the baby is due in 8 weeks.. i love him more than anything and i'm desperate for us to work out but i don't want him screaming around my child. please help.. i'm becoming depressed.

Thanks.

You may not like this answer, but counseling should be sought for this situation. I had a similar situation after my baby came, and this place didn’t help me. I had to see a professional. You both need to go. Not just for him, but also yourself in case you come down with postpartum depression.

Can you elaborate a little bit on what those communication issues look like? I’d venture to guess that you need extra reassurance right now and might be on edge due to hormones. Is it possible that this might become draining for him? I understand that you’ve got a ton going on with 3rd trimester pregnancy and wanting to get things ready for baby (been there), but he might be stressing too, since he’ll also have to prepare for his new role as a father. Does he ever mention being stressed himself? Are you putting a lot of emotional weight on him at the moment? I think it would help to know how you approach him about these issues to get a better picture. I do agree that counseling is a good idea just to prep you for your roles as parents and a whole new team.

You have one of the most life-changing events upon you, and it's quite normal to feel a heightened need for security and peace. You're right, your hormones are going wild! Some men don't understand this and aren't sure how to handle it. Your body is going through lots of changes, and will continue to do so after giving birth and making milk (my daughter is a midwife and a lactation consultant, and she has taught me so much about this!) Do you have a mom or friends you can talk to about everything that's going on? Emotional support is crucial! You also just got a new apartment, and your nesting instinct is telling you to get everything ready for the baby. Men don't have this and can't relate. Are you going to birthing classes? Reading books about what to expect each week of your pregnancy? These are a couple ways BF can get involved in preparation. Can you find a pregnant-moms support group or walking club or exercise group? You'll thrive by connecting with other pregnant moms. As far as communicating...some men run the other direction when they hear that word. Women love to talk, men love to do. Instead of trying to have yet another discussion with him, go for a walk together or make something together (a meal, a craft, a garden?) and gently let him know that you know this is a huge time of change for him and that you understand it can be scary. Focus on HIS needs and fears. He may not know how to express these things, but he's about to become a father and this is a big deal. Typically, the focus is always on the mom...baby showers, maternity clothes, photos of the growing belly, shopping for baby stuff. Men are kind of on the sidelines. I recently heard of one guy whose buddies gave him a man-shower! I'm not sure what they did, but it made him feel much more a part of the whole deal. Counseling is also a good idea if nothing else works, and you should go even if he won't join you. Bringing a precious baby into the world is a HUGE event, and I understand that you want things to be peaceful and happy. It is definitely possible. I wish you all the best.