Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 54

Thread: OLD & LDR - help me!

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    181

    OLD & LDR - help me!

    OLD & LDR yes, there are probably way too many acronyms in this sentence.

    He contacted me via a dating site, we then traded emails through the site and then jumped to a messaging app.

    When he is Ďoní he is asks good questions, is easy to talk to and is very complimentary. We had aimed to set up a phone conversation. It happened to fall on his work trip, instead of rescheduling he said it would probably work. The day before he asked if we could move it. I said sure, I totally get it, how about tomorrow night instead?. The next day, ge gave me an update on the day he had (it genuinely seemed VERY busy) but never said yes or no to the new phone call...

    That was last evening. Iím not saying I waited around for his call but I had intentionally planned to be home.

    Then at about 7:30 last night, I told him that I understand work was busy and that we didnít have a set appointment. But asked him to seriously think about if he still wanted a phone call in the future and to let me know.

    Okay. Phew, this morning I was thinking Iíd bail hard.

    Then this afternoon he sent a long text with a bunch of reasons for why everything has been so hectic. I believe the work load is legitimate, but told him I like decisiveness. I donít like unknowns or unanswered questions.

    I didnít tell him this but I think the whole thing just smacks of bad manners, and disrespect.

    I know you guys will have some good advice. Is there ever an excuse for poor soft skills or plain old bad manners? Cut him a break or take this as a sign of his nature? Iím not his girlfriend, am I expecting too much?

    Tell it to me straight! :)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    5,651
    Gender
    Female
    I understand your annoyance, I'd feel the same but since this is pretty new, maybe cut him some slack this time. You dont really know him, you dont really know his work schedule and what types of things can come up that would prevent him from calling at a certain time. HOWEVER if you make another plan to talk on the phone, and he bails, then maybe you should too unless his reason is very compelling.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,379
    Gender
    Male
    Why all the emailing to message app to phone calls? Why not just meet up?

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    181
    Bluecastle, we are a fair distance apart, a plane flight. I would want to know him really well before the next step.

    Thanks Melancholy, I like your sober thoughts on this.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,475
    Gender
    Female
    Are you far away from each other, is that why you can't meet? I would probably worry not as much about that rescheduled phone call, but whether it's actually feasible to make it work long distance? Especially if he is actually very busy...

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    181
    Thanks tiny dancer, yes itís far.
    This week is anomaly for him. He is basically working his normal work schedule remotely, and going through the process of intensive interviews in a different state. Lots of prep and studying, and then practical evaluation. Plus anything else that comes with being away from home.

    Work load is legitimate. I believe that. Itís just that he doesnít seem to have the social skills to say ďIím crazy busy, Iím sorry. I bit off more than I can chew, can we book a time after this week is throughĒ

    Iím okay with a rebook, not so much with being ignored or left hanging. With the stress itís possible Iím the last thing on his mind. Although he did update me yesterday, but with answering the phone call question. I could be that he wasnít sure he could commit to itóbut again just tell me!

    Just not feeling certain about what to do.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,379
    Gender
    Male
    So, what's the end goal here? Dating online in hopes of creating a long distance relationship? No judgement, but I can't help but wonder about the bigger feasibility stuff than a reshecidled phone call. Is this a form of dating that has brought you success?

    Anyhow, I cut people a lot of slack when it comes to the early days. People are busy, scattered, and when all I am is a few text bubbles on a screen I just don't imagine why I'd be much of a priority. My girlfriend and I took about 3 weeks to meetóand we live in the same cityósimply because one of us kept being busy. Didn't think much of it at the time, because there wasn't much to think of.

    But, again, that's because my goal is simply to meet and see what's what. If we're subbing in "phone call" for "meet"ówell, maybe the same rules apply? A little slack because you're just not really people in each other's lives yet?

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    181
    Thanks Bluecastle. Iíve had the same thought, Iím not Ďanything to himí yet, and maybe never will be.

    In my head it was as if your girlfriend before you met had said ďI know works been busy, Iím okay with rescheduling if you are exhausted, are you still up for meeting tonight? Let me knowĒ and if you responded the next day at three in the afternoon with a detailed list of the busyness youíre in...

  10. #9
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Southwest
    Posts
    546
    Gender
    Female
    I would be wary of this situation. Frauds, scammers, catfishers always live far away and are very busy, and they travel a lot for business, and time zone issues will creep up.

    You seem to feel he is genuine, so I would say cut him some slack this first time. If this continues, consider it a bust. He may be married with a family, which will make breaking away for a call at 7 on a Friday rather difficult.

    I would also worry about how feasible a long-distance relationship can be. Whose going to move?

    I got involved with a long-distance guy. We met once. The rest was a huge game of cat and mouse. Me to bed early, him working late. I tried to organize "date night" a few times for a phone call. He's the one that brought up at least one phone call a day or with high frequency, along with texts until we can see each other. He regularly disappeared on the weekends <poof>. He also had good excuses. The thing is, you'd think he'd be able to spare some time if he was that into me (sound familiar?). After awhile, the whole thing reeked of something isn't right. I was done, and I will not pursue such a relationship again. I'd rather have someone local anyway. I have roots here.

    The moral of the story is, you can put the feelers out there and take what he says at face value once...don't keep doing it. We can take him at face value and understand he was on a business trip. I can promise you, he will always have business trips or some family crisis. His job will take him places where he has no cell service, etc. You can bat this around a little, don't give up too much personal information, and see what happens. I think you're wasting your time.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,669
    Gender
    Female
    The mistake you made is sitting and waiting by the phone. If someone says they will call you, don't sit around waiting. Cell phones are magic - you can be in the car, finishing up at the store, etc, when they call. So if they don't call, no biggie.

    Also, he said HE would call and the you already messaged him telling him which he could have thought was passive aggressive "I told him that I understand work was busy and that we didnít have a set appointment. But asked him to seriously think about if he still wanted a phone call in the future and to let me know. " To me, after 7:30 for adults is not too late at night to call - no need to make a preemptive strike at him,

    If he is a plane ride away and you don't have any tie (one of you doesn't live in the other's home town, you don't have a friend there as another excuse to visit or its not a place you normally would go), i would not expect too much or pursue too much here

Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •